I'm merely conserving my energy

Right now I have an article to complete, an email to send to a friend, another article to set up, a phone call (maybe two) to make. I’ve had those obligations hovering over me for a few days now, and the mere thought of them gives me a certain anxiety. Yes, my friends, I am a procrastinator. I invariably always get things done, but I wait, and wait and wait before I tackle them. It’s not that I am lazy; it is because I am an avoider.

The impulse to procrastinate in me can be found in a number of areas, such as:

1) Avoiding the distasteful or scary -- like a prostate digital test, seeing about that mole that looks kind of ‘funny’, getting a root canal, getting a cholesterol test.

2 Avoiding the confrontationary – complaining to a business or store about shoddy merchandise or service, calling a charge-card provider due to a $270 charge from Pussycat Exotic-Erotic Lingerie Inc., verbally challenging the stoned and drunken teens who are raising hell in the park across the street at 2 a.m. – oh, wait, I’d procrastinate on that one forever; there is such a thing as common sense.

3) Avoiding self-esteem challenges – this form of procrastination originates, for males at least, in the teens and involves delaying calling a certain girl to ask her out. There are two reasons for this, the first being she might refuse the date (or laugh riotously at the suggestion), and the second being, she might accept; continuing on through life, and certainly in my line of work, it involves avoiding sending off manuscripts or freelance stories for pretty much the same reasons as avoiding calling that girl. a) the work might be rejected, causing a stunning blow for the ego or b) it might be accepted, causing one to question the sanity of a publisher who might accept such ‘shoddy’ work and also that future work will then have to be produced.

4) Avoiding work – this is, of course, the classic, and stems from a general lethargy about tackling something you know is going to be challenging and time-consuming, and not necessarily pleasurable. The general process here, for me at least, is deferment. Deferment that may include such time-users/wasters as: beginning with a minor and easy task just to get the ball rolling and to give a feeling of accomplishment; cutting the grass (the lawn really needs it); creating an exotic gourmet dish; having sex (somebody has to do it); dusting; playing solitaire; playing more solitaire; surfing the net just to check out what this ‘porno’ stuff is that everybody talks about, and so on and so forth.

And so it goes, and procrastination is never excusable, yet most of us tend to do it. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, and hearken to the wisdom of a friend who once opined: “Procrastination is like masturbation; in both cases you’re only fucking yourself.” In truth, though, with excessive procrastination, you might actually be fucking other people, too, and that doesn’t lead to a very efficient society. Consequently, I sincerely hope that it’s mainly me who is the procrastinator, and that those I am counting on to serve me are paragons of efficiency and hard work.

Do you procrastinate? If so, what is your quotient? You might want to take this simple test, which is found at http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/procrastination_short_access.html, and see where you sit in the scheme of things. I got 37%, which isn’t atrocious, but is a bit off perfect. I should try for perfection in this regard, but I keep putting it off.