Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I'll just sit here quietly and chew my cud, thanks

A very good friend of mine is vegetarian. Other than that she is very nice, and very normal. I don’t mean to impugn her vegetarianism because I like her and respect her wisdom in all things too much. In other words, she's the sort of person who, if she is vegetarian, has well-founded reasons for so being.

When we went for coffee the other day I asked her the whys and wherefores of her lifestyle choice. The ‘why’ part was simple for her. She doesn’t believe that any animal should die so she and her family can eat, and she also thinks it’s healthier. She may be right.

As for the wherefores, I only asked because we want to have her and her husband (also a broccoli muncher) for dinner and I wanted to know what our limitations re foodstuffs might be. Obviously I knew that thick marbled and rare prime rib slathered in gravy with Yorkshire pudding on the side was out – damn – but I wondered about seafood. I’ve known vegetarians who cannot resist prawns; despite the fact the little crustaceans boast faces (of a sort).

No – no seafood. But, eggs, cheese and other dairy. Phew! OK. I can handle that. In fact, I could even live like that. Indeed, if it came down to me actually murdering the animals I consume, I would opt for that form of vegetarianism. I love lamb chops, but cannot think about fluffy little springtime lambs gambolling in the meadow. In fact, I once loved fishing, but gave it up a few years ago because I couldn’t bear killing the fish. A few years ago a friend laid a big crate of live Dungeness crabs on me. The problem was, I had to kill them. They were ultimately delicious, but the expediting of the poor critters was depressing. Now I just buy dressed crab. I know they were still killed, but I didn’t do the killing. The idea of going out and shooting a deer is beyond my comprehension. I have no aversion to others who choose to do so as a sport, and I have a lot of friends who hunt, I just don't choose to do it. I know that makes me sound like an apologist Nazi, but you get the idea.

Anyway, a few weeks ago we went to dinner at the home of my aforementioned friend and her husband. It was a lovely evening, and the dinner (all vegetarian) was remarkably tasty. Well, except for the yam puree thing. I don’t do yams. But, my mother raised me to be polite, so I endured.

OK – so vegetarianism I can accept as a lifestyle for the reasons I suggested above. My stepdaughter decided at 15 she was going to go vegetarian (as so many girls do. One wonders about the male-female breakdown in this choice) and she actually prepared some fine meals, like vegetarian lasagne. I don’t know if she’s still vegetarian, but it doesn’t matter to me if she, or anybody else is.

Who I don’t get are vegans. No dairy? No eggs? I’d rather starve. How do you prepare a decent meal that way? I have gone to a local vegan eatery (under duress). Their foodstuffs were, for the most part, incredibly overpriced troughs of glop. Furthermore, I have to wonder about the healthful properties of such a diet, especially for children. Added to which, most vegans I’ve met look even worse than Keith Richards, and at least he has fun.

But, finally, the ones I really don’t get are the ‘raw food’ folk. I mean, compared with these ‘ruminants’ regular vegans seem frivolous, even frolicsome in their relationship with food. Added to which, no matter how they might try to defend their excruciatingly dreary lifestyle, it flies against nature. We have digestive systems that demand we be omnivores. Ruminant animals like cows or deer have intestinal tracts the length of Route 66 to pull out whatever nutrients they need from their fodder. Furthermore, they tend to barf up what they've initially swallowed, and then sit and chew their cuds for hours to get even more benefit from their food. Omnivores like us have city-block sized guts by comparison, and we don't have teeth designed for cud-chewing. Ever noticed those 'canine' teeth we possess, my raw-food friends?

Anyway, I think I’ll probably continue to be an omnivore and keep my red-meat intake to a minimum – which I’ve done for years, anyway. And I do thank whatever gods might be that I don’t have a peanut allergy because I could imagine life without PB even less than life without barbecued burgers.

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13 Comments:

Blogger Voyager said...

I wrote in another blog's comments recently I am "pescatarian". Which means I eat no meat or poultry, but fish is great. My son and husband love their meat, and I still love them. What I really don't get are people that think their choice of diet is the only right way to eat, for everyone.
V.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

most vegans I’ve met look even worse than Keith Richards, and at least he has fun.

That phrase had me laughing out loud...

I don't understand veganism either. Vegetarianism... well I probably go about half my meals without meat, but even though I could easily give up beef, I couldn't live without my chicken and Tilapia.

Humans are designed as omnivores. Who am I to go against nature...

12:36 PM  
Blogger Heidi said...

What I wouldn't do for to chomp on a piece of meat right now..Since Monday it's puree'd/mashed or liquid. Thankgod I go for my brace adjustment every 10 weeks.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Big Brother said...

If god had meant for me to be a vegan or a raw food vegan he'd have made me a cow. I ain't a cow so I'll stick to being an omnivore/carnivore. Love my thick, red, juicy steak, I know it's not healthy or PC but I guess I'll just have to be a throwback. ;o)

1:48 PM  
Blogger Ellee Seymour said...

Don't you miss the Norfolk crabs? Even they are getting in short supply due to climate change, they get eaten when small by larger fish.

2:20 PM  
Blogger jmb said...

Well I'll eat anything if I don't have to kill it myself. I also don't eat anything that looks like a part of me, like kidney or liver.
I never understand if one is vegetarian because you don't want to kill things, how one can eat fish and seafood.
As for being healthier, well it's hard work to get the essential amino acids without eating meat or chicken or fish. Plus enough iron.
You are a very entertaining writer Ian, I enjoy dropping by to see what you've got to say, even if I don't comment.
The three cardinal rules of blogging:
1. have something to say
2. say it well
3. mix it up (the topics that is)
Have a gold star.
Regards
jmb

5:50 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

I flirted with the fish-eating form of vegetarianism for 6 months once but, at the end of the day, it was too hard to maintain when feeding a family, working, etc., and I will NEVER go without my milk, cheese and yogurt! Recently I decided to reduce the red meat intake as much as possible and don't buy it any more. My boys will always opt for that big, juicy burger, though, if given the chance while eating out!

I loved a Simpsons episode where there was a "5th-level vegan: you can't eat anything that casts a shadow." That one still has me giggling.

6:47 PM  
Blogger geewits said...

I just eat regular food. I don't get all these "special requirement" people. My Mom went through an Atkins diet phase and she was so annoying - now she's embarassed about it. I really don't care what other people eat as long as they don't make a big deal about it. When they do, it seems like a pathetic "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!" kind of thing. I say let's all eat in peace and harmony and stop talking about all the details. Moooo!

9:54 PM  
Blogger Belizegial said...

I find the varying degrees of vegetarian/vegan/etc. quite amusing.

My personal preference would be to keep the red meat intake as minimal as possible for health reasons. Other than that, I am flexible.

The story of the century in my little corner of the globe was when Queen Elizabeth of England paid us a royal visit sometime ago. One of the dishes served to her royal highness was a local delicacy known as 'gibnut'. Translated, the gibnut is a form of rodent. When the world press got wind of this, our little faux pas was splashed around the world in what seemed like 'minutes'.

I must commend "The Queen" for soldiering on through all this food brouhaha with the traditional stiff british upper lip. LOL

10:32 PM  
Blogger kimber said...

I am a vegetarian. I am not a vegan. I have no idea how a human being can live without the pleasures of cheese, omlettes and honey.

My husband has proposed that we instigate the 100km rule to our diet -- we only eat items that have been grown or produced within a 100 km radius of our home, thereby cutting down on fuel waste and petrol emissions.

I figure this would mean I would have to give up coffee, and I'm not willing to do that. The way I see it, vegetarianism + the 100km rule = a sad and sparse diet of kale, potatoes and huckleberries.

11:25 PM  
Blogger CS said...

Veganism would be difficult purely for practical reasons - you're hard-pressed to find vegan items on most menus. I've been to retreats that were vegan and the cooks made truly wonderful food, but I don't have it in me to maintain that (and don't feel morally compelled, either). I'm with Voyager- seafood, but no poultry or red meat. I don't even eat marshmallows because of the gelatin. I tell people that fish are as high as I go up the evolutionary scale for food. I've been doing that for about 7 years now, and it seems to work well for me. But I don't feel like my way has to be everyone's way, and I don't care a bit what other people with me order for dinner.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Bibi said...

I've been meat-free for 6 years (the result of watching hours and hours of gross documentaries during a 4-day environmental filmmakers festival).

When I was in the UK in Feb, I cooked dinner for my mother and could not resist scarfing down one of her 2 little lamb chops before it hit her plate.

Damn was it good!

9:06 PM  
Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I've been a vegetarian (but not vegan) for most of my adult life. I never liked meat but was forced to eat it as a child. My reasons are also that I cannot bear to kill animals or to have them killed for me.

I take a dimmer view of deer hunters than you do as I have had deer for friends. It was heartbreaking to feed them salt llcks and then see them carted away on the hoods of pickup trucks. And yes, it has occurred to me that my "taming" of them may have played a part in their demise. Bad karma, although my intentions were good, if short-sighted.

My husband is not a vegetarian, but goes with the program at home and bootlegs meat in restaurants. It is possible to make delicious meals w/o meat, especially if one is friendly with herbs.
And while I like tofu in Asian cuisine, I don't cook dishes that substitute it for meat and are supposed to taste like meat. That is the stuff of reluctant vegetarians.

10:13 AM  

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