Boneheads can get your knickers in a twist
“So, keepin’ out of trouble?” I overheard that comment this morning. It was asked by garrulous, slightly too-friendly middle-aged guy of a dear little woman who is probably on the far side of 80. She was uncertain as to how to respond.Personally, I hope she’s not keeping out of trouble. I hope she has a 25-year-old toy-boy on the side, and is not averse to knocking off three double martinis by lunchtime. I mean, really, how much trouble could a nice lady of her age get into?
The point of this exercise is the obnoxious expressions – albeit in the guise of being ‘friendly’ -- that certain people are inclined to throw in one’s direction. And we all know the people who utter them. They are the good-time Charlies (hmm, “good-time Charlie” may be just one more obnoxious cliché) who, in the guise of friendliness invariably make the recipient feel just a tiny bit uncomfortable and uncertain as to how to respond.
“Oh, yeah. Keepin’ out of trouble, all right, heh-heh.”
Maybe an alternative response might be in order, just to throw the discomfort back at the utterer.
“No, not really. Had my third DUI last week, and then there is the matter of my girlfriend. My wife has found out about her being pregnant. So has her father, and her high-school guidance teacher. So, I guess I have no choice but to put a contract on her old man. You want to earn an easy $1,500? I’m good for it. They haven’t found out about the books at work yet.”
There are other expressions that equally irk, like: “So, workin’ hard or hardly workin’?”
“Uh – actually not working at all, Ralph. You see, I lost my job, and I really don’t know what to do? My wife’s down with fibromyalgia, so she can’t go back to the line at the cannery, and my arthritis really limits me. I think I may have to start selling drugs just to make ends meet and pay the rent.”
But, there are more, so many more in current parlance:
1. Don't even go there: “OK, I won’t. If you’re there, I don’t want to be there.”
2. Do the math: “So, would that be calculus or trig? Do you have a sheet of paper and a calculator?
3. Raise the bar: “Well, actually in limbo it’s more challenging if they lower the bar.”
4. Take it [or something] to another level: “Is that after you raise the bar?”
5. Think outside the box: “What kind of a box? Cardboard? Just what is inside that box?”
6. 24/7: “No, more like 22/6. Is that OK with you?”
7. Boy, did she pee her pants when I told her: “Really? I would have thought her bladder control was better than that. Has she heard of Depends? That might help."
8. What’ve you been smoking? “Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t smoke.”
9. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours: “Not if you haven’t had that skin condition cleared up, I won’t.”
10. Don’t get your knickers in a twist (panties in a knot): “Oh, don’t worry, me’n Britney go commando. Wanna see?”
Oh, there are so many more, but it’s a beautiful spring morning and I would rather rejoice in that. But, if you think about it, what are some of your most loathed expressions? Please share.
Labels: boneheads, cliches, loathed expressions
posted by Ian Lidster at
10:02 AM
8 Comments:
Well, I don't know about loathed expressions, other than the dreaded officespeak - a lot of which is in your post.
Your old lady reminds me of a story about Mr. Jazz's Grandma though.
She was over 90 at the time and rather frail and a young doctor had come to her house to check her out. He asked her about her habits, and she told him she drank a glass of brandy every evening.
The doctor told her, "You might want to stop that, you could become dependent."
To which she answered: "I'm 92, who cares if I become an alcoholic."
I loved that woman. She was a force of nature she was.
I hope that little old lady is growing old disgracefully too.
"Talk to the hand."
That always brings a little shudder on.
(When people ask me if I've been 'staying out of trouble' I snarl and reply "Now what's the point of that?")
Most of yours are on my list, too. I'm also not keen on "Whatever" and it's variants ("whatver floats your boat.") So dismissive. Also, when the temperatire climbs to the 90's here in the summer, people say "Hot enough for ya?" I'm always tempted to say, "No, I'm hpoing we'll break 100."
"I hear ya" usually means "I'm not really listening to you, so I can't comment cogently about what you're saying". Now that gets my goat. Makes me see red. Really bites.
V.
Thanks for providing the good answers. Usually one thinks of a brilliant answer driving home in the car!
As a little old lady I can hardly wait to be asked the vital question.
Regards
jmb
The one I really hate is when our CP (pedagogical consultant) says to us in a training session. "I hear your concerns but let us go on." Does he think we are a bunch of idiots, that's so management 101. If he really heard our concerns he would address our concerns, instead of fobbing us off with that expression. Does he really think we can't see through it?
Q69 have already decided as soon as we are old enough we are going on a saga cruise and breaking out the pirate flag, skittles vodka and wheelchair jousting. :)
And yes, those expressions are bloody awful, but I complain justy as much about people who are simply over familiar, when they just work with you...I could go on forever on this so i'll stop, but maybe i'll post it some time.
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