Boneheads can get your knickers in a twist
Personally, I hope she’s not keeping out of trouble. I hope she has a 25-year-old toy-boy on the side, and is not averse to knocking off three double martinis by lunchtime. I mean, really, how much trouble could a nice lady of her age get into?
The point of this exercise is the obnoxious expressions – albeit in the guise of being ‘friendly’ -- that certain people are inclined to throw in one’s direction. And we all know the people who utter them. They are the good-time Charlies (hmm, “good-time Charlie” may be just one more obnoxious cliché) who, in the guise of friendliness invariably make the recipient feel just a tiny bit uncomfortable and uncertain as to how to respond.
“Oh, yeah. Keepin’ out of trouble, all right, heh-heh.”
Maybe an alternative response might be in order, just to throw the discomfort back at the utterer.
“No, not really. Had my third DUI last week, and then there is the matter of my girlfriend. My wife has found out about her being pregnant. So has her father, and her high-school guidance teacher. So, I guess I have no choice but to put a contract on her old man. You want to earn an easy $1,500? I’m good for it. They haven’t found out about the books at work yet.”
There are other expressions that equally irk, like: “So, workin’ hard or hardly workin’?”
“Uh – actually not working at all, Ralph. You see, I lost my job, and I really don’t know what to do? My wife’s down with fibromyalgia, so she can’t go back to the line at the cannery, and my arthritis really limits me. I think I may have to start selling drugs just to make ends meet and pay the rent.”
But, there are more, so many more in current parlance:
1. Don't even go there: “OK, I won’t. If you’re there, I don’t want to be there.”
2. Do the math: “So, would that be calculus or trig? Do you have a sheet of paper and a calculator?
3. Raise the bar: “Well, actually in limbo it’s more challenging if they lower the bar.”
4. Take it [or something] to another level: “Is that after you raise the bar?”
5. Think outside the box: “What kind of a box? Cardboard? Just what is inside that box?”
6. 24/7: “No, more like 22/6. Is that OK with you?”
7. Boy, did she pee her pants when I told her: “Really? I would have thought her bladder control was better than that. Has she heard of Depends? That might help."
8. What’ve you been smoking? “Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t smoke.”
9. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours: “Not if you haven’t had that skin condition cleared up, I won’t.”
10. Don’t get your knickers in a twist (panties in a knot): “Oh, don’t worry, me’n Britney go commando. Wanna see?”
Oh, there are so many more, but it’s a beautiful spring morning and I would rather rejoice in that. But, if you think about it, what are some of your most loathed expressions? Please share.