Is your blog completely honest?
I was thinking, especially in light of Dr. Deborah Serani's blog regarding publicity surrounding the Don Imus ‘bigoted bonehead’ comments about the female Rutgers basketballers -- a vile crack it was, which led me to think of poor benighted Ralph Kramden who used to plaintively proclaim when he’d gone too far with a comment: “I’ve got a biiiiiiiiiiiiig mouth!” And, of course, Imus has said much the same as Ralph in a public mea culpa that was reminiscent of the backing and filling carried out by Mel Gibson and Michael Richards during their respective public disgraces.Anyway, Dr. Deb offered some well-considered comments by actor/playwright Harvey Fierstein in which he, while deploring Imus’s comments (as would most of us), wonders how many of us disguise what we really think about different races, alternative sexual practices, and so forth. We may be dismayed by the glaringly obvious display of bigotry (or stupidity) of an Imus or a Mel Gibson, but what do each of us have deep inside ourselves that we might not wish to present for public scrutiny.
Everybody who reads this has, at some time, done or said something for which they are ashamed. That’s OK. Shame is a good thing because it suggests you are essentially a decent human being. Likewise, all of us have within ourselves, attitudes, interests, even fascinations with things that others might find distasteful or weird. Consequently, we are not about to share those things with others.
Thinking of that, I’ve periodically considered writing an alternative blog as a separate exercise. A blog in which I could reveal things and attitudes I don’t share with this one. Yes, I’ve toyed with it, but I don’t think I’m going to do it. I don’t think I’m going to do it because the blog that you are reading here comes as close as I want in terms of sharing who I am, what my thoughts are, and what I choose to reveal. I’m a relatively private person and I find cringeworthy some of those ghastly ‘My Space’ offerings in which young women (especially) get right down to sharing discussions on their knicker-stains and other things that are really, really private matters.
At the same time, I have asked myself how ‘honest’ my blog is. Do I share what I think, or do I aim to please those who read me? A while ago I wrote a blog that included a photo of an unclad young woman. I thought it was an amusing picture and I in no way intended to be tasteless or offensive. It wasn’t a salacious picture, and there was nothing sexual about it, it was merely a young woman with undraped breasts. Well, one of my regular readers found it offensive and chose to no longer visit my blog. That is entirely her right, and I don’t need to doctor my blog to please anybody, as do none of us. Yet, I did feel a bit bad about it. I’m not some cheesy old horndog who slathers after undraped females, well, not a lot, anyway, just at normal frequency. Anyway, I let it pass but decided maybe I should be a bit more circumspect about that which I write, or illustrations I choose.
But, if I censor myself, am I being honest? If any of us censors ourselves, are we being honest? I think we are. I think we are conveying the image we choose to convey, in self-censoring. We are using our blogging “inside voice,” if you will. It’s maybe a bit like putting away dirty magazines when the pastor comes to call. Is that dishonest or hypocritical? I don’t really think it is. I think it is showing respect for the dignity and well-being of a houseguest.
What do you think? Do you think your blog is fully honest?
Labels: honesty, how far is too far?, self-censorship
posted by Ian Lidster at
10:53 AM
13 Comments:
Good piece Ian, I think that we all self censor. Not everything that we think or feel is ripe for public consumption nor should it be. In fact when I come across a blog or an article where a person bares their most profound inner soul I usually kind of cringe and say to myself, "I really don't need to know that...EEuuhh" Maybe it's my generation, but I don't want to know all about someones knicker stains, how many times they threw up at a party or their opinion of other races, genders or such like. As they say let's keep it at a need to know basis.
I too, think we all censor somewhat although because I have a poetry blog I rarely stray from the truth because I would not feel comfortable in making something up or going too deep into subjects that make people uncomfortable. As you say some things are best left private. I am shocked at the amount of trivial and personal bits of information floating around the net. But I guess there are a lot of very lonely people out there and this is one way for them to feel like a part of the world. Most of these blogs are from younger people who have not matured enough to know what should be private and what shouldn't. Experience and age will eventually teach them...I hope.
Interesting topic Ian.
I think a lot of people, who would tell you they are being honest, are not. Most people practise self regulation subconsciously if not consciously because basically we all want to be accepted and liked. Even in the blogosphere, anonymous bloggers want to be accepted by people we will never meet. We don't want to be vulnerable even to nasty comments.
In your own example of the partially naked young lady, in which you don't consider you did anything wrong, the result was you began to censor your your future posting behaviour.
But is being totally honest so important in the long run? By that I mean full disclosure about everything, no matter who it might affect, rather than keeping some things back.
Be totally honest with your personal relationships by all means, but you don't owe total honesty in that sense to your readers.
Just don't go making knowing misstatements. That you do owe us, and correct any if you find out later.
jmb
Bob at Greens and Cornbread has a post up about honesty in blogging, too.
As for me, I am completely honest about the things I choose to reveal. If I don't want to share my views about a subject, I don't discuss it.
You might not get the whole story of my life, back molars and all, but what you do get from me will always portray my thoughts and feelings truthfully.
Yes -- all the time. Self-editing that is. I sometimes long for an anonymous blog that isn't intimately tied to my work so I can say just exactly what I want, but in the end I don't think I'd be able to sustain it, so I self-edit, re-edit and over-edit. And question my choices continuously.
This is REALLY interesting...Spider Girl and I have oft discussed just this.
I find that I don't put 'everything' out there for a multitude of reasons, but the bits I do write about are true.
Some blogs/writing are created to BE offensive and uncensored for the sake of it.
Perhaps it's a fine line?
I thought this was an interesting subject. I had to think about it for a while. Like Tai said, what I do put out there is true, but I don't write out every little thought. I try to limit my use of some words that I've found people find offensive like "fucking" as an adverb or adjective and "God" - used in all sorts of ways in my thoughts and normal conversations with my friends and family. I do not express my political views on my blog although I do express them in comments on a certain blog that has the same views as I do. I guess I look at blogging as how you would communicate with your neighbors or friendly co-workers - not how you would communicate with your spouse/lover, family member or best friend. But thanks for making me think about it!
No way! People I know read my blog. I don't have much editing to do of political/social/religious views - I'm pretty open about that. I'm often pretty open about what's in my heart, although sometimes obliquely so. But there is a lot I would not reveal out of a sense of a need for privacy and even decency. You won't be hearing about my sex life on my blog, for instance, and I don't have a need to share every last personal detail. I think my blog is a middle ground - it truly represents what I believe to be the real me, it's a little edgy sometimes, maybe a little offensive at times (although that is never my intent), but not horrifyingly revealing.
I'm honest in what I blog about, but I don't blog about everything by a long shot. My blog is for public consumption, talking about very personal stuff and issues is not for the blog (or very rarely), it's for the written, personal journal. I find letting it all out for the world to see rather distasteful in a blog, actually, but maybe it's a generational thing, I haven't been in my teens and twenties for a long long time now.
My blog is honest, but it's professional, with a few personal posts. If I had time, I would be tempted to write a separate personal site, maybe incognito!
I try to be authentic. I can often see many sides to things so I consider myself open minded. But I definitely self-censor to be professional --- and to safeguard privacy, etc.
Thought provoking post, as usual, Ian.
Thought provoking piece...you have indeed provoked a thought! I did begin to censor my writings on Myspace - where I essentially post the same stuff as I do here - when some old friends from my cult religion days showed up...and then my children. It became a different story altogether when I realized I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings with my grumpy commentary on the frustrations of daily life...so, now I just consider where to post the stuff that pops out of my head - but my more authentic feelings and thoughts remain here on blogger...just softened a bit.
I once blasted back at a fellow blogger who posted a sarcastic comment which was a put down to my alternative lifestyle pals - and she bacame offended and decided to never darken my doorstep again...which did make me sad, but I do have to draw the line somewhere, and I draw it at protecting those who already have to deal with their share of discrimination.
Ian, I believe that my blog is honest - however ...
... Although I don't share anything deliberately misleading, don't write anything which isn't true, and don't try to portray myself or my circumstances falsely ... I only give a certain depth of detail.
Some of us are more comfortable with deeper levels of honesty than others, and I think that we gravitate toward those who share themselves at those levels. I find it very difficult to focus on really shallow writing, and all of my inside personal "alarms" go off when I stumble across something that trips my "TMI" wire ...
To each his own preferred depth.
Excellent post Ian ... as usual! :o)
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