Trying not to lose it at the market

It’s happened a thousand times, but it never fails to piss me off and bring out the latent curmudgeon in me. I’m at a checkout line in the supermarket with Wendy and the pert little 19-ish checkout clerk says chirpily: “So, how are you guys today?”

I resist the impulse to put a hand under one of my wife’s breasts and say: “See these? It should be obvious to anybody that she’s not a guy.”

But, my primary point is, why are you even using the overly-familiar and somewhat disrespectful term ‘guys’ with a customer? What is wrong with “you people, you folks,” just plain “you” or even the southern “you all?” The curmudgeon in me suggests it is both too familiar – I’m sure you are a perfectly nice young lady, but we are not buddies (unless we do actually happen to be buddies), so why the familiarity. Furthermore, I am older than you are, so maybe a little deference is in order.

To me it's bad manners, and I don’t know why employers don’t stress with kids (because it’s almost always kids) the proper protocols for addressing members of the purchasing public. I don't really blame the kids, I blame those who should have taught them how to behave and obviously didn't. If I ran a business such a level of politeness would be drummed into my staff. In fact, to be fair, two stores in which I've always been treated politely and respectfully are the big boxes, Wal-Mart and Costco. But, I also know they have distinct standards for staff behavior.

I don’t mean to suggest I’m not a friendly person. In the same context, I like friendly clerks. But, what a lot of young people don’t seem to understand is that there is a wealth of difference between friendliness and familiarity. Your customers aren’t your buddies, unless they happen to really be your buddies. There’s one young woman who works in our market that Wendy and I regard as almost a surrogate daughter. She’s a young single mom who is having a tough time working, finishing her education, and all sorts of things. But, we really like her and have built up a nice friendship with her. She too says “you guys” but, the difference is, she’s allowed to because we have passed that boundary into familiarity with her.

I guess my real point would be is that a lot of kids don’t seem to be trained any longer in any realms of politesse by parents, schools and business operators. Regardless of how a kid might they might like to see it, not everybody in their lives are their equals -- at least not at this callow point in their lifespans. Certain positions demand a certain amount of respect. It's just the way it is. If the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh were to walk up to their till, it would be unacceptable to say: "Liz -- Phil -- howzit goin'?"

A number of years ago, when I lived in the UK, I had to be involved in a few meetings with one of the department managers at our local Barclay’s Bank. The meetings were to do with some fund exchange glitches between Canada and my account in the UK. The woman, who was a very nice person, was a Miss Schofield. I don’t know what her real name was. It might have been Judy, or Linda, or Susie-Creamcheez Schofield, but I only knew her as Miss Schofield. That’s how it should have been. And, to her, I was always Mr. Lidster, That was how it should have also been.

So, it still niggles a bit when I go into my local bank, deal with a clerk with whom I’ve never met before since she appears to be new, and at the end of the transaction, she calls me 'Ian.' It irks.

A favorite bugbear of many people in this regard is that their doctor will refer to them by first name, but demands the honorific ‘Dr.’ in front of his or her last name.

Sorry, this works two ways. Since my doctor ceased calling me Mr, Lidster a number of years ago, I took on myself to Call him Rob. He seems OK with it. If he hadn’t been and had raised an objection, I would have politely told him, “Then, my name, to you, is Mr. Lidster.”