I think I'm doing OK in 'all' areas, thanks
I had no idea I was so inadequate in the sexual equipment department, but it seems like about 10,000 spammers seem to think I am, considering the number of times they exhort me to check out their products to enhance both my ‘protuberance-ness’ and my performance.
So, my only question would be, does anybody ever respond to this crap? Is it a viable marketing option for somebody out there? Are mega-millions being made because some men are feeling inadequate dick-wise.
“I know that’s why I never get a date. I just don’t have enough ‘there’ there. It’s got nothing to do with my hideous personality, controlling nature, propensity to violence, major addictions, appalling personal hygiene, or the fact I look like Quasimodo on a bad day, it’s because I’m inadequate down there.”
Anyway, the motivation for this blog has little to do with sexual performance, but much to do with ‘advertising’ in all its glory.
The world quite literally revolves around advertising, branding, cajoling, and references to all our inadequacies, in such realms as sex, beauty, domestic bliss, child-rearing or, as a nod to an aging boomer population, not wetting yourself in a public place.
My ex-wife was an advertising sales person. That was essentially all she’d done in her adult life. She sold ads for newspapers, magazines, radio and TV stations, and she made a reasonable amount of coin in so doing. But, she hated the business. She hated it because she said the job is a means of selling somebody something they really don’t want to buy, but feel they must if they want their business to prosper. So, if they opened up a big account, and their business still failed they, of course, blamed her.
Of all the forms of advertising, however, there is one that galls me the most. No, it’s not sexual performance enhancers, it’s insurance. I have friends in the insurance business, so I don’t want to offend them, but I have to say that I think insurance is one of the crassest businesses around. It’s crass because it prays on our fears and our desire to not been seen as an awful human being.
“So, Charlie must really hate the wife and kids because I tried to sell him a full-life policy the other day, and he balked.”
Well, Charlie may indeed be a selfish sonofabitch who doesn’t see why he should spend big money on something he’ll never get the benefit of.
“Screw them. What do I care what happens to them after I’m dead?”
I’m being silly there, of course, and I think also that Charlie is a selfish sonofabitch for not seeing that the family is well-cared for should he suffer an early demise. And considering his nasty attitude, he probably suffers from road-rage and somebody’s gonna take him out with a .38 prematurely.
And, there are other forms of insurance that I must concede are essential, like auto insurance. If I’m left paralyzed by some drunken yoyo on the highway, I want his insurance company to keep me for the rest of my days.
But, I am left with an important question. Why is my bank going into the insurance racket? Why is a major department store at which I have a credit account in the insurance business? Why are they trying to sell me insurance at my age? Why don’t I tell them to take a flying jump at themselves for having gone into a business they shouldn’t be in?
Well, actually I have. But, relatively politely. That’s my problem. I’m too polite. They should have insurance for that.
Oh, and regarding my sexual equipment and/or prowess. I get no complaints, so quite spamming me.
So, my only question would be, does anybody ever respond to this crap? Is it a viable marketing option for somebody out there? Are mega-millions being made because some men are feeling inadequate dick-wise.
“I know that’s why I never get a date. I just don’t have enough ‘there’ there. It’s got nothing to do with my hideous personality, controlling nature, propensity to violence, major addictions, appalling personal hygiene, or the fact I look like Quasimodo on a bad day, it’s because I’m inadequate down there.”
Anyway, the motivation for this blog has little to do with sexual performance, but much to do with ‘advertising’ in all its glory.
The world quite literally revolves around advertising, branding, cajoling, and references to all our inadequacies, in such realms as sex, beauty, domestic bliss, child-rearing or, as a nod to an aging boomer population, not wetting yourself in a public place.
My ex-wife was an advertising sales person. That was essentially all she’d done in her adult life. She sold ads for newspapers, magazines, radio and TV stations, and she made a reasonable amount of coin in so doing. But, she hated the business. She hated it because she said the job is a means of selling somebody something they really don’t want to buy, but feel they must if they want their business to prosper. So, if they opened up a big account, and their business still failed they, of course, blamed her.
Of all the forms of advertising, however, there is one that galls me the most. No, it’s not sexual performance enhancers, it’s insurance. I have friends in the insurance business, so I don’t want to offend them, but I have to say that I think insurance is one of the crassest businesses around. It’s crass because it prays on our fears and our desire to not been seen as an awful human being.
“So, Charlie must really hate the wife and kids because I tried to sell him a full-life policy the other day, and he balked.”
Well, Charlie may indeed be a selfish sonofabitch who doesn’t see why he should spend big money on something he’ll never get the benefit of.
“Screw them. What do I care what happens to them after I’m dead?”
I’m being silly there, of course, and I think also that Charlie is a selfish sonofabitch for not seeing that the family is well-cared for should he suffer an early demise. And considering his nasty attitude, he probably suffers from road-rage and somebody’s gonna take him out with a .38 prematurely.
And, there are other forms of insurance that I must concede are essential, like auto insurance. If I’m left paralyzed by some drunken yoyo on the highway, I want his insurance company to keep me for the rest of my days.
But, I am left with an important question. Why is my bank going into the insurance racket? Why is a major department store at which I have a credit account in the insurance business? Why are they trying to sell me insurance at my age? Why don’t I tell them to take a flying jump at themselves for having gone into a business they shouldn’t be in?
Well, actually I have. But, relatively politely. That’s my problem. I’m too polite. They should have insurance for that.
Oh, and regarding my sexual equipment and/or prowess. I get no complaints, so quite spamming me.
Labels: hucksters and spammers
posted by Ian Lidster at
4:40 PM
15 Comments:
I have blogged in the past about the penile enlargement advertisers who constantly barrage me with offers to give me the biggest equipment in the porn industry and make all the girls lose their minds for me.
Sometimes they address me by my real name, which is not unisex. Aside from the Johnny Cash song, there are not too many boys named Sue.
I have despised every sales job I had because I also felt that I was required to sell things to people that they didn't need. I was not good at this.
My bank, which knows exactly how much money I have, has been on a full time campaign to prey on my fears and sell me life insurance. They cleverly offer it on a 30 day free trial basis on the assumption that I will forget to cancel after 30 days, and since they have access to my money, they can help themselves.
You would think they'd frenetically pant after someone with more money because even if I bought into their machinations, my net worth is not worth all the effort.
The one I hate hate hate the most is when a particular electronic store tries to sell me an additional warranty to cover my purchase. I ask the sales person, do you not stand behind your products? If it's going to break in 6 months, why do you sell it? And, better question, why should I buy it? Thanks for letting me know! I almost wasted my money on this poorly-made item--
At this point, they usually agree that the warranty is just a scheme to part me from my hard-earned moolah. The only person I know who ever used one of those in-store warranties was absolutely screwed by it, and had to pay money to get his computer BACK from the store's in-house repair shop.
Bah-humbug, I say! I'll take my chances -- I like living on the edge!
Yes. Well. You can probably imagine how inadequate I feel - I don't even HAVE a doomaflotchy, so rubbing all of the pickled squid ink (or whatever the spammers are selling) in the world on that area won't do any good.
It's just as well. I've been wanting to try out some breast cream.
Ian, what annoys me most about advertising is that I am a sucker for it. If a slick ad tells me some outrageously expensive cream will smooth out my wrinkles, I'll run, not walk to the damn store. Thank goodness I don't have a penis, or I would be broke responding to all the spam.
V.
Someone has already mentioned the electronic equipment insurance scam, but it drives me wild.
Luckily shaw security seems to catch all those sexually inadequate equipment enhancement emails but the ten page spams from the "Final Prophet" to my blog are getting through.
Good post as usual Ian.
Its all that practice with the hoover!!!
hahahahaha another good one, ian
i'm with you on the insurance business hate, they really screwed us over in the maritimes, with the government overseers' blessings, it seems, though some enacted legislature to reduce premiums, but at the cost of caps on motor vehicle injury claims, after we all squawked about being gouged
i loathe the insurance bureau of canada... in my area alone, they ripped us off for some six BILLION dollars... because they could!
I have friends in the insurance biz too and it is hard to point out that the industry taps into primal fears of death, disability, etc. 'Tis a shady job, for sure. But for those who have had to USE their policies, I bet they were glad they had them. I, on the other hand, dislike writing my checks for disability and life insurance!
I've always wondered if people actually answer those spams too...
Maybe I should and ask them if it would help me grow a penis and become the flavour of the month on daytime talk shows...
LOL!
Yeah, predators of our fears aren't they.
I guess my name must sound like a man's name because I get lots of that spam too Ian.
As for insurance of any kind I find that most of it preys on the weakness and fears of society both in its advertising and its actual claims and at least half the time one has a fight on their hands for a minimum 2 to 4 years before they can collect anyway in which time you could have already lost your job, your house, your health, your spouse....
It was a wise day when I realized the vast amount of people in my world (spammers and otherwise) had personal agendas that had NOTHING to do with my personal safety, wealth, happiness, etc. I am now wary of just about everyone, especially advertisers. Have you seen the movie "Crazy People" with Dudley Moore? It's definitely worth a watch.
"Predators" is a good word for it.
My thoughts on insurance. Having disability insurance, a life insurance policy (term, not whole life) when you have someone depending on your income, health insurance, auto and homeowners insurance seem to be responsible types of insurance.
When I was first working, my employer did not offer me health insurance. I purchased a really cheap policy on my own, it had an enormous deductible ($1,000, which was a lot of case for me), and it was reasonably priced. I had no assets to protect, but I thought it was the responsible thing to do.
Now I see people getting rid of assets so they can go on Medicaid. You can have a half of a million dollar house, a car, and less than $2,000 in assets and be eligible for Medicaid. Blows my mind.
It's not just insurance companies who prey on your fears. I see a lot of "the world is going to hell in a handbasket so watch the news HERE at 6". So much for balanced journalism.
"The job is a means of selling somebody something they really don’t want to buy, but feel they must if they want their business to prosper." if having a bigger dick means I sell more paintigns then bring on the products! :) (OK -- I know I'm stretching it way too far with this one...)
I never seem to get those dick improver messages. I dont think it is because I am female, I suspect it is something to do with the antispam setup of my service provider? I could be wrong. But I do note I have seen most complaints re the spam on male blogs.
I do get enraged with the 'keep up with the Jones' advertising.
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