OK -- now it's time to come clean about this 'practice'

I admit it. I’m weak. I sometimes succumb to the temptation, and after I have given in to my baser instincts, then I end up racked with guilt and vow to not go there again – at least not for a while.

Do I refer to carnal vice, unspeakable sexual practices, porn surfing, or any other salacious activity? No, those are all OK in moderation. What I am referring to is ‘Googling’. Yes, now it’s out and I almost feel a bit cleansed by the admission, for I am periodically given to ‘Googling’ myself. Now that I have declared myself and my weakness, I’d just darn well like to know how many of you do the same thing.

There was a time once when we would go through life never really knowing what sort of impression we made on others. If we were public figures, we got a bit of press and TV coverage, but if we were ordinary schmoes, then we could only rely on the lies of our loved ones to know if we had any sort of profile.

And then came Google, in all its manifold glory. All I (or any of you) need to do is type in your name and see just how many references there are to you. If you have a fairly singular name (as do I), then it’s pretty easy, since most of the references under my name, will refer specifically to me. If your name is John Smith or Susan Jones it’s likely a bit more of a challenge.

When I first began self-googling I made excuses for the practice. I told myself (filled with denial, of course) that I was only doing it for professional reasons. I mean, I am a writer and I wanted to know if any of myself was being picked up and reprinted elsewhere. But then, as always happens with our vices, it became a bit obsessional. I did it more regularly, and began seeking obscure references to myself, you know, way up on screen #15 or somesuch. Ultimately, and to my shame, indeed mortification, it became a daily practice. That was too much. I grew afraid that others might find out.

What is the motivation for such a thing? I guess I’ll have to concede that it’s ego. We like to know we’re having some sort of impact. And, ego is not such a bad thing. If Michelangelo’s had no ego, we wouldn’t have had ‘David.’ If Shakespeare hadn’t been ego-driven, then the Hamlet manuscript would have been left in some Tudor dustbin because humble Will didn’t think it was “good enough.”

So, we all need a tad of egocentricity. And, if you are feeling shunned and rejected; if things aren’t going so well at work; if your spouse thinks you’re a putz or putzette, then get out there and Google yourself. You might be refreshingly surprised.

So, time to come clean. How many of you Google yourself once in a while? How many of you Google other bloggers?