Hey, you smell like Kew Gardens in lilac time, really you do
That big date! She's beautiful and you are handsome and you spend the evening at a fine restaurant, and maybe go and do a little dancing later. Yet, at 10 p.m. she begins to yawn and protest she's very fatigued and that perhaps it's time to call it a day. Your heart leaps up. This was all code, because she was really saying: "Let's go back to my place Big Boy, and I'll show you wonders you've never experienced before!"
Yet, you arrive at her doorstep all agog, but all you get is a perfunctory handshake and she's gone. You call her over the next two weeks, but each time her mom says she's washing her hair, and she'll get back to you. She never does.
And then, it comes to you. You realize what your problem is: Halitosis! You, buddy, have rotten disgusting breath and she was trying to keep from retching all evening.
Of all the possible sources of personal insecurity, halitosis is a really big one. You can stink under the arms like a barn on a torrid July afternoon, but if your breath smells bad, you're toast, date-wise. Seriously, people feel really inadequate about their breath. They mainly feel inadquate because they who emit foul fumes cannot tell if their breath is bad, whereas if you're exuding other disgusting odors, you generally have a pretty good idea.
Now, be honest, how many of you have ever blown into your own hand, hoping to discern the state of your breath? Doesn't work. Of course, certain factors may be a giveaway. If your teeth are rotting out of your head, if you've just been on a three day binge, if you've consumed a gallon of strong coffee and a carton of cigarettes, you probably don't smell bandbox. Otherwise, however, your breath is a mystery.
But, a team of researchers have put a pox on all of this. Recent findings, as reported a couple of days ago, have shown that 80 percent of people who live in fear of halitosis have absolutely nothing to worry about. True halitosis is actually remarkably rare, and often tells of an underlying medical condition rather than just lousy oral hygiene.
So, keep on chewing those garlic cloves prior to a big date. Not only will your girl not be offended, she will be reassured that you are keeping werewolves at bay. Or is it vampires? Probably works for both.
So, take that Listerine and Lavoris
Labels: bad breath not really so bad
posted by Ian Lidster at
2:57 PM
10 Comments:
I read somewhere that the fear of halitosis was a marketing ploy by gum/toothpaste/breath freshener interest groups to generate sales a few decades ago.
It worked!
I have found a much larger put off to be bad smelling feet. A couple of would-be suitors in the past, have been given the flick, due to rotten feet odours!
Of course, now that I am a non smoker, I find cigarette breath pretty awful too!
I rarely think about the way my breath smells at all. I have, on dates, made the guy have a taste of anything that I was eating that had garlic. And I refused to kiss my first husband when he came home from work if he had onion breath. I guess I'd be more concerned about body odor. It took me years to find a deodorant that I thought was good enough and I never wear anything twice, even bras and jeans.
I too have been put off men because of their breath.
Interesting about the marketing ploy!
chlorets... tastes like a mint, works like a miracle! ;) lol
morning mouth can be a real downer...
Well you certainly can't say Ian that your blog isn't diverse LOL. You are right though halitosis is actually quite rare. Generally speaking the food and drink we consume as well as our cleanliness determines the state of our breath. I'm with "meggie" and find smelly feet very obnoxious.
Does anyone outside the UK know how special Kew Gardens really are?
I told my son (14) the other night be really needed a shower because he smelt like a man (sweaty). What amuses me is that he sprays nice smelly stuff all over him before he goes to bed, even without a shower first.
I have a book with vintage ads in it, and there's a Listerine ad from the 20s or 30s I think that says how such and such is a great person, but he has no friends because of halitosis and is condemned to a life of solitude...
Unless of course he uses Listerine, whis is strong enough to kill pretty much any germ, but safe enough for use in "all bodily orifices" (!!!) I couldn't help but wonder what they did with Listerine in the 20s...
funny post ian. when i was a teen and dating, i'd get embarrassed by commercials like this. if i'm out with someone with stinky breath, i'll eat a mento, which i always have, then offer them one. i do like garlic in my food, but not on someone's breath, vampire or not.
The advertising industry especially targets women for their insecurity-inducing campaigns. If you watch enough tv, you will believe that every woman suffers from vaginal yeast infections all the time.
Since I have never had one in my life, I now have to feel inadequate and not womanly enough, whereas if I DID have them, I would also feel inadequate and buy their products.
People who smoke will smell like dead ashtrays, that's a given.
I remember the halitosis ads from my childhood. They were usually next to the Charles Atlas 96 pound weakling who got sand kicked in his face by the buff bully.
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