Friday, October 19, 2007

No-no, it's OK -- honestly -- really

So, I’m out for coffee the other morning and the proprietor of my favorite place, a 45-ish attractive woman whom I like very much, as she is friendly, chatty, funny and welcoming, just like a hospitality industry operator should be. I’ve been going there for a few years, so we know each other quite well.

“So, I’m off to Palm Springs in just two weeks,” she tells me. I say that such a trip sounds very appealing and that Wendy and I hope to take the same one in January or February, just to get away from the cold and wet.

“Only problem is, I’ve been so busy that I haven’t been able to get done all the things I want to do before I go away. I haven’t even made an appointment for a bikini wax.”

Wait a minute, I thought. Do I want to know this? Do I want my imagination to be going below your waistband rather than just thinking what a decent cup of coffee you offer. In other words, for me at least, that was ‘too much information.’

Now, I’m not a delicate soul, and I have been down certain roads sometimes too many times, and I know how most things work human anatomy-wise and otherwise. Furthermore, I am the farthest person from being prudish. But, you see, it’s a matter of seeing certain people in certain contexts. She serves me coffee. We don’t share a locker-room, bathroom or bedroom, nor am I seeking such intimacy.

Much as I decry the modern era, there are certain facets I like very much, including the breakdown of unnecessary prudish mores. At the same time, I am struck by the fact that some people just maybe go a little too far in their ‘sharing’, some other people go ‘waaaaaaaaaaaaay’ too far in their sharing. Unless I’m your gynecologist, there are just certain things I don’t want to know. I kinda like ‘mystique’, if you will.

So, I have (as a public service, you understand) divided unwelcome information into two categories. They are: Too Much Information (TMI), and Way Too Much Information (WTMI).

It’s all a matter of degree, of course. There are things I might share with my wife or other loved ones that I will not share with the public at large, no matter how fond I might be of individuals therein. Consider, if you will:

TMI

- The aforementioned bikini waxing and other intimate cosmetic procedures
- Anecdotes about family members whom I’ve never met, unless there is a tale of great importance in a general sense
- Marital woes of an intimate nature
- Stories of your mental breakdown or suicide attempt at 17. I’m not your therapist
- Stories of how drunk you got at some shindig or other. Tales of the debaucheries of others are horribly boring
- Longwinded stories about your pets
- In-depth recounting of the plot of a movie or book
- Declaring how urgently you have to pee at the moment of conversation. Just go, then, for heaven’s sake. I don’t need to know
- Your own political, religious, or racial views. I don’t want to hear about them and, if I find them repellent, I will have to change my assessment of you. At times it’s just good to shut-up.

WTMI

- unless I’m in an intimate relationship with you, I don’t really want to hear about your favorite sexual techniques, turn-ons, kinks, and infidelities
- infidelity as a category of its own. If I know your spouse or sexual partner, and you tell me that you or your opposite is fooling around, I will have to reappraise both of you
- your intimate behaviors with your partner
- Criticisms of a spouse or partner when he or she isn’t present. That’s both tacky and cowardly - Tales of abuse in your marriage. Scary stuff. So, what do you want from me. Should I call the cops?
- Any recounting of bowel or bladder habits and woes, incontinence, frequency of movements, and so forth, are just plain distasteful. This is between you and your intimate partner, or you and your doctor

You can probably think of many, many other TMI and WTMI examples, but those are mine for today.

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17 Comments:

Blogger Jazz said...

It's as if the breakdown of prudishness has brought on a breakdown of personal boundaries. There are lots of things I really do not need nor want to know.

The whole notion of discretion has flown out of the window, but then that's sort of the equivalent of how, for instance, people dress. A 12 year old dressed like a hooker - also TMI.

Or else maybe it's just because I'm getting old and intolerant.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Tanya Brown said...

Just to give you fair warning - my blog piece for tomorrow is a longwinded story about how one of my pets attempted suicide after getting drunk and having a massive bowel movement.

1:06 PM  
Blogger Tanya Brown said...

By the way - you've brought back a bizarre TMI memory. Years ago I was sitting in a room alone with a male co-worker, awaiting a report from the off-going shift. Suddenly he burst out with a statement along the lines of "Damn, I'm horny!" and continued on to say that he hadn't had sex since he'd gotten divorced and he was going to have to do something about that soon.

I can have trouble formulating appropriate responses in even normal social situations; this statement left me entirely befuddled: what possible connection could this have with our mutual job or the woes of the off-going shift? Why was he telling me this? Was I expected to comment on his lack of erotic bliss?

I can't remember how or even if I responded. However, along the lines similar to the ones you've related, I do remember that I lost a great deal of respect for him that day, became suspicious of people who associated with him, and steered clear of him thereafter.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Ellee Seymour said...

I think that would be too much information for my husband too. She obviously felt comfortable enough with you to share this personal info. So regard it as a compliment.

1:37 PM  
Blogger meggie said...

Why would someone feel the need to share that??
I dont get it. Seems a form of mental exhibitionism?

1:52 PM  
Blogger thailandchani said...

You are so right! It seems as though many people no longer know the difference between internal monologue and external dialogue! :)

5:13 PM  
Blogger jmb said...

How extraordinary. I can't believe she said that. Even if she said it to me, a female, it's WTMI. It must have been heavily on her mind, is all I can say.

6:31 PM  
Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

You are so right. On every one of those subjects.

I also do not want to know how much various items in your life cost. It is not my business -- let's keep it that way.

7:41 PM  
Blogger Sussanah said...

It may be childish, but when confronted with the WTMI (as I am on a regular basis having young staff who when I ask how was their weekend, actually tell me, not realising that it was a cursory comment, like an extended hello and that I actually did NOT want to know in detail how their weekend really was) so I stick my fingers in my ears and loudly say alalalalalalalalalalala until I see their mouth stop moving.

9:17 PM  
Blogger geewits said...

I agree with most of it but when you're at a bar in a party town like Vegas or New Orleans and total strangers from all over share their "stupid drunk stories" it can be a fun time. I mean, the stories have to be funny, not gross or sad. But a bunch of drunk people sharing funny drunk stories is fun. To me.

12:31 AM  
Blogger laughingwolf said...

like, who gives a rat's ass about ANYONE'S bikini wax jobs?

other than, as you say, it concerns your significant other... even then that's kept private

yes, tmi and wtmi seem to run rampant today

4:46 AM  
Blogger Janice Thomson said...

Bus stops and doctor's offices are the worse places for TMI or WTMI. Sorry to say I'm really not interested in a stranger's life story. My Dad always used to say this to people who talked too much about the wrong things: "I just asked for the time not the dam history of the clock!"
I often get accused of being secretive but the truth of the matter is I highly respect people's privacy and expect the same in return.

9:28 AM  
Blogger Tai said...

I dislike hearing about 'feminine issues', myself.
It's a "don't ask, don't tell" situation if I ever heard one. And believe me, I don't wanna hear!

I guess it COULD be construed as flattering that someone trusts you with such intimate information, but it's a flattery that I could do without.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

Oh my gosh, Ian, I am laughing out loud at your labels. "please," "tell me less." So funny! And "WTMI." Have you trademarked it yet? You should!

12:29 PM  
Blogger Spider Girl said...

Even if I'm very, very good friends with someone, there are SOME things I just don't ever want to know....

But sometimes they will tell you anyway.

However, they will be disappointed because I am not ever in the least bit tempted to reciprocate with reciprocal confessions of my own. Just the way I am. :)

3:36 PM  
Blogger heiresschild said...

i agree. there are just some things i don't want to know.

4:08 PM  
Blogger CS said...

Mostly, I'm with you on this, although I can think of exceptions. In general, I don't want to know that you haven't had sex in a long time nor that you just had it an hour ago, or any long story about pets, kids, grandkids, or prople i don't know. And definitely not anything of a GI tract nature.

8:05 PM  

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