Wednesday, July 04, 2007

'She would never do that! Would she?'



Wendy can spot a fraud on a crowded subway platform or from 100 yards away across a smoke-filled room. That is provided the fraud is a woman. She admits she wasn’t always quite as astute with the opposite sex, which goes to explain her second husband. On the other hand, she has, since that experience, become pretty wily and instinctive about men, too. That’s good since that means I must pass muster.

With women, however, she absolutely ‘knows’ and she’s always right. She knows the signs. She’s not paranoid about the matter, and if the woman is the real goods, then she has a friend for life.

A few years ago I lent a female friend $1,000. She was having a hard time and was behind a bit of an eight-ball. I felt this female friend was an honorable person and, after all, that’s what friends are for. This was early in Wendy’s and my relationship and we were just at the dating stage, so what I did with my money was my choice.

“You what?” she said, when I told her. “Well, I guess you can kiss that money goodbye because you’ll never see it again.”

I protested she was wrong, and since she didn’t know the person very well and I (thought I) did, I felt she was being unfair. Anyway, I was being a gentleman, just like I was raised to be. But, as it was, even though she'd only met her briefly, Wendy got the goods on her. She saw her as a parasite. A user.

Long story short, of course Wendy was right. I actually did finally get my money back, about three years later, and that was after I had threatened legal action on my erstwhile friend. By the way, everything Wendy ever felt about this woman turned out to be absolutely true. Yet, she seemed so nice. And honest.

Where Wendy’s homing instinct is absolutely infallible is if a woman has ‘designs’, namely on me. Being male, I rarely recognize this and will only regard certain behaviors as being ‘friendly.’ I like women, and when it seems that a woman likes me, I am both flattered and feel nice and warm inside. At the same time, I am thoroughly faithful, so nobody is a threat to the sanctity of what we have and cherish deeply.

So, if I extol the virtues of a female friend, I will elicit this response: “Watch out for her.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, knowing exactly what she means, but confounded as to why she has come to such a conclusion. Yet, I know she is in all likelihood right.

“Just watch out for her,” she will repeat.

Wendy, despite having close female friends, and despite the fact that I have a number of cherished female friends (who, like the one I mentioned in my last blog, Wendy trusts completely), believes in the Kiplingesque comment “The female is deadlier than the male.”

“I know how women work,” she will say. “Men, poor and trusting saps that they are, rarely do. They idealize women. Women rarely do. And, there is a certain type of woman who must never be trusted.”

On the other hand, she does concede that I have gotten a bit wiser about gender interplay.

“About time,” she says.

12 Comments:

Blogger AlieMalie said...

hehe. Wendy sounds fantastic.

i hope i pass muster come september.

;)

10:23 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

I'm liking Wendy.

Mr. Jazz had a friend who was madly in love with him and he hadn't a clue; for him she was the little sister he never had. At one point she went home to Europe and invited him to see her, he said we'd love to go, she wrote back (this was before the age of email) saying "Are you an idiot, I don't want her there I love you!" Poor Mr. Jazz was floored and couldn't believe it was as obvious as the sun in the sky.

You men are the cutest cluelessest things...

12:01 PM  
Blogger dragonflyfilly said...

yeah, i think it is called "wishful thinking", although i think women are just as culpable as men when it comes to wanting to think a certain way about a subject or person, i don't think it is "gender-specific", if that is the right phrase.

Anyway, i have a personal philosophy about lending money that works for me. If i can afford to give $20,30 40 ____whatever amount of $$ away, i will lend it, because it doesn't matter if i get it back or not; then when i do get it back, hey BONUS...if i am in a position (as i am right now) where i cannot afford to give someone even $5.00, if someone were to ask me, "Can you lend me $5.00", the answer would be a simple "nope"...

enuf said,
pj

12:17 PM  
Blogger Voyager said...

I admire Wendy's radar, or judgement ability. I don't have it. A woman would have to be flirting outrageously with B before I would clue in. B on the other hand would not clue in until the woman was dancing around him naked.
V.

3:08 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Holy cow is Wendy ever a wise woman. (And I love Voyager's comment!) I must say that she's right on about the female of the species being deadlier. That has been my experience all my life. When I find a non-competitive, self-effacing, supportive, funny girlfriend I hang on for dear life! They are so rare. You got yourself a good'un, Ian, and I think she did too.

4:43 PM  
Blogger jmb said...

Well you have been blessed in finding Wendy, so look after her.

People aren't always easy to figure out, but usually we get wiser as we get older and have been burned a few times.

But I do think men understand men better than women and women understand women better than men. Makes sense, doesn't it?
regards
jmb

4:55 PM  
Blogger noneofyourbusiness said...

Ian, Wendy is definitely a find! That sort of discernment is good to have, and it's useful no matter what you're looking out for.

I can pick up on people from both sexes, and I'm seldom wrong ... however, when I am, it's almost always a doozy. *rolls eyes*

About being clueless, I've seen clueless on both sides of the fence, too ... not just men. I guess a lot of discernment can be developed through the school of hard knocks - the more clueless a person is, the harder the knocks.

Not a pleasant way to learn, but it seems to be quite effective.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi,
I just dropped by to say hello. You have a very nicely written and thought provoking article. It's amazing how women can see fraud from their own kind that most men would simply not see or just disregard completely. Probably, its the intuition side of them. Nice that you were able to recover your money back after three years.

Thanks for the informative article. I'll be reading more of your previous posts as I browse your blog again. By the way, I got your name from dr. deb's blog.

God bless you with all the best things in life.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Ian said...

I'll agree with you wholeheartedly that we fellas are poor trusting saps.

The Other Ian

7:33 PM  
Blogger Ellee Seymour said...

It's feminine intuition, I have a similar antennae too.

8:34 AM  
Blogger Janice Thomson said...

Wendy definitely knows her stuff. I think women can hone in on this kind of thing easily because deep down they are protecting their man and can pick up on when another woman is actually cruising LOL. Users do tend to be the nicest people in order to hook you... then use your friendship as a way to get what they want. Good post Ian.

7:04 PM  
Blogger CS said...

Keen radar, although I don't buy that men are poor trusting saps. I've known men who were idiculously paranoid. I somehow missed out on the jealousy gene and would have to actually find someone in bed before I got it.

10:17 AM  

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