Monday, June 25, 2007

Happy is as happy does, my Granny used to say



  • An old Donovan song offers this little bit of wisdom, and maybe that’s all we need to know: “Happiness runs in a circular motion … da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dee-dee-dum." Sorry for the last bit, but I couldn’t remember the lyrics and I wasn’t about to pull out the old LP from the garage just to verify. In any case, the point was the initial sentiment because I believe that sentiment to be truthful.

    Happiness does run in a circular motion rather than in a straight line as in: “Only if (this) would happen, then I would be happy.” No you wouldn’t. You’d be happy initially if it did happen, and then you would move on around the circle rather than in a linear fashion.

    I only mention this because Saturday’s Globe & Mail newspaper devoted an entire section on the weekend to “happiness” and our quest for it. Indeed, our whole societal ethic today appears to be based on people being happy. Everything from cars, to cosmetics, to foodstuffs, to Viagra, to nostrums for cranky bowels (because it’s never a good time for diarrhea) are based on the beliefs that if you don’t have an alluring vehicle, aren’t looking beautiful, aren’t eating trendy and tasty stuff, can’t get it up, or live in fear of a nasty accident, then you are unhappy, and the items advertised will make you happy.

    While it’s true that all of the aforementioned might improve some aspect of your life, they won’t make you ‘happy,’ because happiness is a state-of-mind.

    I’ve mentioned before that I had a much-cherished uncle who was completely crippled and blinded by a severe form of rheumatoid arthritis that had assaulted him in his late teens. This guy, when I knew him, was not only well-adjusted, he was essentially ‘happy’ in the true Platonic sense of the world. Within his limitations he had a sense of well-being that I still often envy. He was, in fact, much better adjusted than his brother – my father – whose bits all worked just fine.

    In other words, my uncle had found an inner peace of the sort that should probably be what our quest for happiness should entail. And that is something that no product, no government intervention, no blissful sexual encounter, and no trip to exotic lands will bring about.

    We have a certain misapprehension that God, Allah, Whoever or Whatever you believe in, created us to be happy. No He-She-It didn’t. We were created to just ‘Be’, with the rest being up to us. A little blind-luck being thrown in is always nice, too. Do we think the kid of a beggar in Calcutta says to his folks: “Gee, I’m not very happy. What can be done about this?”
    “Sorry, kid. Life’s a karmic crapshoot and somehow it seems not everybody gets to live like a maharaja. Now, get out there and beg your little heart out.”

    But, I do know what makes me happy. Not ‘all’ the time. Life is like that, but I do find a general contentment from (in no particular order) the following:

    1. Being alive
    2. Being relatively healthy
    3. Being largely free of addictions (does coffee count?)
    4. Being in a loving and honest relationship
    5. Living in a generally progressive and tolerant society
    6. Having an education
    7. Being relatively intelligent
    8. Living in a low-crime neighborhood
    9. Having a sense-of-humor
    10. Not obsessing about things I can do nothing to remedy, but doing something about the things I can.

    And, that’s about it. For me. For today. I have no idea about what tomorrow will look like.
    What are your keys to happiness?

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11 Comments:

Blogger Dr. Deb said...

Somtimes I think we need the example of others to remind us what is good in life. Your uncle sounded like an amazing man.


Donovan is right, happiness runs in a circular motion. It's up to us to jump in and grab hold.

Peace,
Deb

12:36 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

I read an interesting article once that basically stated that extreme poverty or trauma notwithstanding, we all have a sort of built-in 'happiness quotient' and though you can tinker with it a bit, through therapy and what-not, there isn't a lot of change overall. In other words, if you were to actually get those things you think you need to make you happy they *do* work short-term, but eventually you end up back at your original default position, thinking that if you just had the mansion now, or the CEO position, supermodel wife etc. *then* you'd *really* be happy. Your uncle is a perfect illustration of how this principle works.

1:18 PM  
Blogger CS said...

Most of those things. I'd add my kids, and the fact that I am a blessings-counter and am temperamentally unable to stay unhappy for very long at a time.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Bibi said...

Great post ... LOVE the picture ... how could anyone look at that and not smile!

I get tired of people whining they're not happy when they have their health and faculties, and agree that we choose to be happy, or not. You look to your uncle; and I look to my mother who is severely disabled now yet always tries to find something to laugh at.

My keys to happiness = I look for joy. And I try to remember I am at choice and if I'm not happy, or life isn't joyful, I'd better get off my butt and do something about it! And honestly, it doesn't take make much to make me happy. I love to laugh and avoid joy-suckers like the plague.

9:18 PM  
Blogger jmb said...

I think that none of us could do better than this list of the keys to happiness that you have formulated.
But I do wonder sometimes if there is a happiness gene inside us that is dominant in some, recessive in others.
I was in my forties before I realized that whatever I did, I could not make my mother happy, only she could.
I found this quite liberating in that I did not change my behaviour towards her but ceased to feel guilty that she was unhappy.
My mother-in-law who was in similar circumstances was a very contented woman and delightful to be around.

11:08 PM  
Blogger Janice Thomson said...

Your list is very similar to mine though I could sum it up with your first and last one: Just happy being alive and able to change the things I can. Love this post Ian.

9:15 AM  
Blogger Voyager said...

I am happy that little things, like a perfect rose in my garden, or the dufus antics of the dogs, can make me happy.
V.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

I think my list would pretty much mirror yours. I'm an easy enough creature to please. I can never seem to stay unhappy for long, which pretty much rules out becoming a tortured artist as a career choice.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Hageltoast said...

i don't know that song, but Yellow Rainbow by the move always makes me happy.

1:03 PM  
Blogger Big Brother said...

Your list pretty much covers it all for me, Ian. Great post it's good to be reminded about how lucky we are from time to time.

1:31 PM  
Blogger heiresschild said...

the proof that things and people don't make a person happy is in the hollywood romances. probably a lot of romances for that matter, but hollywood is a big joke with people jumping from one person's spouse to another seeking happiness.

i may not always be happy about a situation, but i don't look for things to make me happy.

8:38 PM  

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