Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Geezers Rule on Vancouver Island

Just what I’d always suspected: Geezers rule on Vancouver Island.

Recent national demographic information noted that there is a larger quotient of 60-plus people in this chunk of land off the coast of British Columbia than anywhere else in the country.

In a couple of communities the median age now is, I believe, 107. I meet them. They clutter up the aisles of supermarkets with their walkers and scooters on pension day.

The reason they’re here, it is suggested, is the climate. As the years encroach, most sensible people seek pleasant, wafting breezes rather than pounding blizzards.

I understand that. I understand that to the degree that I don’t find this island to be warm enough, and seek my balm in Hawaii or Palm Springs in the chilly months. But, as far as the rest of Canada (a vast and frigid wasteland, I like to think) is concerned the Island is pretty benevolent. I have a good-sized palm tree in my front yard that I do not need to winterize, and there are so many palms in Victoria that they are no longer even a slight curiosity. Yeah, it’s a pretty nice place, and that’s why the old farts come here.

But, I don’t really want them to. I mean, I’m entitled because I’m a west coast boy. But people from Timmins, Ontario or Cold Lake Alberta, I think should stay in the place they were spawned at. Sorry if it’s too cold, but them’s the breaks.

I don’t want them to come here for a number of reasons:

1. I don’t believe the statistics about 60-plus, for I think the majority of the newly-arrived oldsters are 80 or 90 plus, and they ‘all’ take to the highway, driving huge RVs at times when I have to do my fairly regular commute between Comox and Victoria (about 140 miles – I use the old measurement for distance for the sake of my US and UK readers, and also because I’m bloody-minded and hate metric because it’s too logical and too French) and impede the traffic flow for the entire distance by driving 20 mph below the posted speed in both slow and fast lanes.

2. They bring with them ‘furrin’ ideas, like the ones that suggest that we should vote for political parties that are popular in establishment Ontario, rather than ones that are ‘populist’ (hence anti-Ontario establishment) in coastal BC. What’s worse is that such are their numbers; they sometimes end up electing the bastards, and then the rest of us are stuck with them.

3. They drive up the prices of real estate inordinately. Well, I don’t really mind that so much since it means I can sell my house for hundreds of thousands more than I paid for it, but it does kind of shaft younger people – the actually ‘productive’ elements of any society.

4. They demand all sorts of infrastructure niceties: The concept of ‘frontier’ doesn’t appeal to them, and they want to sort of health care, for example, that they had back in Guelph, ON. And, since their numbers are so huge, that puts a demand on me, the homegrown taxpayer.

So, in light of all the above, my ‘modest proposal’ is this: We can welcome dotage outsiders on one condition. The condition is based on the fact that Vancouver Island is very large – nearly 300 miles long and 50 miles wide (it’s by far the largest island on the west coast of North America), but all the population virtually is stuck on the lower half (my half). There is a whole half of the Island north of Campbell River that is just crying out for population. Towns like Port Hardy and Port McNeill have lost population in recent years.

So, I suggest that all new arrivees should have to go up north if they want to come here. I mean, really, they’d love it. It’s very beautiful and wonderfully unspoiled (if you ignore the logging clearcuts and mining operations); offers recreational opportunities galore, and the roads are hardly traveled by anybody. You can drive at 45 and nobody will really give a damn, or succumb to road rage.

If you think this all makes me sound curmudgeonly, so be it. I’m entitled. I’m getting older, too.

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11 Comments:

Blogger Voyager said...

What's your address Ian? I'm going to build a retirement community right next door. And I will only advertise it in Ontario newspapers.
V.

11:11 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

1) You have palm trees? I'm thinking I just might be obliged to hate you soon.

2) Too logical and too French? What have you got against logic, or more to the point against the French? Y'all need more culture out there.

Thus I propose that only us left leaning annoying French should be allowed to emigrate. You get culture, and we're used to no services in Quebec. Besides, never you fear, we drive like maniacs. You'll look like the geezer on the highway.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Big Brother said...

Yep I'll go with Jazz, you'll get about as much culture as you can handle, a whole new language to learn, (Québecois French has nothing to do with your west coast high school French but it is easier to learn than Mandarin)) and people who believe that the posted speed limit is the minimum speed you should travel at.

1:29 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Jazz and BB are definitely on the right track.

As actual cities go, Kelowna has you beat with a higher percentage 65+, but Victoria has all the REAL oldsters (80+), like my aunts and uncles! They all gravitate there eventually.

Those damn foreigners as you like to think of those of us from The Continent are definitely coming for the climate because it sure ain't the cheap real estate! :) But I hate it when they import their conservative politics, too. Gordon Campbell is in power because of them! (Gnashing of teeth.) You shouldn't be allowed to vote once you start resisting change and bleating, "But it's always been done this way!"

You're also right on about the island geography/demography. I always think of Campbell River as being "at the far north end of the island" even though it's only halfway up, because, after all, what's north of CR? With the depressed economy up north, a few more oldsters to at least invigorate the economies of real estate agents and health care workers is definitely in order.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Ian Lidster said...

Chere Jazz et BB:
You'll note that I said not a negative word against Quebecois French. As for my comment against French-French, it was meant tongue-in-cheek, of course, and of course metric is more sensible. I just grew up with the imperial mode, so I still think in that measurement.
Back to la belle province, to insult Quebec in the Comox Valley would be to insult about a third of the work force at the air base, CFB Comox (our largest employer in these here parts), for about that number is francophone.
Oh, and the immersion schools in the Comox Valley teach Quebecois French, BTW as well as Parisian.
Cheers,
Ian

2:58 PM  
Blogger Ian Lidster said...

Dear Andrea, I am ashamed to admit that after all my years on the Island, until last year the farthest north I'd ever been was Sayward. And yes, CR was always considered the Great White North. Of course, in my silly fake ranting, I couldn't include the lower mainland, since that was where I grew up.

Dear Voyager: It's OK, we already have one virtually next door, with a surfeit of Ontarians and Albertans.

Cheers,
Ian

3:02 PM  
Blogger jmb said...

Well you've made that quite clear. I guess I'll have to stay where I am. Can I visit now and again?
Actually there are lots of slow pokes here in Vancouver and they aren't all old folks, let me tell you. I gnash my teeth constantly when I drive around behind the people who just on the speed limit, let alone below.
jmb

6:54 PM  
Blogger molly said...

Surely you're writing, not about Vancouver, but about my neck of the woods, here on the 'Redneck Riviera' in west central Florida? Because you've described our brand of geezer to a T!

9:03 PM  
Blogger Janice Thomson said...

Careful now Ian...I'm very close to being one of those old geezers, LOL. However lucky for you I don't drive nor do I own a huge Rv and I'm not using a scooter or walker...yet. ;) And I can't afford to go to Hawaii or the many other beautiful balmy places out there in the big universe. But I promise to stay out of your way if you let me live here...you won't even notice me.

(PS: I am indeed one of those upstarts originally from Alberta but have been here for 20 years now...does that count? LOL)
Love your rants as always.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Ian Lidster said...

Well, Janice, you'll note I didn't reveal my age, but I'm probably closer to the geezer demographic than are you.
Twenty years since you left Alberta, absolutely you belong. After all, it has only been 15 years since Wendy left Alberta, and she counts.
Cheers,
Ian

8:49 AM  
Blogger laughingwolf said...

hahahahahahahaha

yup, 'struth in whatcha pretend-rant about, ian ;) lol

i first moved out to bc in the 60s [university], then all over the country... in nova scotia for the past 10, but love the west coast so much, won't be too long til i'm back... you have been warned :P

i'm with you on the 'hate metric', conversions are a bitch in the ol bean... but i drive like my francophone buds, super fast ;) lol

4:30 AM  

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