Please, Lord, protect us from ourselves
I don’t know what a trans-fat looks like. Wendy, who was once in the culinary trade, attempted to explain it to me -- something about ‘hydrogenated’ oils or some such -- and then my eyes glazed over as it often does about matters scientific, and I wondered if there was still cake left over from the previous night’s dessert. Cake would be nice. And ice cream.At the same time, I don’t know what a vitamin looks like, either. I know lack of this indescribable entity leads to conditions like scurvy, beri-beri, yaws and ungulate fever and other unspeakable things, so I guess they’re real enough.
Probably trans-fats are, too. At least that’s what the government is telling the people of British Columbia, so who am I to quibble? You know I always adhere to the tenets of do-gooding officialdom.
But, where is it going to end? Are we soon to expect brown-shirted ‘enforcers’ telling us what we must and must not insert into our gaping maws? Will we be dragged off at 3 a.m. due to a neighbor reporting we were seen sneaking out of McDonald’s with a container of fries? Will child turn against parent? Will Mel Gibson get pissed up again and blame it all on the loss of the Latin Mass?
Truly, those who ‘know better how to take care of us than we do’, have already rendered public smoking a virtually capital punishment offence. And there are many screeds against the evils of second-hand smoke (I don’t necessarily disagree, I just detest the heavy-handedness), and now, if you haven’t heard, it is third-hand smoke. I’m awaiting the arrival of prohibitions against fourth-hand smoke, which is, I believe, those cases in which your great-grandmother once dated (but did not marry) a rakish Yale lad in 1927 who was given to sucking on a meerschaum periodically.
Meanwhile, pregnant women have been exhorted for ages to stay away from the booze due to the possibility of fetal alcohol syndrome (fair enough), but a recent Oxford study states quite emphatically that the fairer sex shouldn’t ever indulge in even a small glass of plonk since any consumption whatsoever of alcohol will lead to breast cancer, and assorted other cancers.
And now, cut out those damn trans-fats and the BC government has decreed (just so we might not notice there are other social issues that maybe, just maybe deserve to be addressed) that we will be a trans-fat free domain henceforth. What remains of my beleaguered heart swells with pride at how our dauntless leaders are protecting us. We will be the first geopolitical enclave in North America to be trans-fat free. I am not making this up.
Burger and fries, pshaw, we will give you carrot sticks, celery and radishes and you will ultimately thank us for it and you will disregard the fact that those streets that are not crawling with homeless, abused children, gun-totin’ criminals who will never feel the force of the law, due to your infatuation with a benevolent government that will protect you and your arteries.
For indeed you are not sensible enough yourself to cut out eating shit like hotdogs at ballgames, pizzas before the Superbowl, or nachos at the pub on a Friday evening, ‘ve haff vays of makink you do zo!’, or words to that effect.
Personally I believe this is a vast conspiracy designed to appeal to certain obsessive women who are determined to get men to eat veggies, so they will get officialdom to help them out. Nothing like storm-troopers to get the point across. Most women no longer accept male protestations that ketchup and relish are vegetables, even though menfolk persist in adhering to such beliefs. I mean, if the ketchup thing was good enough for Ronald Reagan, who are we to disbelieve?
Actually, there are two other vegetables I embrace: corn on the cob, and potatoes in absolutely any form. Both actually taste like real food if slathered with the right condiments.
Oh, and as far as corn goes, I think I am on the winning side here. No trans-fat laden margarine for me. I am a butter man all the way.
posted by Ian Lidster at
10:00 AM
14 Comments:
The truth is, there is none. I mean, look at my dad, he's 71, smokes about 4 packs of cigs per day, 350 lbs and works his ass off every single day - more energy than a 21 year old! He eats all the wrong foods, however, he fills up on a lot of fruit which has antioxidants in them. So I believe that people can eat what they want, but make sure you back it up with the right stuff too!
Eggs were bad, now they're the "perfect food"---but tell that to someone who has high cholesterol.
It. will. never. end. Pfffbbttt!
Balance, I say. The government has a stake in it becaus eof the high costs of obesity related-diseases. I think that's fair enough. But you can't outlaw particular foods. It would make more sense to sunsidize healthier foods and slap a sin tax on junk foods, to encourage people to eat better and help pay for the medical care for those who simply refuse. But onc that is done, you have to back off and let people shorten their lifespan if they want to.
(And you know, Ian, I encourage my boys to eat vegetables I am not remotely obsessive. Balance.)
all in moderation, ian... i must watch cholesterol and high blood pressure... losing some weight would help
I have a veggie burger with your name on it. ;-)
This was fun until you got to the sexist part. I'm hardly bragging or anything but in my house it's my husband who is the healthy food person. When it comes to side dish choices I'll opt for the mac and cheese while he gets the fresh steamed veggies. I could eat the fresh steamed veggies if they'd give me a side of melted butter to pour over them.
With the likes of the billion dollar or pound diet industry, it is no wonder that this is rammed down our throats (sorry to use a food metaphor) all the time. Just look at any diet section in a bookshop - this healthy eating thing is big business.
What makes me laugh is that very often so called 'slimming products' like Special K cereal for example is often higher in calories than everyday cereal like cornflakes. They are very tricksy, these diet companies.
tsk tsk tsk Ian. You just don't understand.
They want you healthy when you have to face that gun toting criminal, that way you can run faster.
Oh, and what on earth is third hand smoke. Are you making that up?
Well hell, I just googled it. Who knew.
heh.
I love how we can't eat anything that's even looked at butter because it'll make us all fat fat fat, but god forbid we use something like margarine because it'll make us all shrivel up and die from CANCER!
I think people are going to die earlier of stressing out too freaking much about what they eat than if they just freaking forgot about it and enjoyed themselves.
I'm going to die happy, damnit!
It's not like the government cares about our well being. They just don't want to pay for our triple bypass operations.
V.
Ian you would starve in my house for sure. But you would eat really healthy. And the only smoking goes on out on the back porch with the kids. ;-} And not cigarettes.
But we do like to have fun and we pay more attention to high fructose corn syrup and sugar.
I think my tongue-in-cheek here left the impression that I eat garbage. I am actually a very healthy eater of lots of fruits and veggies on a daily basis and virtually never fast-food it and transfats are taboo at our house. I guess what I meant was that such decisions should be up to the individual and should be encouraged via education and not nanny-state policing and prohibitions. I also think public space smoking bans are a good thing. OK, I have now revealed myself for who I really am.
i *love* the public smoking bans. flame me if you wish, all you smokers out there, but i cannot tell you how happy i was to be in london the months before they instituted the public smoking ban across the entire UK. i relish it. wish it would happen here. EVERYWHERE. i am terrified of cancer and there are far, far too many studies that show there is a direct correlation between second hand smoke and lung cancer.
not only that, but i kinda harken it to free speech a la your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins. your right to smoke your cigarette ends where my nose begins, ya know?
anyway, too much coffee this morning so additional extra long comment.
I remember the days when milk was the most perfect food and that we should consume x number of glasses a day. Then came studies. Somewhere along the line things changed and it became too high in cholesterol, too this and too that.
Having known a Surge dairy equipment dealer I was shocked to learn the number and amount of preservatives and how OLD the milk really is before we get it. Now it is back in the limelight albeit only 2% or skim milk. I wonder why the government in all their WISDOM failed to see the damage preservatives can do or have done resulting in many babies now allergic to it. Hmmm....am I missing something here?
And so it is with all foods.
Yep - rules are made and laws enforced so government officials don't look like lazy fools.
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