Using that other L-word

What’s the biggest Hallmark seller after Mother’s Day? Of course it’s Valentine’s Day. Tomorrow. Or, today if you are reading this tomorrow. And Valentine’s Day invariably sends one the direction of thoughts of love.

Not love as in lovemaking, although that’s a darn swell manifestation of love, but more ‘love’ as a word and how we use it.

My handy online dictionary defines it thusly:

love
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(l v)
n.
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair

The foregoing definition works for me and covers the amorous ground, to a degree at least. And in looking at love from that perspective, I sometimes worry if we’ve cheapened the word in recent years by being too ready to use it for all occasions.

I was talking to Wendy on the phone and she told me she was going to lunch with a lady friend that day. I haven’t seen her friend for a long time and don’t really know her that well, but immediately said: “Well, give her my love.”

“I didn’t know you knew her so well that you had such an affection for her,” Wendy said.
“I don’t know her that well, and I couldn’t say if I would feel that way about her if I did know her better. But, you know, it’s just a throwaway. That’s what everybody says.”
“I don’t,” she replied. “I say it to you and that’s about it.”
“OK, I get what you’re saying. Uh – just say ‘hi’ for me.”

People tend to use ‘love’ quite blithely these days. Perhaps it is a sign of perilous and insecure times, or maybe it has just been cheapened. Sort of like the ‘F-word’ which hardly works as a curse any longer as it has become so ubiquitous.

I confess, I use ‘love’ a fair amount. I will call females of my acquaintance ‘love’ or ‘my love’ fairly blithely, though never in a creepy way. But, and it is a big ‘but’, I don’t use it cheaply. If it comes into a reference it is because I feel genuine affection for the individual. Not necessarily hearts-and-flowers, or “let’s leap into bed” affection, but human affection. I am an affectionate person and the world is filled with too much pain, torment and anger.

In that context, I am not offended by the concept of Valentine’s Day. I think it’s rather nice to have one day out of the year given over, if not to huge romantic love, then at least to human affection with no ulterior motive in mind. Unless there is an ulterior motive in mind, and that’s fine, too but it is something you’ll have to work out for yourselves.

‘Love’ in its broader context is like kissing. There are genuine and deep kisses and they are heavenly, and then there are light kisses. Even light mouth kisses. I only kiss three females on the mouth. My wife, of course, and two old female friends, and in their cases it is very light and fleeting kisses that are only set apart from cheek kisses (the next order in the scale) by the location of their destination. Cheek kisses (either given or received) are nice and also only for special people via some sort of mutual understanding.

To closer female friends I close personal letters or emails with ‘love’. Nothing to do with romance per se, but very much a sign of affection and trust. I email an old old friend whom I’ve known since first grade. When we began writing each other a few years ago she asked if I would object if she closed her letters with ‘love’. I said there was nothing I’d like more. It made me feel good.

Enough.

Happy Valentines Day and love to you all.