If your Mondays are awful (and everyone's are) blame the school system

When I first awaken pre-dawn on a Monday morning I am struck by a brief (very brief) thought of maybe slashing my wrists.

It’s OK. I’m not really suicidal at all, but there is something about a Monday that brings about the impulse of not really wanting to face the realities of the day. Because, in so facing, one must also accept the realities of the week that ensues.

I think maybe more people off themselves on Monday than on any other day of the week. I have no statistics to bear this out, but it makes sense to me.

Two days of the week cause the greatest angst in western society: Monday and Sunday. And Sunday’s are truly stressful for many. Sundays can be tedious and, in a seeming contradiction, feel both long and short.

“There’s something about a Sunday that makes a body feel alone,” wrote Kris, and rarely has a truer sentiment been penned. Sundays are inclined to be lonely, especially for those who are socially isolated. Sundays also put us in anticipation of Monday, however, and I think that is the real vileness of the day.

Years ago I wrote a column no the wretchedness of Sunday; on the angst that starts to bubble up early in the afternoon and increases in magnitude as the hours crawl (or speed) by. Anyway for that virtually throwaway column I received more mail and phone calls than any other I ever wrote. Everybody, it seemed, could relate to it.

One guy wrote that the afternoons were so bad he found it prudent to begin drinking at about 2 p.m. so that by bedtime he was effectively numbed.

Yet all of this Sabbath distress, I believe, is due to Monday anticipation. Sunday before vacation for example, doesn’t cause boils in the soul. Such a Sunday can be a fine day. No, it is because Sunday is the day prior to the week’s demands.

Personally, I blame all of this adult misery on the schools. A word of advice here, if you are ever in doubt about something to blame for all that is wretched in your life, blame the schools. It’s an easy cheapshot and who could argue with you? Prior to being frogmarched up to first grade, most of us had decent Mondays, filled with play and frolicking. Then a hideous reality was imposed on us and life became less charming. It would always remain less charming. Yep, blame the schools and the ineffective farce of public education.

After that, Mondays are bound to be bad for the remainder of your life. Take my case, for example. Monday is essentially my least challenging workweek day. I don’t have to go into the office for client counseling until Tuesday, and I have a day before me in which I can catch up on writing projects, puttering in the garden, maybe planning something splendidly tasty for dinner, or having coffee with a friend.

My Monday is all of those things, yet I still have this big hand twisting my gut, just because it’s Monday. Monday merely reminds me of all the things I vowed to get to during the week and hadn’t addressed the previous week due to such important causative factors as laziness and procrastination. Consequently, my Mondays leave me feeling immersed in guilt because I know I will decide that the entire challenging Monday task I should address will be deferred until Tuesday.

So, here I am, late morning Monday, writing this blog rather than turning my hand to a freelance writing project that is three-quarters finished but that I don’t feel like getting back to, even though I won’t be paid until I finish it.

Goddamn Mondays.

I blame the schools.