Thursday, February 05, 2009

Big girls don't cry. C'mon, don't cry, I said

We know that people haven’t been hard enough hit by our staggering global economic woes if their primary obsession is that some D-list entertainer has turned into a lardass.

Some singer (or something) named Jessica Simpson is reported to have joined the blimpo brigade much to the consternation of those who have much too little to be actually concerned about. OK, I know who Jessica Simpson is, sort of, a singer of some kind, I believe. I just feigned ignorance of her presence on the planet to emphasize the point as to how little I care if she balloons up to 400 pounds and then explodes.

Anyway, piling on a bit of pork hasn’t hurt our Jessica too much. She is getting more supermarket tab cover space and ink than her previous (lack of) talents afforded her. No such thing as bad publicity, goes the adage.

What worries me about this societal obsession with excess avoirdupois – obesity is the new smoking – is that it suggests any sort of heft is by its very nature unappealing and no female should ever be more than wisp-like in bearing. In other words, what the tabs are telling Jessica and every adolescent miss is that plumpness equates with being a dog.

The odd thing about this is that males don’t really care all that much about a surfeit of female poundage that has gone beyond some mystically prescribed ideal weight. Where did that come from? Seriously. Give yourself one of those much-hyped BMI tests and I almost guarantee the result will show that you are too chubby.

Showing how fashions change, Marilyn Monroe by current BMI standards would be deemed obese.

Personally, I rather likes me a ‘well-built’ woman. But, I guess I am a product of my times. Me and Rubens.

Of course, there are health issues with extravagant adiposity, and they are not to be scoffed at. There is the huge increase in Type II diabetes for example. But, in my esteem that is more a by-product of the crud we eat rather than weight per se. Throw back items swimming in transfats and you are bound to pay the price. I cringe when I watch the TV commercial about the dutiful Mom who is feeding her kids goddamn Pop-tarts for brekkie before sending them off to school.

But, speaking of brekkie, I think that is one issue that might be addressed. I love breakfast and truly do feel it’s the most important meal of the day. I especially love those wonderful English breakfasts: Eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fried bread, sometimes kidneys and kippers and even baked beans on the side. It’s a great deal if it’s included with your room rate. That way a body can skip lunch if traveling on a budget.

At the same time, I’m really only good for a couple of those per trip or I end up feeling bloated.

American breakfasts I find at times to be incomprehensibly large: Eggs, bacon, toast, pancakes, etc. served in absolutely massive portions. Again, once or twice per trip. After that it’s a bowl of instant oatmeal back in our motel room to start out our subsequent days of travel.

Actually, oatmeal is God’s gift to sensible eating. It’s very good for you, zaps cholesterol, fills a body nicely and tastes great.

Try oatmeal, Jessica, it might serve you better if you’re worried about your zaftigness. Though, I don’t think you need to be.
Oh, and do you have a favorite breakfast? If so, please feel free to share it. My is good, old-fashioned eggs benedict, but on fresh prawns, or lox in lieu of ham or bacon.



Blogger Sugar said...

Oooh, I love a good eggs benny with fresh fruit and pan fries on the side! Served of course with a stong bold cup of coffee - yum. I really enjoy the Atlas Cafe's eggs benny. I try to have brunch there at least once whenever I visit the 'Mox'.

6:23 PM  
Blogger Rositta said...

Unfortunately I abhor oatmeal but fortunately for me I don't have cholesterol. We do bacon and eggs every Sunday and once every once in a while I absolutely have to have a Big Mac. Lucky for me I also have my fathers genes, I'm thin without even trying, oops I just had a big piece of lemon pie...ciao

6:33 PM  
Blogger citizen of the world said...

It depends. I love a good light breakfast of a criossant, fruit and hot chocolate. Then again, I love a nice bagel with cream cheese and lox. But sometimes, nothing suits like an omelt or an egg over easy on wheat toast. No bacon or sauage with any of those, though.

(What the hell is fried bread?)

7:39 PM  
Blogger Warty Mammal said...

I examined before and after photos of Simpson with an electron microscope and detected no perceptible extra lard. Does she have some means of compacting it, perhaps removing the extra space between the molecules, so that it isn't visible? I, too, want to be fat but look skinny!

11:18 PM  
Blogger The Dotterel said...

You forgot the black pudding. There's no English breakfast (or an Ulster fry - same thing, different name - don't ask!) without black pudding.

4:49 AM  
Blogger Leesa said...

Me, I am taking the Special K challenge. Since Michael Phelps botched his Kellogg's endorcement, I thought I would put my hat into the ring.

7:07 AM  
Blogger French Fancy said...

Don't get me started on the media's obsession with women's weight. It's getting obscene the way we are scrutinised like this. It must be very hard to be in the public eye and I always feel sorry when there is a television programme on about obesity and you see some barely disguised individual waddling down the street, to illustrate the point of 'here is another fat person'. How hurtful it must be if you happen to catch the show and see yourself on tv ridiculed like that.

Rant over.

Bring back real women's sizes. Titian and Rubens had it right.

7:09 AM  
Blogger French Fancy said...

Oh I forgot - breakfasts. In my dream world my favourite breakfast would be strawberry cheesecake. Yes, sweet and sickly. As it is, I usually have oats mixed with natural yoghurt, honey, banana and nuts.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Lulu LaBonne said...

There isn't a breakfast thing that I dislike, I get foolishly excited by the prospect of everything from kedgeree to eggs benedict. I might even decide to have breakfast at every meal when I grow up.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Jazz said...

I always find it funny how everyone is so obsessed about the weight of Jessica Simpson et al. And yet we North Americans are. So. Damn. Fat.

Shouldn't people be looking at their own fat butts?

As for breakfast: I love eggs Benedict, but on nothing. No ham, no lox, just the English muffin. But that's for special days.

And for some reason, I love homemade vegetable soup for breakfast. I don't eat that often enough though. I have a tendency to grab a muffin since the very thought of eating at 6:00 makes me nauseous.

9:07 AM  
Blogger VioletSky said...

My favourite healthy fast food breakfast food would be a gigantic hermit cookie.

Or if staying inside and sitting at a table, scrambled eggs. With rye toast.

Never, ever, a full English (shudder)

9:37 AM  
Blogger Dumdad said...

Full English breakfast! I wanna go home...

9:59 AM  
Blogger kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

Give me a croissant, hot chocolate, and fresh strawberries for breakfast. Preferably on a sunny balcony with a good novel in hand. Oh, how that would make me happy!

But I'm not one to refuse oatmeal, either. Any time of day, with a bit of brown sugar and cream... mmmm....

10:12 AM  
Blogger AcuityTodos said...

My ex used to enjoy reheated black pudding over warmed brussels sprouts. An acquired taste.

I prefer the seafood bennie at Michael's on Main.

But no more than once a month!

12:07 PM  
Blogger thailandchani said...

There have been a few reports about Jessica Simpson and I've quickly turned them off. I find the whole obsession with body size and perfection to be so immature and silly that I can barely muster even a yawn.

We really should be putting more effort into accepting each other as we are - and stop picking at people because they don't meet some arbitrary standard established by some marketing weenie somewhere.

As for the health risks, we know what they are - the information is readily available - and is a topic to be discussed with one's doctor, not gossipy gaggles of uninformed, silly people with too much time on their hands.

That's my way of saying my weight.. or Jessica Simpson's... is no one else's bloody business!

Can you tell I get worked up on this topic? :)


4:38 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

Breakfast shmeakfast. I want to know what happened to the lower half of Jessica Simpson's legs in that first photo!

5:27 PM  
Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

You know, everyone piously cites potential illness as justification for being concerned with someone else's weight. While diabetes and heart disease are real issues, anorexia nervosa is quite serious, too.

There is also the matter of bone structure. Poundage is irrelevant when not considered in the context of body type as well as height. For example, I have very small bones, so the ideal weight on all the charts for a person of my height is considerably more than I weigh, yet I am not emaciated.

I'm also not a Jessica Simpson fan, but I think she looks fine and I'm sure she is laughing all the way to the bank.

And my favorite breakfast is coffee, freshly squeezed OJ and yogurt and fruit on granola, but I love Eggs Benedict, too, on occasion.

5:35 PM  
Blogger meggie said...

A timely post Ian!
The latest screaming headline on the Sydney rag, aka Daily Telegraph has the shock horror title, "Obesity, Now it's Babies"

For heavens sake! haven't we all known 'Michelin man' baby who grew up to be a very thin adult!I have 2 cousins, one male one female, who were positively rolling in ringlets of fat, as babies. They both grew to be thin adults!

My favourite brekky is always eggs, any way they arrive~ or I cook them!

10:54 PM  
Blogger paisley said...

funny thing is,, if you pack on a couple a pounds in the real world,, you become invisible... in hollywood you get more publicity??? go figure......

9:40 AM  
Blogger lady macleod said...

I began my "comments" and it has turned into a bloody post! so you have to come see me, (any chance to get a handsome man to read my material) to get it!

6:51 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

The only thing I can see that is different between the before and after pictures is the length of hair. Hair weighs, ya know.

Tagged you at my place, if you are game.
$5000 Challenge

3:23 PM  
Blogger Welshcakes Limoncello said...

What a refreshing post. The trouble is, though, that men design clothes for women that only look good if you are a size zero or something. They go on about wanting the clothes to look "as if they are on the hanger", as if a few curves will spoil them! I've been both voluptuous and thin and I can tell you one thing - a girl can't win! I'm here from braveheart's site, btw.

1:55 PM  

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