Lions and tigers and bears, oh my

In the stinkin’ rich ski resort town of Whistler – to the north of Vancouver and where the overhyped, overspent, tiresome and boring 2010 Olympics which will admission-cost-wise be out-of-reach for anybody but the chosen few – there is a move afoot to sterilize local bears.

That’s because bears tend to live in the area. And, because the assholes that reside in the mega-expensive properties at Whistler are ‘skeered’ of actual wild animals, they want to keep them from wandering into town. Consequently, they’ve created a body with the quaint name of Get Bear Smart Society and they have come up with this proposal: get rid of the spawn and then the bears will all go away. They miss the point that if they didn’t leave their goddamn garbage lying around, the ursines would have little motivation to wander into the village. Bears are notably unimpressed by Mercedeses and Caddy Escalades. They don’t much care for self-impressed city slickers either, and it’s in a way too bad they don’t work their magic more on them.

Whistler lies right next door to one of the last remaining tracts of genuine wilderness in North America. So, needless to say, there are bears (both black and grizzly), cougars, wolves, wolverines, foxes, coyotes, deer, elk and cute li’l bunnies and squirrels mighty close at hand. Because, of course, fools that those damn animals are, they kind of thought the wilds were their own, aside from the odd encroachment by trappers, loggers, and the long-resident native people. But, then uptown came and attempted to transfer high-end neighborhoods to the boonies. Of course, they brought their manicured lawn sensibilities with them. “Oooh ick, deer poop, Ralph. They should do something about that.”

Anyway, I’ve had a long-standing gripe about people moving from the big city to remote realms, and then decrying the fact there are resident animals that have been displaced. They are, of course, the people who get beside themselves whenever a cougar or bear wanders into their vinyl-siding realm. For myself, I’m disappointed that in all the years I’ve lived here, I am yet to see a cougar in the wild. Albeit they are dangerous, but they are also magnificent in their sleek feline beauty.

Say, folks. Here’s an idea. Instead of sterilizing the bears, why don’t you do everybody a favor and sterilize yourselves? Just a modest proposal.