Does George actually think he's good?
Oddly enough, those who don’t feel like frauds often are individuals of scanty skill at what they are doing, and those who do feel like they are pulling the wool over the collective eyes of the planet are sometimes genuinely good at their task.
For me, I would like to blame my parents and the public school system for giving me such insecurity that I am regularly left with such feelings as:
2) They have given me this task; I don’t think I’m good enough to complete it. By the way, unless there is some unforeseen impediment, I have always completed tasks set forth for me.
3) You want me to do what? I’m not skilled enough to do that.
4) They bought my article. Don’t they realize how bad it is?
5) They gave me this award. They must have very low standards.
The point really is, I ‘do’ think I’m good at what I do. And, once I’ve done something with which I am pleased and I read it through, I’ll surmise that I do have fairly significant skills.
Having done what I do for three decades and having always been able to make a living at it indicates I am a decent writer. Sometimes I even think I am a good writer.
But, if somebody doesn’t buy what I have sent them, then instantly any professional self-confidence goes down the toilet. Then I am a hack and, worse than that, a fraud. They’ve finally caught up with me, the bastards, and my career is now over. Word will spread and on the lips of publishers everywhere will be the words: “Buy nothing from that bozo. He actually had the audacity to think our standards were so low we’d buy his crap.
Do other people feel that way? Do you feel that way about what you do? Does the Queen wake up of a morning and think: “Good job I was born to this gig because I think I’m dreadful at it.”
But, more importantly, why don’t the genuine hacks and frauds realize how lacklustre they are? Why doesn’t Adam Sandler realize how excruciatingly unfunny he is and therefore should get a job as a postman? Why has it not dawned on Celine Dion that she should be slinging hash at a low-end beanery rather than passing screeching and wailing off as singing? Why is Howie Mandel being foisted on anybody? I thought he’d died after St. Elsewhere ended, yet there he is on some repulsive, greed-inspired quiz show. It’s not right.
But, I think it is because Adam, Howie and Celine know who their constituents are. They know they will not win over people with genuine taste and wit, so they appeal to those who don’t have those traits and they make millions. Smart of them really. I guess if I’d mastered that concept early on I’d be a millionaire, too.
But, at the end of it, I think those aforementioned people, and many like them, genuinely believe they’re good at what they do. Much as George W. genuinely believes he is a good president, and Dick Cheney believes he is an actual human being.
Meanwhile, I hope you like this blog. I’m not sure how good it is.
Labels: Creeping feelings of fraudism