Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Pork rinds, potato chips and beer do not make a balanced diet

Since my last posting revolved around the preparation of foodstuffs, today it behoves me to look at the downside of excess nosh intake.

It’s a downside that applies particularly to my own sex. You see, men don’t normally obsess much about their weight, and eating disorders are more rampant, statistically, in females. Many men, even if they sport a 50-inch waist, will glance at the image in a full-length mirror and declare: “Lookin’ good, dude.”

But now, in yet another of those ubiquitous warnings about how we should feel terrible about ourselves, we learn (from a ‘study’, of course) that having a potbelly in middle age leads to premature dementia. Well, we already knew that big gut led to diabetes, coronaries, strokes and all sorts of other icky and potentially lethal stuff, but we now learn that it increases our chances of courting elder vagueness.

Maybe this study from the Kaiser Permanente Division of Research in Oakland CA (have to get all the creds in) is well-founded, and I am sure study author Rachel Whitmer is an intelligent, not to mention svelte person, and maybe all the chubby guys should now acquire yet another reason to lose sleep prior to the ‘big sleep.’ As for me, I will regard this ‘study’ as I do all the others, a ploy by tranquilizer companies and booze purveyors to increase our angst about the mere fact of living. Yep, another reminder that we’re mortal, all right.

Now, I’m not defending porkiness. It is unhealthy, just like smoking, excessive boozing and not enough sex. Certainly the average chap should check out his avoirdupois and come to realize that the item with the dial next to the toilet is a scale and he too can avail himself of it.

About seven years ago I decided my trousers were a bit on the tightish side and I was – vain as I am, and hating to admit it – getting a tad zaftig. I was looking like a paunchy middle-aged guy. It made me feel a bit mortified. I have a well-honed personal shame index, for some reason.

So, I decided to lose some weight. What I did was a modified Atkins Diet. Despite the bad press this diet got at the time – especially from rival diet floggers – I found that if following Dr. A. was going to kill me, it was only that I was going to die from boredom by following the regimen.

But, it worked. Within a few months I was down 30 pounds and theretofore unknown and gorgeous females were coming up to me and asking me to sire their children. Well, the last bit is hyperbole, but I was pleased with the results. Furthermore, despite the caveats of the anti-Atkins brigade, I kept the weight off. I’ve been a bit lazy about in the last couple of years, and am up about 10 pounds, but I’ve still been consistently 20 pounds lighter than I was before.

The benefits were great. I could walk up the three steps to the front door without getting out of breath, and as for mental health, I generally remember who I am, whom I’m married to, and where I live.

My biggest test after having lost the weight was when we were in France last year. I went mousse mad and croissant crazy. However, I was walking so much that I actually lost weight during those six weeks. Hey, did you know there was a connection between exercise and weight maintenance? Amazing.

Anyway, the foregoing was a public service announcement. If you were feeling inordinately ‘secure’ today, there is something else to worry about. Pleased to be of help.

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14 Comments:

Blogger Janice Thomson said...

I think a lot of our weightiness comes from our laziness besides what we eat. Too many remote controls, driving to the corner store and every mechanical gadget you can think of to make life easier has also made us fatter. Children nowadays are really showing this since so much time is spent in front of the TV, the computer or some game drinking tons of coke and eating chips. And walk to school? Oh my that just isn't done anymore. Yep....and it shows.

9:01 AM  
Blogger Casdok said...

Just love the pic!!
I gave my car up a few years ago, it has certainly helped to keep the weight off!

9:12 AM  
Blogger Dita said...

Perhaps the dementia originated when looking in the mirror and stating "yep, lookin' good dude!" stage.

10:24 AM  
Blogger dragonflyfilly said...

Q: What's worse than looking like a paunchy middled aged guy?

A: Looking like a paunchy middled aged woman!!!!!

yep, i can totatally identify with that - I HATE being fat...i put on so much weight over the past couple of years (cause-:illness and meds.)so when I noticed that I had lost 5 pounds last month, I was ELATED!

Reading your post has inspired me to think about going out for a short walk in this lovely cool sunshine today.

cheers for now,
pj

12:13 PM  
Blogger meggie said...

As the old song says, if you like it, you can bet; It is illegal it is immoral, or it makes you fat!

2:00 PM  
Blogger laughingwolf said...

agreed... i lost 5 # over the past month, 40 more to go to be the weight i was in my 30s :O lol

once the crappy weather goes, i'll be back to my daily hour-long walks, occasionally upping it to two hours

2:46 PM  
Blogger andrea said...

I think the only solution is to outlaw aging and its metabolism slowing properties! :)

PS I love the word zaftig. Thanks for using it, especially with tad (a word I used recently, too).

2:54 PM  
Blogger Leslie Hawes said...

Dita had the exact thought I did, and got here sooner!

I love your descriptive choices...

excess nosh intake
potbelly
big gut
chubby
porkiness
avoirdupois
a whale...er...avail
zaftig
paunchy

To balance that post title, just leave out the potato chips...

3:55 PM  
Blogger Eastcoastdweller said...

I did a very guy thing today -- went and had one of those horrendously bad for you Baconator burgers from Wendy's for lunch. It was my first burger all year and I've got a weakness for red meat with lots of heat.

The thing is about a half pound of beef, six pieces of bacon and Pepper Jack cheese, along with jalapenos for a little more heat.

I will never eat another one. Not because of the capsaicin burn but because I would probably have inflicted less harm on myself lighting up an unfiltered Camel. Perhaps a decade ago I could have fully enjoyed it without any guilt but those days are gone.

But I just HAD to try one. It's a guy thing.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't eat prok rinds even when I was more carnivorous, but chips and beer - mmmm. Not too much, but I don't want to give them up entirely.

5:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't eat prok rinds even when I was more carnivorous, but chips and beer - mmmm. Not too much, but I don't want to give them up entirely.

5:54 PM  
Blogger Big Brother said...

Hell I'm pretty much already crazy. I have to be to have taught adolescents for 32 years so it isn't going to get any worse... anyhow I don't have too many pounds to lose and as soon as I can get back to hiking and biking I'll be back to old slim self. ;o)
By the way in Québec we call pork rinds "oreilles du crisse" loosely translated as "Christ's ears" don't ask me why cuz I really don't know nor do I want to. ughh!

6:32 PM  
Blogger kimber said...

I went for a run this morning, and it was very, very difficult to pry myself from bed. Thanks for reminding me why I did it; thirty pounds is inspirational!

8:10 AM  
Blogger Tai said...

My future is looking VERY bleak. Guess I'll have to stop reading all those studies so I can live in blessed ignorance!

8:19 AM  

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