Rude, crude and lewd society rules

Society is an ever-changing entity in terms of mores and approaches to life, but lately more and more people are seeing a society that rather than being a warm and caring one, let alone a self-reliant one, has become self-indulgent, cruel and harsh and people with individuals who are not only seeking somebody else to help them out of jams they have gotten themselves into, but are also looking for somebody else to blame.

Recently a British newspaper took a look at the losses its readers saw around themselves; losses that had left them feeling less safe and increasingly isolated in a world that sometimes seems to have lost its ability to thrive. I think the points made apply equally well to North American society, and to other societies around the globe.

I guess the caveat in all of this is we can’t expect anybody else to bail us out in terms of these issues, so if we want change, we damn well have to bring it about ourselves. Are we capable of doing that? I hope so.

Here are some of the ones on the British list:

1. Good manners: Too many people have become boorish and self-indulgent, shoving into line, cutting you off in traffic, screaming profane epithets and giving the finger to you for some imagined traffic transgression. These louts even carry out this behavior when they have children in their car, or you have children in your own. Where did politeness go? Where went recognition that another can make an honest mistake?

2. Letter writing: When did you last write an honest-to-God letter of the sort that went onto fancy stationery, and then into an envelope with a stamp on it, only to be expedited to Aunt Hattie? When did you last write a ‘real’ love letter rather than sending an email to or text-messaging your beloved? It used to be a fine old art back in the days of ‘no-spell-check’. It was an especially fine art if the writing implement was a classic fountain pen. And, while letters to a lover could be suggestive, they weren’t lewd or smutty for the most part – except maybe the horny missives from James Joyce to Norah. And example that to me shows complete mastery of the letter writing form is one from Winston Churchill to Emperor Hirohito of Japan, shortly following Pearl Harbor. Churchill’s letter accuses the Japanese of all manner of treachery and vileness in their action. Yet, he closed the missive after his written diatribe with the salutation: “I remain, Sir, your obedient servant, Winston S. Churchill.” Yep, that was the way it was done in a more polite time.

3. Cooking meals from scratch: Considering the proliferation of junk-food and ready-made frozen items, one could easily believe that nobody actually s knows how to cook any longer; that few are those who will put in the labor to turn out some home-cooked fare with real ingredients.

4. Neighborliness: Do you know the names of your neighbors on either side of you? How about across the street? Remember before the place with the boarded windows was a crack-house that ‘neighborhood’ actually meant a place where there were neighbors who knew one another? Remember when people had neighborhood parties? Remember when there was no need for block parents because any kid could go to any house and know that he or she would be safe when something bad happened. I remember coming home from school in first grade and stopping off at a neighbor's house to ask if I could go to the bathroom there. I knew I’d pee myself if I -tried to make it all the way home. Needless to say, of course the neighbor obliged.

5. Speaking correctly: That means essentially good grammar and little profanity. I can recall being severely reprimanded when I was about 12 or 13 by a neighbor who heard me utter the world ‘fuck’ within his hearing range. He also, by the way, phoned my parents and informed them about my potty mouth. It was his right. He was a neighbor. I didn’t even question that it was his right. Walk past a group of young people on the street today. See how it has changed.

6. Discipline: There seems to be virtually none, self-discipline or regular discipline, and woe betide the adult who dares to reprimand the child of another. This could mean litigation. Indeed, woe-betide the teacher or even the cop who does likewise. Anyway, since there seems to be little in the way of punishment now, I guess we have to accept this sort of society. It seems to be what somebody wants.

7. Received wisdom: One thing I really like about Asians and Native Americans and Canadians, and that is the huge respect they have for their elders. That is something sorely lost to the rest of us. Hey, folks, some “old farts” are real smart. They have lived, loved and laughed and have much to say and teach. Too bad we don’t let them.

8. Looking smart: I have already gone into my diatribe about the incredibly sloppy way people dress, even for occasions that would once have been deemed formal. If you look like a slob then, in my humble opinion, you also think like one.

9. Punctuality: Is anybody ever on time now? Now, there is a huge bit of self-indulgence, not to mention a not-so-subtle means of passive-aggressive control. I have seen young people actually show up late on their first day on the job, only to offer some pathetic excuse about traffic being tied up. As far as I’m concerned if you haven’t arrived at least 20 minutes early and already feel a need to change your undies due to your anticipatory jitters, then you aren’t serious about the job.

10. Good conversation: You don’t hear those so much in society. People once prided themselves on not only their interactive skills, but also in their mastery of logic, polite discourse and argument, and deference to the thoughts of another, even if the listener disagreed . And if the listener disagreed, he waited until the utterer had finished his thoughts before interjecting. He did not shout the other down, or interrupt him mid spiel.

There are more on the British list, and you probably have some peeves of your own. Feel free to share.