See the Pyramids along denial

It’s an accepted fact that there is a hierarchy of evil amongst prison inmates – honor among thieves, if you will. That is, in any penal system there are the crooks: robbers, thieves, embezzlers, blackmailers, safecrackers and other scofflaws.

At the next level down you have your ‘crime with violence’ boys and girls: armed robbers, criminal assaulters, and ultimately, murderers.

Down at the dregs you have the scum-of-the-earth in the eyes of the rest of the inhabitants of the joint: rapists, serial killers and predatory pedophiles.

So, you see, no matter where you are in life, there is always somebody ‘worse’ than you. There is always somebody around to make anybody else say: “Well, I’ve done some bad stuff in my life, but I would never do that!”

Sane and sensible folk often wonder what reason could possibly exist for a butt-clenchingly awful TV program like Jerry Springer. The answer lies with what I stated. The viewer can say: “Yeah, I got drunk last night, came home and ripped the drapes off the living room window, and then puked on the dog – but I would never, ever have sex with my sister, no matter how drunk I was. See, hon’, you might criticize me, but I’m a lot better than that guy, and you should appreciate me more.”

So, you see a program that couldn’t possibly help but offend 90 percent of the population is appealing to that 10 percent who either would actually have sex with a sibling, or would feel superior to the incestuous adulterer. That’s a good social service because it is mentally healthy to be able to think that matter how low we might have gone with some of our shenanigans, there is always somebody just a little bit worse. Hitler might have said to Goebbels, quite legitimately: “Ja, Joseph, I am the greatest mass-murderer in human history, but you know, I don’t smoke and drink and eat animal flesh like that depraved Goering does.”

The issue at hand is the very real one of ‘denial.’ It is denial that keeps people carrying on with behavior that is unhealthy, immoral, or downright evil mainly because such people (like us, mainly) like to think we are better than those who do worse stuff.

When I was addictions counselling I had a conversation with a mid-30s aged woman who was a recovering drug addict. She came in as a guest speaker for my male clients, and she shared with them her story. Basically her story was how she came back from a lifestyle that had cost her a career and a home, as well as a marriage and family. It was a sad and moving tale of how a sweet-looking, very normal (otherwise) middle-class woman persevered with a behavior because she was in denial about what was happening.

“I told myself when I started drinking at about 13 that I would never smoke pot,” she told me. “Then, when I had my first toke at about 15, I said I would never smoke hash. That held me for about a year. While I was doing hash, I said I would never go to hard drugs like coke or heroin. When I began smoking heroin and snorting regularly, I said I would never inject. That grossed me out and scared me.”

So, you see, her denial about her reality kept telling her that no matter how low she sank, there were always people just a bit lower. Even when she was at her lowest ebb, she said: “I didn’t get to the place where I was prostituting myself, stealing things, or eating out of dumpsters, so there was always someone worse.”

Fortunately, she hit her bottom before those things happened, but she also came to realize there was nothing to keep those elements at bay other than her cessation of denial and determination to turn her life around.

So, if you are doing whatever you’re doing that might not be for the best for all concerned, you can, in denial, console yourself with the fact that it’s guaranteed there are people doing many things worse. At the same time, if your quality of life is suffering, your health, the happiness of your family, and so forth, then maybe it’s time to take stock. Maybe denial has permitted you to violate your own standards, like my friend did. I know it does for me all the time. But at least I have finally reached an age wherein I recognize denial for what it is – I think. I am hardly proud of all that I’ve done in this life, and in fact have done many things, and hurt many people, for which I feel downright ashamed. But I think that’s good. At least I recognize the signs now.

Remember, ‘denial’ is not just a river in Egypt.