Tsk-tsk, Belinda

I really do hope the alleged Belinda Stronach-Goonish Hockey Player tryst is truly a first-rate scandal. I will be grievously disappointed if it turns out that she and dwarfish ‘enforcer’ Tie Domi were merely swapping salsa recipes and discussing the plight of the Third World.

I only say this not because of any guttersnipe tendencies on my part, but because staid and stodgy Canadians ‘need’ a world-class sex scandal. If we are to take our place of leadership on the planet, then smut surely has to be part of the package. After all, there is almost universal precedent for clandestine and inappropriate lowering of pants and panties with the wrong person.

The US has had Bill Clinton, Gary Hart, Rudy Giuliani and more congressmen than you could shake a stick at. In the UK there are Profumo, Prescott and scads of others who have merrily rollicked with both sexes until caught. And the French! My heavens, the French would regard with suspicion any candidate who did not have a sordid sexual history. “Quel wimp!”

In prim Canada, on the other hand, there hasn’t been much in the way of public scandal around illicit ‘rumpy-pumpy’ and maybe this cuts down on our international street creds. I am not about to suggest that everybody north of the 49th Parallel plays by the matrimonial rules of fidelity. Indeed I have heard that there is more national naughtiness than you could shake a stick at. But, so little in the way of wicked shenanigans ever seems to make it out to the public. But, much of Canada is chilly in the winter, so here ‘behind closed doors’ means exactly that.

But, evidently Belinda, who allegedly has a warm and cuddly spot for hockey players, was quite openly seen in public with her troll-like ‘fancy man’ and his wife (they are in the throes of a divorce settlement) was not amused and has threatened to name Belinda as the “other woman.”

Now Belinda, who is moderately pretty in a rich blonde washed-out manner, has made no bones in the past that she is rather fond of sex. Twice-married and twice divorced, this multigazillionaire political aspirant has been linked with all manner of dudes, including Bill Clinton.

She is also the one who decided that since she had utterly no political experience whatsoever, that she should lend her name not only to politics, but that she should seek the leadership of the Conservative Party in Canada. Pretty and rich didn’t bring her the recognition she thought she deserved and after her abortive effort she decided she should jump ship from the Conservatives to the Liberal Party, whence she saw her bread being buttered more lavishly. Big mistake. Shortly after her much assailed act of political treachery – during which she also dumped her then lover, Peter McKay, who has latterly been seen squiring Condi Rice around – the Liberals deservedly went down in flames. As Nelson on the Simpsons would say: “Ha-ha!”

So, nowadays, not much of a contender for any political plums of any sort, this legend in her own mind has been back on the social circuit. Whether that circuit includes another woman’s husband has only been alleged.

But, maybe Belinda should be thanked for moving Canada up a notch in the scandal department.