This one is a lot of fun

I shamelessly stole this from Tai, mainly because I found it a lot of fun to do. You might, too.

You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Oh, George W. is almost too easy in a fish-in-a-barrel way. So, I am going to say Cherie Blair who I find the most hideous sort of hypocritical, greedy ‘Champagne Socialist.’

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be? At risk of seeming unpatriotic, I will have to insist that it be Celine Dion. And, since we’re in Vegas to do the dirty deed, nail Paul Anka, too.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? The 23-year-old Canada Customs jerk who has the right to linger as long as he wants perusing my passport after I have just completed an exhausting 10-hour flight from somewhere. How dare he query his elder and, I might add, better? My taxes also pay for his plush wages and benefits, I might also add.

4. What is your favorite cheese? Expensive Swiss.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make? An authentic Jewish deli Reuben, or Montreal smoked meat consumed in Montreal, of course. So, I know I’m not actually making the sandwich myself. If I were, it would be a BLT on homemade multigrain.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice? A kinder and gentler question. Personally I have no desire to sleep with any silver screen notable because I just don’t find any of them that interesting. But, keeping in the spirit of the question I would love to Say Scarlett Johannson, who I think is not only delectable, but bright. But, she is only 21 and I am a bit more than 21, so I would say, if it no longer has to be a living actress, the wonderful and sensual Lee Remick.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick? No contest. Deborah Harry.

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it? Can’t do much with $100. Hmm. Either a really good dinner or, as Tai suggested, books.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Kauai.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do? Go for another fine meal, then walk along the beach near Wailua in the light of a fool moon and then make love in the moonlight in a favorite spot that invited such a thing once before.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...? Since I no longer drink, the angel has wasted its time (I say ‘its’ because angels are neither male nor female). However, in time past it would have been Bisquit Cognac.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there? Is Rufus that ‘Bill and Ted’ guy? Actually, I have never had much aspiration to go to the past, what with diseases, bad dentistry, lousy toilets, and people not bathing with any regularity. Yuck! So, what I would say is I’d like to go to a time in ‘my’ past to when I was at university, but knowing what I know now, and being as sophisticated as I am now. I mean, I’m not all that sophisticated, but I bet I’d get laid more often than I did when I was actually there. I’d also ace all my exams.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? The penalty for harassing a green sea turtle in any way would be death.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise? It will be called ‘The Other Road Taken’ based on Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken’ and would explore assorted historical events in which the alternate universe prevailed: The Titanic did not sink; Hitler died at birth; Elvis’s twin brother Jesse actually lived and grew up. The course of humanity is an exponential thing, so what other things would change if these things happened? Each episode could choose a different scenario based on true events with possible alternatives. What if Gore had won that election way back a few years ago? Well, yes, I know he probably actually did, but what if he had got the office?

15. What is your favorite curse word? The ‘F-word’ too often even for my own liking.

16. You awaken and find your bed surrounded by Mummies. They don't do anything, but just stand there. How do you react to their presence? Ask them to not leave any of their bandages lying around when they depart.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item? My grandfather clock has gone down through four generations of oldest sons in my family so, as cumbersome as it would be to move, I would try to save it.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour? Just a quiet and loving time with my wife.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be? I agree with Tai on this one, and I too would seek invisibility. Oh, and the ability to fly because how otherwise will I get to the places I want to be invisible at?

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? The half hour it took us to have breakfast at 7 a.m. in the McDonald’s in Kapaa, Kauai the morning after Wendy and I married. Our condo wasn’t yet ready for us after our early flight from Honolulu, so we sat in the grotty little eatery and watched the Hawaiian sunrise through the window and it felt like Heaven on Earth.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? (the answer "nothing" doesn't count) The time my ex wife ordered me to leave the house and her life. I’d like another chance to plead my case. Not that I want her back, I’d just like it to have ended less messily for all concerned. We got our civility back, but it took a long time and a lot of work.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now? Probably back to England for a while, but with a lot more money at my disposal than I had last time.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be? The main floor cocktail lounge/piano bar at the Hotel Vancouver. This one evokes a nice memory.

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"? My friend John Fisher’s house somewhere in Australia. We were best friends from age 12 but lost touch about 15 years ago for some reason. I miss him.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life? Humphrey Bogart combined with Mark Twain.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My grandmother, Tita, friend Dave Levang, my dog Murphy, and my cat Stumpy. But, you know, it’s unwise to tamper with karmic destiny in such a way. Raises all sorts of hell in the universe.

27. What's your theme song? “Wild Thing” (you make my heart sing) by the Troggs, and good old Jerry Lee poundin’ out “Whole Lotta Shakin’”. Rather partial too to ‘Winter’ from Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons.”