"Oh No, Ma. Not meeee"
Children are vulnerable creatures. This is due to their tenderness in years, small stature, wound-inducing rough play and susceptibility to all sorts of affections and woes due to the fact they haven’t yet built up major immune defences. It’s just not all that great being a kid, and most of us can remember time off school due to various ailments, not to mention injuries.
But, as bad as those things were, they weren’t anywhere near as ominous as the widely-held beliefs and myths that punctuated juvenile fears and produced agonizing nighttime panics. Nights were the worst, of course, because that was when monsters were under the bed (meaning you must never leave your hand dangling outside the covers), and bogeymen were in the closets.
The point was, we invariably believed the myths to be utterly true, and we agonized if we had transgressed, believing that our futures were now to be limited in duration because we had screwed up.
When I was a child, we believed the following. You, I am certain had your own myths that might have been similar to mine, or owned entirely by you and your friends.
But, as bad as those things were, they weren’t anywhere near as ominous as the widely-held beliefs and myths that punctuated juvenile fears and produced agonizing nighttime panics. Nights were the worst, of course, because that was when monsters were under the bed (meaning you must never leave your hand dangling outside the covers), and bogeymen were in the closets.
The point was, we invariably believed the myths to be utterly true, and we agonized if we had transgressed, believing that our futures were now to be limited in duration because we had screwed up.
When I was a child, we believed the following. You, I am certain had your own myths that might have been similar to mine, or owned entirely by you and your friends.
Consider these:
- If you accidentally swallow grape seeds, or apple pits, you will get appendicitis. How those seeds might get into the appendix was never questioned. Somehow it happened, and you knew somebody’s cousin who had died of a ruptured appendix. Grape pits were the culprits, no doubt.
- If you swallow chewing gum your intestines will get all clogged up and you won’t be able to poop, and you’ll die in mortal agony.
- If you jab yourself with a ballpoint pen or a pencil and break the skin you will immediately get blood-poisoning. You will die.
- If you stifle a sneeze your lungs will explode and you will die.
- If you burp, fart and sneeze all at the same time, you will die instantly. Again, somebody heard of a distant relative to whom this had happened.
- If you don’t wait an hour after eating (anything) and then go swimming, you will immediately be afflicted with agonizing cramps and you will drown. This was guaranteed, and happened to thousands of unfortunate kids every summer.
- If you are a boy and you get mumps it will always transfer to your testicles, which will grow to elephantiasis size, and you will either die in agony, or you will never be able to get married because your testicles will be perpetually humongous.
Those are but a few that we believed. What about yours?
- If you accidentally swallow grape seeds, or apple pits, you will get appendicitis. How those seeds might get into the appendix was never questioned. Somehow it happened, and you knew somebody’s cousin who had died of a ruptured appendix. Grape pits were the culprits, no doubt.
- If you swallow chewing gum your intestines will get all clogged up and you won’t be able to poop, and you’ll die in mortal agony.
- If you jab yourself with a ballpoint pen or a pencil and break the skin you will immediately get blood-poisoning. You will die.
- If you stifle a sneeze your lungs will explode and you will die.
- If you burp, fart and sneeze all at the same time, you will die instantly. Again, somebody heard of a distant relative to whom this had happened.
- If you don’t wait an hour after eating (anything) and then go swimming, you will immediately be afflicted with agonizing cramps and you will drown. This was guaranteed, and happened to thousands of unfortunate kids every summer.
- If you are a boy and you get mumps it will always transfer to your testicles, which will grow to elephantiasis size, and you will either die in agony, or you will never be able to get married because your testicles will be perpetually humongous.
Those are but a few that we believed. What about yours?
Labels: juvenile anxiety, kiddie fears
posted by Ian Lidster at
10:41 AM
14 Comments:
ah yes, those, and the boys' alltime fave: if you do 'it', you will get hairy palms and/or go blind... perhaps both!
The only one I remember is you could get pregnant by kissing which in a very roundabout way could happen -kissing leads to petting which leads to sex and well you know the rest LOL
It's hard to remember all the weird myths we picked up as kids. Honestly, I can't remember any.. but the ones you mention sound familiar.
i was told that if i didn't wash behind my ears, corn would grow there. i secretly never did and was very disappointed that the corn never grew.
I remember two:
1) If you swallow a watermelon seed a watermelon would grow in your stomach, and
2) If you made an ugly face and the wind changed directions, it would be stuck on your face forever
Oh Yes, I remember all those, & the wind change one too. Also we thought pototoes would grow out of our ears if we didnt wash them.
Our Australian Grandfather also told us a snake would come up out of the toilet if we spent too long in there! We didnt realise there were no snakes in NZ.
I was also told the chewing gum one, and I still wont touch it!
I definitely heard all those and the one about the watermelon seed growing in your stomach. Gosh, I wonder what I'm telling my kids!
By the way, I have tagged you. Come by to see.
There was the one about raw cookie dough and worms...but I think Mom just told me that to keep me out of the dough!
My friends and I weren't very akin to believing that stuff...we'd go out of our way to disprove it.
We were quite percocious. Big surprise, eh?
I've heard of virtually none of those! But I did hear that a) an earwig will crawl into your ear while you sleep and burrow into your brain, b) thatif you sneeze with your eyes open your eyeballs will pop out, and c) if you kikss your own elbow, you will turn into the opposite sex.
the one about not swimming after eating was perpetuated by parents. you mean it isn't true? i remember the one about there being spider eggs in bubble yum bubble gum.
just stopping by to say hello and...happy belated thanksgiving.
(1) One must always hold their breath when going by a graveyard, otherwise you'd suck in the ghost of a recently deceased person and they'd take over your body.
(2) Bugs live in the bottoms of bananas, and if you eat them, they'll infest your gut. I still can't eat the bottom inch of a banana -- it creeps me out.
My mom used to say that if we swallowed our gum it would sick to the insides of our ribs. To this day, every time I swallow a piece of gum, I can see it joining the multiple wads stuck to my insides. ;o)
I was not allowed to swim or even wade until an hour after eating.
The mumps thing has some basis in truth, however distorted (no pun intended.) Males who get mumps after puberty may become sterile, so mothers exposed their little sons to mumps as soon as possible.
My mother assured me that if I didn't allow her to cut my finger and toenails, they would grow 30 feet long in curls so that I could not walk or use my hands.
I had a burst appendix as a child, but can't recall if I had swallowed grape seeds.
The myths surrounding menstruation were many and senseless, like washing your hair at THAT TIME would give you fatal pneumonia. I always did it anyway, and I'm still here.
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