Gimme a little kiss, will ya, hon'

You must remember this ….
A kiss is just a kiss.
A sigh is just a sigh.
The fundamental things apply as time goes by.

And a kiss, being just a kiss, is also a fundamental thing. It is the base-line for one human caring for another, either superficially, or as deeply as one can feel.

First, I’ll be clinical and look at the blissful buss for what it is. Come down to it, at its barest elements (and if you are actually bare, it can be more enjoyable, especially if you are bare with somebody you really like being bare with, so bear with me) kissing is an odd thing.

If it is a romantic kiss, it is a matter placing one human mouth upon another for a length of time that is determined by time, place, nature of relationship and whether or not children or extraneous family members are within proximity. In other words, this can be a kiss as an isolated event, or as a prelude to enchanting amorous endeavors.

Yet, if I were to be even more clinical, I might mention the fact that the human mouth is an ideal breeding-medium for a lot of less-than-agreeable bacteria. Yet, here we have people going around and flagrantly kissing one another even though they would balk to the point of nausea at the idea of using another person’s toothbrush, chewing gum or soda/beer bottle.

That considered, the fact remains that the kiss is an age-old manifestation of love, trust, respect, and a thousand other positive things. Actually, nine-hundred-and-ninety-seven, but you get my drift. Kissing is practiced in almost all cultures, even though our majority, essentially European in heritage, probably developed kissing’s romantic connection to its highest form. However, to give the complete picture of the kiss, we should consider it in all its expressions, from the prosaic to the sublimely poetic:

* The obligatory kiss: This is reserved for aged aunties at Christmastime. This represents the first instant in a child’s life in which he or she becomes aware of the fact that not all family obligations are necessarily fun, especially if the aged auntie has whiskers on her chin.

* The family love kiss: These are the kisses between parents and children and grandparents and the family dog and all others that go to making up the unit. These are good kisses, as long as they’re not ritualized, because they indicate to the individual throughout his life, even if he ends up lying in the gutter at the wrong end of a bottle of rice wine, that somebody once cared, because his mom kissed him.

* The kiss of respect: This is reserved for the Pope’s ring, the Queen’s hand and the Bible. Such kisses indicate that the symbolic personages or icons are the keys to civilization as we know it and should be accorded the highest gesture of love and/or fealty. This is probably the most ancient form of kissing.

* The kiss of death: This is a curious perversion of the basic idea that a kiss must be a positive gesture. The kiss from a Mafia boss to an underling indicates that he accords complete trust in the hit man to carry out his grim task. If the kiss is from the Mafioso to a perceived traitor, said traitor knows to not bother buying the green bananas.

* Kisses between members of the same sex: This is largely a cultural matter. Women in our society are permitted, and even encouraged to kiss each other. Men, on the other hand, would be violating a significant taboo unless they either happen to be related, or are in a gay relationship. Otherwise, male-male kisses matter of a cringeworthy nature among straight men. Indeed, most men become stiff and awkward and uncomfortable and go out to buy popcorn at such moments in Brokeback Mountain, for example. Straight men also start to talk in much deeper voices under such circumstances. But, it is cultural, as I suggest. Go to an Italian railroad station at arrival or departure time and you’ll see guys puckering up for each other all over the place.

* The social kiss: Usually a pleasant act of trust and friendship between compatible people at a time of arriving or leaving. This kiss is often accompanied by a hug and is directed at the cheek, just so there is no misinterpretation of what has gone on. Other than my wife, I have two long-duration female friends with whom I mouth kiss. It's always a brief peck, but they are of more importance in my life than my 'cheek-kiss' female friends, who are likewise more important than hug friends, who are more important than handshake friends. It's a complex business, human affection.

* The party kiss: Much like the social kiss, but usually the disinhibiting element of booze has been thrown into the mix, such as on New Year’s Eve, and this can sometimes lead to social kisses getting a bit out of hand to the degree, in certain cases, that other amorous behaviors ensue between non-spousal individuals, leaving any divorce lawyers present to rub their hands in venal glee at the possibilities of new employment on the immediate horizon.

* The blown kiss and the tiresome air kiss: Hardly kisses at all, or kisses at their most symbolic levels. Both are popular with movie starlets and society matrons who really don’t give much of a damn about the recipients. Mere gestures that should be ignored.

Now that we have considered all those other kisses, let’s look at the real thing: the romantic kiss. These are the kisses about which songs and poetry have been written. These are the good ones, expresses ultimately with a definite conclusion in mind.

* The first kiss: This can happen at sixteen or sixty (for late bloomers), and in both cases if it is with an especially coveted and desired person, it is pure magic. This kiss is the test, as well. Does it measure up to all prior expectations? After all, you’ve probably been anticipating this moment for ages. Did the sparks fly? Was it sweet and promising; lusty and demanding, or maybe a tad disappointing? Relationships have truly been made or broken at this pivotal point. Just a reminder to newcomers, always lick your lips prior to that first kiss. It will go much better.

* The good night kiss: The bane of every teenager’s dating life (and some older daters, too). Should I or shouldn’t I? Should I let him or not? It’s an important decision. If he is too pushy, will she shy away? If he shies away, will she think he’s kind of a dweeb, or possibly gay? It is a quandary, but fortunately one that usually works itself out.

* The unexpected kiss: You are expecting a soft and sweet meeting of the lips of the sort that has been promised by a certain biological impulse manifested from lingering eye contact and other gestures from a person with whom you have never indulged in this activity before, but he seems completely amenable to such an oral coming-together. When the kiss begins it is indeed soft and sweet, and then it becomes more and more urgent and powerful and promising.

If that happens, lucky you. Have a wonderful time and I won’t expect to hear from you until sometime tomorrow afternoon at the earliest.