Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Novocain and me -- not a love story

I hate my teeth!

Oh, they look good, and they are masterpieces of cosmetic art. I have a shiny white smile, but that glorious façade hides a multitude of woes from over many years, dating back to childhood.

I am only mentioning this because I just came back from the dentist and was told I will very shortly need a root canal. Not that the prospect frightens me – I have very little dental fear, mainly because I’ve used the skills of their practitioners a great deal in order to retain that shiny white smile and to not be in any sort of discomfort. But, the root canal that was advised is just another chapter in a process that never ceases to depress me.

As for my dentist, I love him. He’s wonderful. If he were a beautiful woman I’d run off and marry him. Since he’s a big, burly, hearty Icelander, I’ll let that thought pass. But, he is brilliant at his work, and he has done wonderful things with the raw material I’ve presented him. He has done wonderful things with an absolute minimum of pain.

But, I mentioned that my dental grief stems from childhood. In childhood I had a terrible dentist. To say he was a hack would be almost too kind. He was a bald, wall-eyed smarmy lecher – even by age 12 I figured out what he was up to with his comely assistants. And, when he wasn’t sticking his hand up their skirts (I actually saw one slap his roving hand away one time, and she was no longer there by the time of my next appointment), he was butchering my mouth. A session with him was one of almost perpetual pain, and swelling that would last for days and days afterward.

I once asked my mother why we had to go to that awful dentist. The response was that he was a friend of my grandfather’s; therefore Grandpa would be hurt if we went elsewhere. So, to preserve Grandpa’s feelings we persisted to be tended by a guy who didn’t really believe in the use of Novocain, unless it was for “something big”, like an extraction. Simple filling? Well, you might as well have been back in cowboy days, except patients weren’t given a shot of whiskey to ease the pain.

What happened, of course, was that I was left with a great deal of both fear and antagonism towards the wide world of dentistry. So, I neglected my teeth. I did what I was supposed to, like brushing and flossing, but otherwise, I never crossed the threshold of a dental practice for years. Finally, when pain became unbearable, I had to do something. Blessedly, on the advice of a friend, I found the man who has been my dentist for a quarter of a century.

Since then he has done his damnedest to keep my teeth functioning, and he’s done a fine job. He is indeed so well respected that he is no longer accepting delivery of first-borns as a payoff for him including a newbie on his patient list. Nobody can get on. If you are on his list, as am I, then you are preternaturally blessed.

That said, this morning’s encounter still pisses me off. Not at what he does, but the travesty of my early dentistry that left me the way I am today.

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16 Comments:

Blogger Colin Campbell said...

My dental experience stems back to the days of dental horror for children too. In those days, teeth were routinely extracted to make room for others, fillings filled and pain endured.

It was when I went to America that I saw them in a better, if a little expensive, light. After one visit preparing for crowns and a long period of fiddling, he proudly announced, how did I like my root canal. I had no idea. Those guys must drive Mercedes.

Other than one of the crowns coming off the next day with my lunch, they are still around 15 years later. I always get a bit of a tut tut from Dentists here in Australia, because of my not so great long term dental habits. I have learned to live with smug comments from that fraternity.

My kids have nothing but good impressions. Dentists appear to be human for the most part for that generation. So positive and encouraging.

12:16 PM  
Blogger heiresschild said...

thank God i've never had any problems except for 2 fillings and when my wisdom teeth were extracted, and i certainly do pray it stays that way. i'm a big baby when it comes to pain.

12:36 PM  
Blogger Tanya Brown said...

I suppose I was relatively fortunate. At some point during my childhood a dentist mentioned my needing braces. A mere $1500, he said. My stepmother blanched. That was the last time I saw a dentist until my mid-twenties, when I had a job and my own insurance.

At the first adult visit I distinctly remember chunks of tartar the size of concrete blocks flying out of my mouth. After they were done, the dentist and his hygienist paused for a moment to admire my teeth: no cavities. "Say, you had some nice teeth under all of that," he said.

Since then, alas, I've had a regular run of cavities and cracked teeth. The tartar must have been holding my entire mouth together.

12:55 PM  
Blogger Jazz said...

I never have been able to understand why anyone would want to become a dentist, short of having Torquemada fantasies. Spending one's days with one's hands in people's mouths (which, are apparently the filthiest parts of our bodies, bar none - nope, not even that one)is something I simply cannont comprehend. Nope. Not at all.

1:26 PM  
Blogger Angela said...

Sending you my deepest sympathy. The phrase "root canal" makes my blood pressure spike. Perhaps he's one of those dentists who offers "a little pill to relax you" before the surgery? We have a fellow like that here, and I would imagine that he's quite popular. Best wishes for as painless as possible of a time.

2:55 PM  
Blogger Big Brother said...

I remember a dentist when I was a kid in Nova Scotia. He was an old geezer and his equipment was as old as he was. He even had a type of pedal drill with cables and pulleys, a little bit like the old sewing machines. He would use Novocaine but would stick the needle into the middle of you pallet, usually hitting the nerve. The pain was intense to say the least, but then you'd be completely frozen from the crown of your head to the middle of your navel for hours after.

3:10 PM  
Blogger meggie said...

Dont mention dentists to me. I have posted twice about my phobias, & what caused them. New Zealand had some very brutal sadistic Dental Nurses, who did damage untold.
The best dentist I ever had was a lovely Polish man, here in Australia. And then we moved, & he is too far away.

3:31 PM  
Blogger laughingwolf said...

poor you, ian

thankfully i only had problems with one dentist... actually, with his mother [she was his assistant]

once she found out i, and my family, had a 100% coverage dental plan [thru my union at the time], she never stopped saying: they're 100% insured, they're 100% insured

natch, sonny then proceeded with every procedure he could think of

he did pretty good work

regardless, the following week, i found a new dentist

4:11 PM  
Blogger Eastcoastdweller said...

Ian: I was lucky enough to grow up a military kid, with lots of fluoride in the water; and with parents who eschewed sugar and starchy snacks for their brood.

So I had no cavities until I was 30.

I was mortified, traumatized, horrified -- because I had no idea what to expect, nothing but the nightmare scenes from movies. I gripped that dentist chair like a little kid, much to the amusement/annoyance of the dental hygienist, who had no sympathy whatsoever.

It didn't hurt at all. I was lucky. But I still don't want to ever go through that again.

5:22 PM  
Blogger geewits said...

When people ask what super power I would choose, I always say, "Impervious teeth." I've had all sorts of invasive medical procedures and the root canal is worse than any of them. My dentist doesn't do them and sent me to a stranger so it was easy to be rude to him. Afterwards, of course. I'm not THAT stupid.

10:56 PM  
Blogger StayAtHomeKat said...

I deeply deeply empathize!
and omygosh I remember a posting I did on another blog of mine (that I now don't keep up with) that I will HAVE TO transfer over to my current one for you to read, Ian.
Do not worry about the root canal...the discomfort can be over-hyped...I had no problem.
See ya!

1:29 PM  
Blogger Janice Thomson said...

I dislike dentists immensely and not because of anything to do with the teeth but because of a strong gag reflex which is very embarrassing. It is only in recent months I have been able to brush the teeth with no gagging. Although it was partially a mental obstacle there is a physical reason too which I was unaware of till recently after a careful scan of the mouth and esophagus...so I wait until the absolute last moment before entering a dentists office.

3:33 PM  
Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I once had a dentist I liked enough to ask him why he had become a dentist. He said that he'd wanted to get even, and he didn't want to be a teacher.

Good luck with the upcoming procedure.

10:18 PM  
Blogger StayAtHomeKat said...

http://herekittykatkat.blogspot.com/2007/08/it-wasnt-halloween-but-it-should-have.html

4:26 AM  
Blogger jmb said...

I had some terrible dentistry done as a child (no local anaesthetic ever) and then some dental butchery in England when I lived there. But somehow I am not afraid to go to the dentist. But although I look after my teeth and get good dental care my teeth are not great and I wonder if they will see me out. Bad genes I guess.
regards
jmb

7:50 PM  
Blogger CS said...

Ooh, I hate dental work. Love my dentist, too, but hate the drill. I can't imagine having to get a root canal, though - yikes.

8:15 PM  

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