Friday, March 02, 2007

Fly those friendly skies

Poor Lisa Robertson. Ms. Robertson, once-upon-a-time a QANTAS flight attendant has been sacked for her perhaps ill-considered decision to join the Mile High Club.

Most of you probably know the story by now of how Ms. Robertson was cajoled into doing ‘the deed’ with a famous movie star (Ralph Fiennes of Schindler’s List fame) in the toilet of a plane traveling from Australia to India. It was her decision, she says, and she also stated that she suspected she’d probably be fired, but having been given a chance to get to know a big movie star really-really-really well seemed to her to be worth the risk.

Well, I for one admire her candor and forthrightness in the matter. There is, by the way, no indication that Mr. Fiennes will be fired as a movie star. Probably won't happen. But maybe, if he's a decent guy, he'll help her out with her bills as she conducts her job-search. It only seems right.

Anyway, over the years a lot of males have had fantasies about making it with a flight attendant. Some flights are very long, and thoughts sometimes idly wander into forbidden or, for normal sods anyway, virtually impossible scenarios. And, flight attendants (or stewardesses, as they were once known back in the days when it was acceptable to use a single-word descriptor rather than two) seem to always offer food for those idle thoughts. They’re pretty classy; most are friendly; and they perhaps suggest a combination of nurse and geisha to the more callous of male passengers.

Now, about this Mile High Club, I’m not so sure. I am not a member and have never possessed much ambition to join that exalted altitudinous circle. I’ve been in airplane toilets, as have most of us. Sometimes when there I have wondered about how people actually do ‘that’ in there. It’s pretty confining and I don’t think the minuscule facility would lead to the most satisfactory of carnal encounters. I therefore conclude I would rather wait until we land and get to the hotel. Call me unadventurous if you will.

But, if this leaves you thinking my life has always been entirely lacking in luster, that is not entirely so. I once did receive a very overt and enticing invitation from an attractive flight attendant. I was occupying a lone seat (among three) in a long distance and sparsely occupied late night flight. This nice lady came by on a few occasions, asking me each time she passed if I would like a drink, a pillow, a blanket, etc. I declined each time. Then she came by and asked if it would be OK if she joined me while she went on her break. I said that would be just hunky-dory, or words to that effect. So, we chatted. And she told me all about her life. And she said she had a three-day layover at our destination and then came right out and asked if I would like to join her for said ‘layover.’ She mentioned nothing whatsoever about the toilet three rows back. Just as well, because my wife was stretched out in the row immediately in front of us, and was killing herself at the scenario unfolding behind her. Needless to say, I politely declined all invitations for all the obvious reasons.

“I bet you were dying inside,” said my wife as I later rejoined her in her row of seats. “You had every male’s fantasy laid before you and you couldn’t do a thing about it. I bet that never happened to you when you were single.”

In that she would be right.

But, maybe Ms. Robertson should learn that sometimes it is better to not give into one’s more basic urges.

Or maybe not. She says the encounter was pretty fabulous.

Labels: , ,

9 Comments:

Blogger Ellee Seymour said...

It's one thing to have a fantasy, another to blab about it and hurt other people's relationships. I think silly Ralph for not being able to resist a predatory woman, and in a toilet, just like Boris Becker and the waitress in a London restaurant and she later gave birth to his daughter. What if this air hostess turns out to be pregnant too? How do you explain that kind of conception to your child? The whole world knows, so you can't lie about it.

11:18 AM  
Blogger Dr. Deb said...

I fly often, and even in first class, the toilets are, uh....not a place I'd like to get my groove on.

6:07 PM  
Blogger heiresschild said...

our actions do have consequences. i've never even seen the inside of an airplane toilet/bathroom. never use them.

7:27 PM  
Blogger geewits said...

Well, after reading the comments, I have to be brave here to admit to being a member of TMHC. My second husband and I took a last minute trip to my 10th high school reunion (it was 1989 and the trip was free courtesy of my Dad) and we were just feeling crazy. What I remember most was going back to my seat between my husband and the aisle seat passenger. When I sat down, the aisle guy said, "Was it good for you?"

12:34 AM  
Blogger heiresschild said...

geewits, that was wild and funny. i'd be interested to know what your answer was to the guy.

11:22 AM  
Blogger CS said...

I logged on to respond to the post, but first to the first commenter: Why assume that the flight attendant was a "predatory woman?" The post said she was "cajoled" into it, but either way I don't see how it could possibly be all her fault. Our culture seems predisposed to be judgmental toward women being sexual and far more accepting of men. That said - airplane bathrooms? Ewww.

1:00 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

mmmmRalph....but in a BATHROOM!?! yuck.
Let's have a bit more dignity!

5:25 PM  
Blogger Wendy C. said...

Too funny! I wonder what I would do if Ralph Fiennes propositioned me on a plane with my husband and four kids sitting in the next row...stop laughing, Ian! It could happen :-)

9:55 PM  
Blogger Jazz said...

Ellee - Predatory? From what was written it seems like HE was the predator. But I digress

If Ralf Fiennes propositioned me, skank that he is, I'm thinking I would seriously consider the offer, cause the boy? He is hot. And yummy.

And Mr. Jazz does not even exist in a world where Ralf Fiennes would proposition the likes of me. LOL

8:28 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home