That's more than sad -- it's pathetic

A particular exchange from my days as an addictions counsellor sticks in my mind. One day I asked a client what it was that had made him decide to turn his life around from being a falling-down drunk to a person seeking a life of sobriety. It was a question I often asked because I wanted to assess if the decision had come from the individual himself, or if somebody had put his back to the wall and demanded he get help. In such cases the process is often doomed to fail because it’s under duress.

“It was something my wife said,” he told me. “She said I was pathetic. That really hit me. I wouldn’t have minded her calling me a drunken asshole, a waste-of-space, a jerk, or whatever else she’d thrown at me hundreds of times over the years. But to say I was ‘pathetic’ really hit me. Pathetic. That’s what you call a skid-row wino eating out of dumpsters. I wasn’t one of those – I didn’t think.”

He was right. Pathetic seems to indicate beyond hope and therefore, finally, an object of pity rather than contempt. According to my dictionary, pathetic is: arousing or capable of arousing scornful pity. Yep, that was right where the poor guy was. It wasn’t just that he had done something pathetic; in his long-suffering wife’s esteem, his entire being was pathetic.

I don’t know if the guy was successful in his quest. After 28-days he left and the facility tended to lose touch. I hope he was. I hope he’s no longer pathetic.

But, I’m afraid that the term ‘pathetic’ was the only one that could cross my mind when I saw the photos of poor, sad Britney Spears with her shaved head. No doubt you’ve seen them. My feeling was, I don’t want to read any more crap about your misspent life. I don’t want to see you baring your (ahem) ‘fundament’ to the world again, I find your life has become pathetic, and only you can do something about it. I’m altruistic enough that I like to hear of people – especially people with very few tools – resurrecting themselves and becoming functional humans.

I feel that about her because she was a kid who came from the metaphorical trailer-park and, like Elvis, whose background was similar, suddenly was thrust in the limelight, suddenly had more money than an emirate, and suddenly was expected to perform, and perform and perform to the greedy public’s content. She was expected to do this with no inner resources to carry her through. So, she ended up pathetic and sad.

In that she is like Courtney Love. We all watched poor old Courtney, who became increasingly pathetic on her downhill slide, and we all waited for the out-of-control car to hit the overpass. But, amazingly, it didn’t. Love of her child shocked her into awareness, and I hope the tales of her recovery are true.

I don’t feel that way about Paris Hilton, for example, or other spoiled and self-indulgent individuals like her. She had every advantage any human could ever expect and has devoted her energies to not only offending virtually everybody who crosses her path – even bad people – but also showing an attitude of greed and entitlement that is repellent. Oh, and she also insists on dragging easily-influenced younger females down with her. Paris ain’t pathetic. She’s just offensive, so screw her. Why not? Hundreds already have. Sorry, I had to have my little joke.
But, all I can say to Britney is, check yourself back into that rehab that you checked out of within 24-hours, grow your hair back, gain some maturity, and recognize the fact you have two youngsters who might like to have functional and loving mother And no, toddlers do ‘not’ take the wheel of a car, regardless of how cute you might think it is.