It's not cool to think you are cool

I used to believe that Lou Reed epitomized 'cool'. He was, especially in his 'Velvet Underground' days, even way cool. Except that Lou would know that the user of such an expression as "way cool" has immediately typed himself as being utterly uncool. The genuinely cool don't need cliches. The genuinely cool invent expressions that the uncool will then adopt in the vain hope that they will be seen as cool They won't. In fact, I don't even know if Lou Reed is or was, actually cool, but he gave understanding to the term.

It has been said that there are four elements that can make up a human being that can never be acquired or learned. These elements are intrinsic. You either have them or you do not, and no amount of trying is going to give them to you. Those elements are: Cool, style, charm, wit.

Let it be understood that if you have sufficient self-doubts to assume you might not have all or some of the aforementioned, then you are defeated before you start. Indeed, if you have doubts about whether you may or many not be cool, then you are decidedly uncool. The truly cool never fret, because they 'know.' They know from how others respond to them. And they know because they don't give a shit about how others respond to them.

I am not about to name names at a personal level of those I think are cool, or not. In the first place that would be a very uncool thing to do, and secondly it might be seen as insulting. Which would be silly. I know some very uncool people who are nevertheless terrific human beings and good friends, so I would never want them to think being uncool is in some way inferior. It is just a matter of not being very cool. So, instead, I'll look at some more popular icons and suggest who I -- and these are just my opinions, you will have your own -- think satisfy all of the cool criteria. They are:

Actors/actresses who are cool in persona: John Malkovich, John Cusack, John Goodman, Humphrey Bogart, Glen Ford, Nick Nolte, Jack Nicholson, Lisa Kudrow, Kathryn Erbe, Spencer Tracy, Clint Eastwood, Michael Keaton, Ellen Barkin, Dennis Quaid, Molly Ringwald, Morgan Freeman, Lou Gossett, Debra Winger, Jeff Bridges, Susan Sarandon, Bob Mitchum (invented cool), James Dean, Al Pacino, Mel Gibson (especially in Road Warrior days) Robert Duvall, Jennifer Jason Lee, Steve McQueen, James Garner, Sidney Poitier, Robert DiNiro, Paul Newman, Christopher Reeve (his final act was the coolest one of all), Robert Downey Jr., Billy-Bob Thornton, Theresa Russell, Tom Waits, Marilyn Monroe (sometimes), Tony Curtiss, Jamie-Lee Curtiss, Cary Grant, Alfonso Bedoya (the bandit leader in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre). There are many more.

Actors/actresses uncool: Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Nicholas Cage, Reese Witherspooon, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston (cute, but not cool), Randy Quaid, Goldie Hawn, Martin Sheen (used to be cool before he got obsessively political), and so many others who are utterly uncool at all levels, I wouldn't know how to list them all.

Musicians Cool: None of the Beatles with the possible exception of Ringo, Keith Richards, Lou Reed (as stated), Charlie Watts, Deborah Harry (sort of a co-inventor of cool along with Reed), Frank Sinatra, Charlie Parker, Dylan (despite sporadic self-consciousness), Brian Setzer, Dennis Wilson, Dr. John, Dave Edmunds, Aretha Franklin, Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley (only in his earliest incarnation), Gene Vincent, the Everly Bros., Ricky Nelson, Eddie Cochran, Buddy Holly, Eric Clapton, Astrud Gilberto, Harry Connick Jr., Chet Baker, Gene Krupa, and this list could go on and on and on.

Musicians Uncool: Simply put down the name Michael Bolton and just feel free to take off from there.

Anyway, I would be delighted if you would share some of the people on your cool/uncool list.