You may experience some discomfort

Younger people are blessed in a number of ways that we of an, ahem, 'mature' generation are not. Not the least of which is that most not only have all their teeth intact, but that the odds of remaining denture-free until they close the box (or whatever that process will involve in, say, 2068) are pretty good.

Not so, we of an earlier time. I only know this because over the last few months I have had to endure a number of costly and relatively unpleasant procedures that are reflective of the incompetence and archaic processes that passed for dental care at an earlier time.

I was reminded of that this morning as a friend, of around my age, came into Starbucks where I was enjoying the cardio-shock of just a basic cup of coffee (don't confuse me with all the candy-coffee-confections; I want 'joe' and Starbucks makes joe with spurs on), and was complaining of some dental grief he had undergone over the weekend. We then got talking about dentists of our respective youths and childhoods.

"By the time I was about 15 I just quit going to the dentist, and didn't go back until my late 30s. God, am I ever paying for it now," he said.

Not that his teeth don't look just fine. Not that mine don't, either. The ones the public sees, that is. Nobody, fortunately, has to see the back end of my mouth or his, with the abominations that passed for dental work, or the frankly missing teeth, that render chewing difficult, and also trash the digestion.

His childhood dentist, he said, was not only a hack and butcher, but also a drunk who wafted booze breath into his face, regardless of time of day. Mine was a hack and butcher (who did not believe novacaine was necessary except for major extractions), and also a lecher who fondled his (always pretty) female assistants to a degree that would land him in jail today. It should have then. Even when I was a kid I figured out that each time I went, there would be another hot assistant. I guess a woman can only accept a creepy old guy putting his hand up her skirt for so long, regardless of what the employment picture is in her community.

Anyway, my friend's story was the same as mine. I quit the asshole in my teens, and never went back until I too was in my 30s and toothaches got so unbearable that I would literally pace the floor at 3 a.m. trying to make the pain go away. There is nothing so unrelentingly awful as toothache. It just won't go away. By day my teeth looked great, and I had a good smile, at night they crucified me. I would soak cotton balls in vodka to anesthetize the bad tooth. Eventually, I would just drink the vodka. Not a particularly prudent thing to do, considering I had to get up and go to work the next day.

Anyway, at that time I found a 'good' dentist. A modern dentist. He was (and is, since he is still my dentist) wonderful. He did the best he could for me. He saved whatever teeth he could, and made the rest just look smashing. His equipment and techniques are ultra modern and so painfree I am staggered. I have had very few moments of even discomfort with him over the years. He was, on the other hand, aghast at the atrocious dental work I'd had in my past.

But, I still pay the price (literally and figuratively) of years of neglect that arose from neglect spawned by professional incompetence. My dentist told me that the number of middle-aged people whose story matches mine is huge. When they finally do show up at his practice, they are not only in pain, they are fear-ridden to the point of fainting in the dental chair.

So, all I can say is the contemporary world may be rife with troubles and problems, but we should all feel blessed by the skills of modern dentists.

No, this was not a prepaid announcement by Canadian or American Dental Associations, but a heartfelt thanks for what they do, and a lingering bitterness about the incompetence of their predecessors.