"Happiness runs in a circular motion"

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can.

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Much beloved by many worldwide is the so-called Serenity Prayer. And, in truth, this simple philosophical mandate contains most of the wisdom any of us might need to make it through this morass called life.

We all have our realities; individual realities that cannot be changed. We are tall or short, we are beautiful or average or plain, we are young or not-so-young, we are male or female, we are straight or gay, we are humorous or deadly serious, and so on. But, we also have those things we can change if we have the will and if we only had, like the Lion in the Wizard of Oz, the courage. The point of the message of the prayer is, make certain that the things you want to change, and undertake to change, are possibilities. Otherwise, you will be farting into a hurricane. You will have no impact and will end up frustrated and disheartened.

So, find the wisdom to know the difference.

I had two premises posed to me the other day. Premises that look to the verities of life, and that contain some of the truths of that prayer. They are as follows:

Premise One: You are on your deathbed. It's end-game and you will be flatlining within months/weeks/days/hours. Nothing morbid about this, by the way, so don't be deterred. So, when you are on that deathbed. What are your regrets?

I don't mean regrets of circumstance. So, no point in having regrets about things you couldn't change, like appearance, general personality, health, genetic makeup, etc. No, I mean regrets about crappy judgment calls, giving into weaknesses and flaws, attacks of vanity that led you into certain bad situations, poor money decisions based on greed, cruelties to spouse, parents, children, etc. That is, the things about you that pertain to the way you have guided your life. Did you marry too young, the wrong person, for the wrong reasons? Did you always want to go to law school or art college or bum around Europe when you were 20, but didn't want to spend the time or money, so you ended up doing something you didn't like very much? Well, you're on your deathbed. Not a hell of a lot you can do about it now.

Premise two: This is the more positive of the premises posed to me. You are not yet at deathbed stage. You still have time. Whether a lot or a little cannot be known by anyone. Therefore what are the things you would like to do, and that you can still do before your time is up?

Remember, at certain stages of our lives we may think something is important, and then find out at a later stage it really isn't. In your 20s or 30s you may think a state-of-the-art vehicle is the be-all and end-all of your life and aspirations. In your 40s or 50s you may think it is a fine home in an upscale neighborhood. You may ultimately decide however, that a car is just a damn car, or who needs a house that bloody big? These are individual wants and needs, so it's up to you.

Here are mine:

1) regrets I still have but hope I don't have on my deathbed:

- That somebody out there might still be so unforgiving of me that they are happy I'm going to snuff it.

- That I didn't at least try to be the writer I think I had the potential to be.

- That I am buying the big one due to lousy lifestyle decisions.

- That self-indulgence made certain people relieved that I was on my way out.

- That cowardice kept me from exploring those things I really, really wanted to explore.

- That I always chose safety over self-actualization.

- That I allowed others to thwart my dreams.

- That I married too young, or for the wrong reasons, to people I wasn't compatible with, but that desire for security and/or sex sent me in those directions.

- That I ended up alienated from my stepdaughter for reasons that weren't entirely my fault.

- That I still haven't found it in my heart to really grieve for, or to forgive my parents for their role in some of the issues I later had to deal with.

Oh, there are more, but those are some of the big ones.

2)Things I still want before curling up on that deathbed:

- Travel to places I still want to visit. I can't get to them all, but some are still on priority list.

- Have the courage to attempt to get manuscripts that are lying fallow activated again and on their way to publishers, and to not be deterred by rejection slips.

- To see if I really am not a bad painter.

- To be grateful for the blessings I have in my life.

- To be rid of self-indulgence and pettiness, but to be selfish about my needs, provided they don't hurt those I love.

- To have genuinely loved certain people in my life.

- To have the serenity of acceptance at all levels.

- To have had low points, frightening episodes, despair and self-destructive moments, but also to have had love, high points, exultation and interludes in which I felt justifiably proud of myself and fulfilled.

- To have understood that happiness is not necessarily jubilation, but acceptance of my own reality.

- To have Deborah Harry dedicate a song to me. I still love you Deb, after all these years.

So, I would be very interested in reading your thoughts on where your life is going and the things you still want to do.