Welcome to the age of the slacker

My summer days of my early teens were spent cruising the neighborhood and knocking on doors to ask residents if they would "please" like their lawns mowed.

It wasn't that I liked mowing lawns, it was just that I knew if I wanted anything resembling either spending money, or to be able to purchase new duds for the forthcoming school year, I'd better earn a few dollars. And then, when fall came, there were leaves to be raked, and with winter (back in the glory days of global chilling, remember that?) came snow to be shoveled.

In my little entrepreneurial ventures, I didn't see myself as hard-done-by, since every other kid of my acquaintance was doing similar things. In fact, the lawn cutting competition was fierce.

"I'm sorry, Ian, but young Myron Sleet is cutting our grass. Such a nice boy."

That bastard, I thought.

So nowadays, the era of entrepreneurial youngsters has apparently passed. I have lived in my current suburban home for about eight years, and not once has a kid come by to offer to do anything. There are kids in the area. What in hell is wrong with them? What in hell is wrong with parents who aren't ordering them to get their asses out there and make themselves productive?

My brothers and I, my friends, and probably my entire generation were 'expected' to make ourselves busy during vacation. But, none of the foregoing means I don't have interaction with your kids. Indeed I do. They will ring my doorbell and, smiling sweetly, will ask if I would like to buy a chocolate bar to support their gym club, dance troupe, soccer team, or whatever.

Sometimes they don't even offer the chocolate bar as recompense for my contribution. I've had incidents of just plain, blatant begging for some cause or other. I must confess, it pisses me off. I am certain these kids are wonderful young people, enterprising and talented no doubt. But, do I give a sweet goddamn if their soccer team or dance troupe needs funding? I do not. If parents want their children to be involved in such activities, then God love them, why aren't they supporting them in what they are doing? Why are they intruding on homeowners? And, if they aren't nailing me at my doorstep, you are nailing me at the supermarket, where there is scarcely a Saturday that goes by that there isn't a smiling youngster offering to sell me an apple or somesuch to help support somebody else's activity. I don't even like apples, for heaven's sake!

It's not that I'm a skinflint. I mean, I am, but that's not the issue here. I support charities. I support charities that are designed to help the helpless, not able bodied 'other peoples' kids. I support the Heart and Stroke Foundation, the Cancer Society, the MS Society, and if the Home for Wayward Ladies of the Evening had a society, I might even support them.

I have served on countless boards over the years, and I have readily volunteered to help those who need a hand -- and who 'deserve' that helping hand. Kids' soccer teams, softball teams, dance troupes and gymnastics ventures don't qualify -- sorry.

Maybe if those kids actually got out and hustled their energetic little asses to do something good for somebody in the community, I'd feel more sympathetic. As it is, so much of it is so self-involved. Self-involvement loses my interest very rapidly.