Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Early to bed, early -- really early -- to rise. Damn

According to yet another one of those “researchers say …” articles that dominate our daily press in lieu of ‘real’ news I find that I am screwed – and not in a nice way, either.

You see, researchers say we should all get seven to eight hours of sleep a night, and if we don’t, we’re going to die. Here’s a flash for those researchers, we’re going to die, anyway. It’s sort of in the nature of being a living entity. We might not like it, but that’s the way it is.

Where I am screwed is that I never muster eight hours of sleep. I manage to get seven if I’m really lucky. Of course, if I get ‘lucky’ I don’t get seven, but that’s an entirely other (*TMI Alert) matter. Mind you, researchers have some views on that sort of stuff, too. Can’t recall if it’s good for you or bad for you, but that’s one habit I don’t plan to change.

What I find interesting about these researchers is how they feel compelled to tell us stuff that will disquiet us, and hence disrupt our sleep. I awaken at, say, 4:30 a.m. and think: “Holy shit, I’m awake at the 4:30! Not only am I probably shortening my life, but also I’ll probably end up with dementia, impotence, incontinence and a host of other disagreeable happenings, just because I awakened at 4:30. Must sleep! Must sleep!") Well, you know how that is going to play out. I’ll be more awake than I have ever been.

So, my question to the researcher guys is, how do you make yourself sleep longer – or shorter, if that is your problem?

I’ve read tons of stuff about sleep habits. Well, my sleep habits are fine. I turn in relatively early, unless I’ve had to go out to some function (in which case my sleep will be totally screwed because I’ll come home a bit pumped up); I don’t drink coffee, tea or colas in the evening hours, my bedding is nice (400 thread count sheets, if you please and a nice and cozy duvet), if it is warmish, the window is open a trace (except in high allergy season, which is only 11 months out of the 12 for me), there is no extraneous noise (and if there is, I use earplugs), Wendy is not normally a restless sleeper, so that doesn’t disrupt. I then cozy in, read for a while until I nod, and then it’s slumberland. Always works. I have nice dreams, too. I rarely have nightmares, so all the REM stuff is doing what it's supposed to. It’s at the other end that it doesn’t work so well for me. I want to saw wood for seven, but I rarely get more than six. And that is my reality. I refuse to feel guilty about it, and screw you researcher guys (I think somebody should, and then you wouldn’t be such OC dweebs, fussing and fretting about the habits of others and making nonsensical pronouncements just to upset the good folk out there in readership land.)

I awaken early because the world begins to encroach. I am not anxious about it or depressed, I just wake up and, silly me, I always assumed I woke up after 6 or 6 ½ because I’d had enough sleep. It’s true, if there is something pressing happening, like I’m going to be traveling that day, or getting married, or something, then I will awaken even earlier. I expect some poor guy who is going to be executed at sunup has a bitch of time getting in his sufficient allotment. “Oh, well. Maybe it’ll be better tonight. Oh, right, it will be whole lot better.”

So, as it stands, I’m just not going to worry too much about having insufficient sleep. I think if that is how long I consistently sleep, then I must be getting the sleep I need. Little sleep was of no real concern to Winston Churchill, Thomas Edison or Margaret Thatcher, and they did OK. I mean, isn't this really kind of arbitrary. All of us as individuals have different wants and needs in all areas of our lives, so why should sleep be any different?

In any case, when I think of the amount of sleep mustered by those hiding out in the London Underground during the Blitz, I can only conclude we are a generation of neurotic wanking whiners considering the stuff we stress about, considering the stuff people elsewhere on the planet have to stress about.

“I’m a bit concerned, Habib, I am simply not getting enough sleep these days.” “Probably the car bombings, Mustapha – probably the car bombings.”.

Labels: ,

13 Comments:

Blogger Jazz said...

If you wake feeling ok, you're getting enough sleep. If, like me you wake and just want to snooze for another two hours, you're not. Though it's not really feasible to get the 10 hours sleep I crave as an adult, I'd have to be in bed at 8 pm - and I get home past six...

12:40 PM  
Blogger laughingwolf said...

arbitrary indeed... 6 to 6.5 hours is good for me, less than that and i'm not at my best

i've only been getting 3 to 4 hours at a stretch lately, no wonder my life sucks!

3:29 PM  
Blogger Tai said...

Well, if it's any consolation (which I'm sure it's not) I get my 8, and sometimes, I get 10. I'd share it with you if I could.
I don't do anything to deserve it either.
I can drink coffee right before bed, I can party like a rock star till 2am, I can go through the most life changing crisis's piled on on top of the other and I still can sleep soundly.
I don't deserve it, but I can do it!
Guess I won't be dying (anytime soon!).

4:37 PM  
Blogger meggie said...

Basically, I feel these researchers are just overpaid lay-a-bouts. I think they make this stuff up. I am sure they dont have ways of knowing/saying, when someone dies at 33, "Well we know for certain he died because he only got 5 hours of sleep a night".
And new mothers suffer deep sleep deprivation, more so, the more children they have. I have known & still know some very ancient mothers!

5:56 PM  
Blogger Dr. Deb said...

I so love your writing, Ian. You can make me laugh out loud and make me take in a clipped breath of astonishment.

As for sleep, yeah, that's a tough one for many. I can sleep anywhere, anytime, which makes me think of my old Nana who used to snore at the kitchen table. Luckily, I'm not there yet, but I can get 8 hours easily. Ten on the weekend. Other issues are tough for me, but sleeping is.......
......

............

sorry, I just nodded off.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Scarlet said...

Oh man, I hope I can sleep after reading this! Interesting post, a little TOO interesting. ;)

6:53 PM  
Blogger geewits said...

That's odd that you mentioned war stuff. As I was reading this I was thinking of WWII and the Battle of Bastogne. And some of those guys are still alive. I think everyone has a unique sleep cycle. I sleep in 5 hour increments so I'm fine with 5 hours or I can double down and do 10 hours. I always wonder about these sleeping surveys that say certain people live longer. How are they finding out that the dead people did not sleep those hours?

9:56 PM  
Blogger Casdok said...

Sleep! Whats that?!!

3:44 AM  
Blogger Hageltoast said...

i thought some research showed that people who get 5 or 6 hours live longer those who have 7 or more. Which would put you in the going to get reeeeeally old category.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Janice Thomson said...

Gosh Ian never gave it much thought but I only get 6 hours sleep as I'm usually up and about at around 4 am too - and I feel great. Any more than that and I have a major headache for the day. Less than 6 hours however and I'm downright bitchy. Nor have I used a clock for some 20 years. The internal one with the odd prod for extra events works just fine. It's like the Dr Spock book - how can you tell people what to do when they are so diverse?

10:33 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

Well, my friend, it is my turn to be jealous of you. My trouble is that it doesn't seem to matter how many *hours* I get, I plumb don't want to get out of my cozy bed until after 9.

I know one fellow in his 50s who operates on 3 (seriously) THREE hours of sleep each night. That, or he's lying. And he's one of the most energetic people I know.

I think I must be throwing off the average, but I would think that anything between six and nine would fall in the "normal" range . . . ? Normal. HA!

2:28 PM  
Blogger jmb said...

I'd like to get more than six hours too but that seem to be average now for me. I am a serious night owl and don't get sleepy until 1.30 - 2.00am then seem to be awake at 7.30 - 8. Maybe I'll be better when we turn the clock back.
Ugh, still getting the email return notification from you.

10:45 PM  
Blogger heiresschild said...

fortunately for me, i'm not working so i don't have to punch a time clock somewhere, so i can pretty sleep until i'm ready to wake up. the time for that differs according to my nite time schedule and what i have to do that day. i even take naps sometimes. and don't let me be a passenger in a car--sleepland for sure. for the most part, i try to listen to my body for what it needs, which is usually bettwen 6-8 hrs.

2:39 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home