Being the complete sum of all my parts

Thanks to Alie Malie for this (yet again) and for the circuitous route by which she got it. When I’m stuck there’s nothing I like more than a good questionnaire. It’s OK to pry when you are prying into yourself. Some of the questions were a bit inane, so I did the best I could with them, and added my own spin.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?Car insurance. It’s big and it’s nasty and it also means paying money to an insurance company, and I hate insurance companies in general. Talk about a license to print money.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?Many places over the years, but the last place would be in Grenoble, France back in October. It wasn’t even a French restaurant, but a quaint little Indian place with superlative food, candlelight and all the accoutrements of romance. Except maybe the sitar, OK? Not entirely conducive to ‘that’ sort of mood.

3. Last time you puked from drinking?When I was about 20. What a disgusting question.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar? Never danced on a bar. Did once sing ‘Wild Thing’ with a guy from Portland OR in a karaoke bar in Waikiki. He was on his honeymoon, too. Our brides were not enchanted. Mind you, this wasn’t my current bride but the one before her.

5. Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Hallworth. She generally had an expression on her face that would have intimidated Hitler, but she was a really good teacher, even if a sourpuss.

6. What do you really want to be doing right now? Making my acceptance speech before the Nobel folk. Otherwise, snorkeling amongst the sea turtles and tropical fish on my way out to the entrance of the lagoon at Tunnels Beach on the north shore of Kauai. Maybe one more thing, but I’m not going to say here.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? Well, first off, at about 4, I wanted to be a fireman because a favorite uncle was one. Later I wanted to be a marine biologist, a psychiatrist, a lawyer, a writer, a professor. I never wanted to be a teacher, but that was what I ended up in my first (8 years) career. I was a good teacher, I have been told. But, the politics and bullshit of the calling drove me away with no regrets.

8. How many colleges did you attend? One. The University of British Columbia.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? I like the color, and I have to meet somebody later this morning so I wanted to look a bit spiffy.

10. Gas Prices? It’s all an exotic shell-game (no pun intended) and if we think the companies or governments are going to do anything about them, think again.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you? I lived in the UK for a while, and loved it. But, I’d hate to be poor there. London is still my favorite big city and I am very familiar with it. Otherwise, most definitely Hawaii. Kauai is my paradise, but would probably settle for Oahu due to Honolulu and the services available. Kauai is a little too bucolic for a permanent stay.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I’m always awake before the alarm goes, and the first thought is: It’s coffee time, hooray!

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? As always, have I done everything I wanted to get done today? The answer invariably is, ‘no.’

14. Favorite style of underwear? Briefs, Y-fronts if you will, in a multiplicity of hues. Bonus for being in England last fall was to be able to stock up on ‘Marks & Sparks’ items in that realm. They are the best. Even Princess Diana thought so.

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex? I’m very eclectic in that regard. I’m also a bit like Elvis in that I find basic white knickers quite enchanting.

16. What errand/chore do you despise? Paying bills.

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? I have always volunteered and served on boards, etc. Probably always will. It’s in my nature, even though I always bitch when I’m serving on something.

18. Get up early or sleep in? Always early. Waaaaaaaaaay too early.

19. What is your favorite cartoon character? Porky Pig (I assume the question meant animated cartoon). Either Porky or Itchy and Scratchy.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy? Conversation; good music; a fine meal.

21. Have you found real love yet? Oh sure. And I’ll say nothing more about that.

22. When did you first start feeling old? When I was 29. My 20s were over. I was on the downhill slide.

23. Favorite 80's movie? Was Chinatown a 1980s movie? If not, it will still have to do.

24. Your favorite lunch meat? Shrimp or crab. And, every once in a while I get a definite craving for good old corrupt Spam.

25. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart? Toilet paper and cat food.

26. Ocean or lake? Ocean hands down, but lakes are OK, too.
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No. I liked it so much, I tried a few of them. On the other hand, it’s all up to the couple what they want to do.

28. How many people do you stalk on Facebook? Absolutely no one. I’ve never even been there. Don’t plan to.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure? Spending too much on books and magazines. Travel is a pleasure I never feel guilty about.

30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Oh, I don’t think I’d really be that ashamed about it. Anyway, it's all about Phoebe Cates, folks.

31. What's your drink? Used to be single-malt scotch. Now is café au lait in a French sidewalk café on a sunny day.

32. Cowboys or Indians? I don’t even know what that means, so I’m not about to go there.

33. Cops or Robbers? Cops. I covered the police beat for a number of years, and I have huge admiration for the risks to which those men and women put themselves for the sake of our safety. Sure, there are some brutal and corrupt assholes, but there are anywhere.

34. Who from high school would you like to run into? Probably Sandy, the girl with whom I was rapturously (and unrequitedly) in love for two years.

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? I really don’t know. I usually play CDs because radio is so terrible now.

36. Norm or Cliff? Neither. They were both alcoholic jerks. The one I liked was ‘Coach’, but then he went and died on us.

37. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? The Simpsons.

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Not having had anything more than a torrid yet casual sexual affair with the woman who became my second wife.

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work? I work from home, so I’d have to look in the mirror. If I did, I’d have to say that sometimes I like the guy.

40. If you could get away with it, whom would you kill? I don’t really think I have it within me to kill anybody. However, there are some people about whom news of their demise would fill me with joy.

41. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with? I don’t idolize many people, so that is a tough question. Certainly there are people from the past, but contemporaries? The Dalai Lama is out because I’m not a vegan. Actually, George W. because I’d really like to know what makes him tick; Margaret Thatcher; Judi Dench; Helen Mirren (but only if she wore something décolleté) and Condi Rice, because I’d like to see her let her hair down and stop being so anal.

42. What famous person would you like to sleep with? Evangeline Lilly, Lisa Kudrow, Helen Mirren, Ellen Barkin, Deborah Harry.

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? Nope.

44. Last book you read for real?As opposed to ‘for false?’ I have no idea what this means.

45. Do you have a teddy bear?I have a very old rabbit with no eyes or front legs that an aunt brought from Blitz battered London after the war.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? I have no idea what this means.

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? Big Sur.

48. Do you go to church? Sometimes on Christmas Eve or at Easter, as well as for weddings and funerals.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? God forbid.

50. Just how OLD are you? Old enough to have seen Annette Funicello in her first training-bra.