'Goin' my way, sailor?'

So, what is a wink? Why do people wink? Do men wink more than women, or vice versa? Does the Queen wink? I think not. Neither does she go to the bathroom.

I was winked at a couple of weeks ago by a woman who lives in my neighborhood. What did it mean? Did it mean I’d said something funny? Did it mean we’d shared a joke? I don’t think so, because I don’t recall any criticisms transpiring. Had she a facial tic? Or did she mean that I’d like you to come to my house so we could take off our clothes? I’d like to think it was the latter, just because it’s flattering and sounds like fun.

Anyway, the world has been ever so slightly abuzz lately with the winks of the redoubtable Veep nominee Sarah Palin. Sarah has been caught winking on a number of occasions on TV broadcasts. It’s good people have been picking up on this because it indicates we need some relief from our anxiety about the world going to hell in a handcart, and all that.

Of course, there is speculation about why Sarah has been winking, and there is any number of possibilities including:

- Indeed I ‘do’ have a facial tic.
- I think this whole gig is just a great big joke, like you do.
- It’s just the maverick in me.
- Between you and me, McCain’s and my chances – puhleeze!
- I am indeed the ‘ubermilf’ your feverish fantasies have told you.
- Is everybody having fun?
- I actually am Tina Fey.

The wink is an age-old non verbal signal that is widely used by many cultures and has been for centuries. In some parts of the world it is considered insulting; in others overly-familiar; and yet in others it is deemed to label the chronic winker an utter asshole.

I know I probably have winked at the odd person in my life, though I try to avoid so doing for the foregoing reasons – i.e. the ‘asshole’ equation, as an example.

Of course, if one is a heterosexual male, one winks at the opposite sex for probably different reasons than one winks at one’s own sex.

A wink male-to-male usually involves:

- A shared joke at the expense of another.
- Don’t take the fact that your incompetence has just cost the company their half-year’s profits too seriously.
- Get a load of her. Man, she’s hot.
- Don’t take your mother’s ranting too seriously, son. Someday you’ll learn what women are like.
- You think I’ve had too much to drink to be behind the wheel of car? C’mon, officer, we’re both men of the world.

A wink from a man to a woman can involve such things as:

- I think you’re cute and funny.
- No, that wasn’t a pass, I was just jokin’ around.
- With your Scarlett Johansson mouth I’d like to be in a luscious lip lock with you.
- Of course, honey, I think your sister is about as much fun as you do, and possibly more fun than dental surgery without anaesthetic.

A wink from a woman to a man? Well, we’ll just have to ask Sarah or my neighbor down the street.