Time to exorcise them old demons
I want to be like the cat in this picture. It's not my cat, but a pretty reasonable facsimile of the feline that has been part my my life since 1997. He has never evidenced any remote hint of stress or anxiety. He mainly sleeps. Sometimes gets up. Sometimes eats. Sometimes preens. Sometimes pukes. And then he sleeps again. I am envious. I have been especially envious this past week. I have been suffering what is clinically referred to (or should be) as Donut-hole Syndrome. In other words, stressed.The donut hole reference comes from that hollow, empty feeling in the gut that tells you something evil is afoot; something just isn't right. The sufferer can't easily define it, but there it is, unmistakably. It's the sort of feeling you got when you were a kid and were summoned to the principal's office, and later when you passed a radar speedtrap on the highway insecure in the knowledge that you were traveling at least 20 over the posted. It's the anticipatory angst you can get before a sexual encounter with somebody new, or that I used to get near the denouement of my last marriage when my not-so-loving-any-more wife pulled into the driveway.
So, I have been going through this. I know it will pass, but it's just not very much fun. I know it's work related. I have been doing a contract job for a guy who, while he pays well, is kind of a two-faced controlling bastard who nitpicks everything ad nauseam. I mean, I'm self-employed, so why should I give a shit? He's not my boss; I'm my boss. But, if I don't perform to his liking, then the cheque won't be in the post when I need it. My impulse for the past four days has been to say: "Fuck you. I don't need this at this stage of my life, when I've already proved I have a modicum of expertise in a few areas." But, I couldn't say that because I wanted the money. And, avaricious bastard that I am, I don't want to burn bridges for future reference because, as I say, he pays well, and always comes through. It's just the trip that's not so much fun.
OK. That's my rant. And the donut hole has diminished somewhat.
posted by Ian Lidster at
9:24 AM
6 Comments:
I know that dread, but I hardly ever suffer it anymore. I replaced it with wine along time ago! It's funny; even when I don't tipple, I've aquired that 'Oh to hell with I'm going to sleep' attitude that used only to derive from long bouts with friends and sudden, wine induced inaction. I'm cutting out my 'social drinking'- but there's alot to be gained by a stress free habit, all the same!
I couldn't agree more about the 'Oh to hell with it,' point. As for wine, I cut out the plonk a long time ago as it got to be way too much of a good thing, and probably worked too well. But, I know it's all transitory and I know what it's based on, but thank you, Felicity, for your thoughts.
I am nodding my head as I read. If I could offer anything - and I realize that you didn't ask for any advice, but I am a "fixer" and I hate it when people are suffering, so here I go: I would bet that if you did one of the following (or both if you could stand it) you would feel a lot better right away regardless of that controlling bastard: Go do something fun (go dancing, go boating, go do whatever it is that flips yout trigger!) AND get 30 minutes of exercise! Preferably fun exercise...raquet ball? running? tennis? tai chi? dancing? All I know if my set point is "stressed out for no logical reason" and the only things that helps me feel better are the above...that and a glass of wine :-)
Take care
This, as all things...passes.
All it takes is good conversation and a few happy guffaws and the world rights itself once again.
You are all such wonderful people, and thank you for your suggestions. Actually it has abated considerably, since we went to a big gala shindig up Mt. Washington last night, ate sumptously, met some really nice people and had fun. So, you're all right, any sort of diversion, right down to Tai's suggested guffaws, works wonders.
First, thanks for verbalizing what I have been feeling lately. It's been hard for me to describe for people...but now I have the wonderful donut hole analogy. :)
Second, I agreee with Tai. This will pass. Just keep things in perspective and remember that it is YOUR life and you need to do what will make YOU happy.
(And, if after that, the bastard is still bugging you...just tell me. I'll help you tell him to fuck off.)
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