Dumber, Dumberer and Dumberest

At the risk of being seen as an unrepentant over-the-top contrarian, let me say right now that I am less-than-on-side regarding the 2010 Winter Olympics to be held here in British Columbia.

In the first place I detest what the Olympics in general have become in recent years, what with doping, steroid use and retaining that farcical myth that the Olympics have something to do with ‘amateur’ athletics. They are as much about amateur sport as is the Indy 500.

They are a money making proposition for more candidates than I would care to even think about. A case in point would be the utterly nauseating looking so-called ‘mascots’ that were revealed the other day, amidst huge fanfare and following weeks of secrecy.

Secrecy? Over what? Over a bunch of tacky looking plush toy figures that are a hundred metre dash from anything resembling cute. They look like grotesque little anime figures that are, as far as I can discern, not remotely connected with anything spawned in BC. These guys find their origins somewhere in a Beijing neighborhood. Hey folks, the Chinese got the 2008 Olympics, we have the 2010 ones. Why are we flogging their critters, or reasonable facsimiles thereof? What on earth do they tell visitors about British Columbia? We have north coast native art that is revered and respected worldwide. Where did that go? Oh, right. Hucksters and good taste. I keep forgetting the contradiction in that.

So, we’re flogging ‘Miga’ described as a snowboarding sea bear (huh?), and 'Quatchi', a shy and gentle Sasquatch (sorry, I like my Sasquatches to be mean and ill-tempered), and ‘Sumi’ an animal guardian spirit (guess that is supposed to have a connection with northcoast native Indians, though I don’t know why since it has a name reminiscent of a fat Japanese wrestler; maybe because it looks like one?).

What do these bits of repulsiveness have to do with us? They are almost as bad as that stupid Inukshuk (that boringly ubiquitous Inuit pile of rocks) that was chosen as the Olympics symbol. Paint the sucker green and it looks like Gumby, and it has as much in common with southwestern BC as do Navajo turquoise belt buckles. Come to think of it, the Navajos are much closer geographically than are the folk who pile rocks into Inukshuks.

Well, in answer to that initial question about what these icky little aliens have to do with us, I guess the they have this to do with us: They are making a ton of money for the Olympics organizers. Those guys were astute enough to know you must never underestimate the intelligence or taste of the buying public, and people are snapping up these ‘Beanie-Babies Gone Bad’ like hotcakes. Go figure.

Anyway, this whole Olympics hysteria thing has left a sour taste in my mouth from the beginning. The province is forking out dumptruck loads of money, and constructing sports facilities all over the place for the ‘lesser Olympics’ (the summer ones attract much more public interest), and they are expecting the entire province to be collectively wetting itself over a thing that will last for a brief time and will impact only one small area of BC.

Added to which, and to be consummately sceptical, Olympics hardly ever make the sort of money that enters the realm of break-even, let alone turn a profit. They are a lousy business proposition except for the guys that capitalize from them. And there are lots of those. They just don’t happen to be the taxpayers of BC.

Excuse the rant, but when I saw those ‘things’ being unveiled earlier in the week I just shuddered and thought: “Well, I have to say something.”