Sometimes a guy just has to say 'no!'

Last evening I turned down a freelance offer. I hated to do that, primarily because I like money (and the offer would have paid quite admirably), and because any boost to a person’s credibility in the highly competitive media world can only be a good thing.

But, I said, “No, thank you,” and I said it without a moment’s hesitation. What clinched it for me when this nice lady from a Toronto media company – and she was a nice lady, and I enjoyed chatting with her – ran the concept past me and then offered the sentiment, “I don’t think it should be dangerous.” Which, of course, means it could be very fucking dangerous. Which, of course, means that I don’t want to do “dangerous” just for some ego or back account-driven impulse. I am very happy this morning that I declined her offer last night.

What the gig involved was a sort of ambush journalism in which I ferret out certain scumbags, hoods and societal trash to set them up for interviews by the film company concerning their friend (or relative, as the case may be) who is shortly to be paroled from a federal prison. The guy in question just finished doing a ‘dime’ (sorry, but I’m a L&O fan, and love the jargon) for a vicious and unprovoked attack on a young guy. An attack that left his victim brain-dead and comatose for however long the poor lad might live.

Again, no thanks. These are bad people. I dealt with enough bad people when I ran a rehab, so I think I’ve walked sufficiently on the sleazy side for this lifetime.

I must confess, however, that for a fleeting second I was slightly enticed. Life, to be complete, should have elements of adventure about it. And, I have had lots of adventures – good and bad – in my life. I regret none of them. Well, not entirely true. I regret some of them specifically because at the time they were quite horrible. But, I don’t regret them generally because they add to the mosaic of my life. A life that has been, at least, interesting because I chose to not run away from situations that in truth turned my bowels to water and made me want to hide in my bedroom.

But, in this case, as my Toronto friend told me about the projected plan, I only thought that if I were a young buck, recently in the news-garnering business, I would be up for it. It’s a job for a young guy. She agreed. And when she contacted me she had no idea what my age was.

I have a nice home (two nice homes, as a matter of fact, though I only own one of them), a loving wife, whom I also love dearly, relatively good health, I think, and a fairly positive view of the world. I think I have finally earned the right to pick and choose what I want to do.

And, this was a further walk on the wild side I just didn’t want to take. There is no fool like an old fool, they say. But, there is such a thing as being a damn fool. I don’t choose to be.