Very jolly old elf indeed

All I can say is: Is nothing sacred?

My disquietude is prompted by reading an item concerning a 65-year-old department store Santa Claus in Danbury Conn. Who was sexually groped by a 33-year-old woman who was sitting on his lap.

What is the world coming to?

One Sandrama Lamy has been charged with sexual assault and breach of the peace for her shenanigans. No suggestion has yet been made as to what she actually groped, but we can probably guess. Why did she do it? That’s the outstanding question. Had she been listening to the sultry voice of Eartha Kitt purring Santa Baby? Had she been downing a little too much eggnog at lunchtime? Does she find portly gentlemen in red and white suits sexually arousing? Who can say?

All I can say is I wish I could get a free pass to her trial just to hear the spicy testimony. I think if you live in that neighborhood, you should drop in just for the entertainment value.

What I would also like to know is what Mrs. Santa thinks about this. That nice lady, who looks a little like Aunt Bea on Andy Griffith, has come to accept the fact, I am sure, that it’s not just tiny tots who want to sit on hubby’s lap. Big girls, for whatever reasons, have been known to want to do so as well.

But, in the past the concern might have been the thought that old St. Nick might be wanting to grab himself an enticing handful, rather than the other way around. But, women of today are a little freer to express their proclivities, as evidenced by the assorted Britneys and Lilos of the world, so I guess we had to expect this sort of thing.

In the wake of the incident, however, the store is relieved to note that they’ve had no end of applications to take on the task next year, or to relieve this year’s Mr. Claus should he be too traumatized to persevere.