Face-to-face with Facebook

Old 'realtime' friends

“I haven’t even looked at Facebook for months,” said a friend the other day. A personal friend, who is also one of my FB ‘people’, as are a number of you and many others from hither and yon. “Some of the people on my contact list – and you (she said in reference to me, phew) are definitely an exception – are not people I’m all that friendly with,” she continued, “and a few I wouldn’t want to invite into my home. So, I don’t bother any longer.”

It’s an odd thing, really, a worldwide network of people in varying degrees of separation, linking up electronically to say ‘hi’. I’ve been doing the FB thing – I am a very sparse attendee – for a couple of years now. As it happened my niece contacted me to tell me how “utterly cool” this network was, so I signed on to see what it was like. It was OK. Eventually my own list of contacts increased, and spasmodically I would touch base with individuals who were of more significance to me.

At first it was a lot of fun. I established my links with various people and had chatty online conversations. I also loved punching in names of possibles, just to see if they were out there. Often they were, so assorted bits of ‘auld acquaintance’ were garnered. I suggest that at first it was fun. It still is, to a degree, and I check it out about once a week or so, mainly out of curiosity.

The problem that began to arise for me, however, is that I am a privacy hog. I certainly share who I am with those whom I cherish or like a lot, but otherwise, I withdraw a bit. Furthermore, there are some individuals I have little or no desire to be in contact with, even at the FB level. And, some such individuals contacted me and wanted to establish a FB tie. In some cases I didn’t recognize the names. In others I did, but had no desire to establish connection.

And then I felt a bit guilty. Wait a minute. If a thing is supposed to be fun, why am I getting guilt pangs? Hmm.

In other cases, contact was made. Sometimes nice messages were sent back, and I responded, and so on and so forth. Other times, following the initial overture, a vacuum fell into place and I didn’t bother going back.

I think the reason for the success of Facebook is the sense of alienation so many of us feel at times, and FB establishes a pleasant tie. In that sense, if I get back to you after you have touched base, and if I continue to do so, you know it is because I value you. If I don’t it just might mean that I am past the junior high stage of evaluating my popularity on the mess of friends – Facebook or otherwise – I have garnered. I mean, my contact numbers lie in the 30s. Those whom I actually contact are probably fewer than 10. Hmm, sorta like real life.

Is Facebook different from blogging and are Facebook contacts different from blogroll friends? Absolutely. Even though in some cases ‘my people’ overlap, I know my blogger friends so much better. I know your thoughts, your philosophy, your politics, your loves, your hatreds, sometimes your sexuality, your style, and so forth – often in detail, even at times in TMI. But, that’s OK.

Facebooking, on the other hand, is a little snippet of who we are. It’s cocktail party chitchat as opposed to genuine conversation, which blogging often is.

Ultimately, however, the absolutely best conversations are those ones held live. I’d like to do that with all of you, and I have with some. But, since that quest is likely possible I will say my blog contacts are at least second best.

So, do you do Facebook and do you enjoy the experience and keep up regularly?