The 'Reaper' never rests, it seems

In my ongoing quest to keep you informed of those things that make life just a little less savory, it falls to me to keep you updated about all that is wretched.

I’m not alone in my resolve here, since the media, both print and electronic, as well as the scientific and medical ‘research’ communities are working diligently to bolster our obsessive-compulsive complexes and to render us just a little less optimistic and hopeful.

I mean, what is this? Is it some sort of boomer realization that we too (just like all the generations that preceded us) are also mortal? Yes, just like everybody who went before, we too are going to die someday. And, if we don’t die directly, we are going to succumb to manifold distresses and chronic ailments, physical, mental and emotional.

So, why are we such whiners about this? Why does the media believe we are all paranoid snivelling cowards and therefore they must enable these insecurities. Why have we lost our ‘shit happens’ impulse and replaced it with “please make the world safe and don’t let shit happen to me.”

Anyway, as I said, my quest in this regard is to keep you informed. So, here are the offerings of the (so-called) Life section of a local newspaper yesterday:

Toxoplasma tied to schizophrenia: According to one of them studies, and as reported in the American Journal of Psychiatry, the old toxoplasma gondii parasite carried by cats and farm animals will turn you schizo. Yet another reason to avoid cleaning the litter box.

Pollution linked to heart attack: Kind of a well-duh finding, but it attests, according to a UCLA study that the smallest amounts of particulate from vehicle emissions triggers heart plaque build-up. Hmm, a UCLA finding. UCLA is in LA. Why hasn’t everybody in that car-obsessed city succumbed to the ‘big one?’

Birth height suicide related: Bad news for Tom Cruise, because it seems, according to a study reported in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health that short male babies run twice the risk of violent suicide in adulthood. Hasn’t it already been said that “short people got no reason to live.”

Aspirin resistant patients at risk: If the emissions don’t blow your ticker asunder, a Canadian study attests that being resistant to Aspirin makes patients four times more likely to died from a heart attack or stroke. “So, Mr. Jones, take two Tylenol and call me in the morning if you’re still alive.”

MDs differ on depression: What? MDs having divergent opinions? How can that be? Oh, it’s one of those male-female sawbones issues. Acceding to the Society for Women’s Health Research, female doctors are more sympathetic to women’s tendency to depression during two key periods, puberty and just before menopause. Teenage girls bitchy? Naah. I’ll make no comment about menopause because I am contentedly married.

Anyway, have a really nice day.

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But, since we are looking at mortality, I have another observation, and this is a sad one. I have to note the passing of the splendiferous Suzanne Pleshette. She was only 70 and was, in my esteem, the most dazzling brunette in the entertainment business.

And then there was that ‘voice’. She had a speaking tone that would put Lauren Bacall to shame, and perhaps one that was only matched by late English actress Joan Greenwood.

I once told a favorite aunt of mine that she had a voice like Suzanne Pleshette’s. “I take that as a supreme compliment,” said Auntie. “Now, if I only looked like Suzanne Pleshette, I’d really be happening.”

Anyway, Suzanne did not have a stunning film career, but it was on TV she found her forte. Brilliantly matched with the inimitable Bob Newhart, there was never any doubt that the two of them had a brilliant love life, as there were hints galore in the show.

And, I can still hear her uttering in mock dismay: “Ooooh, Bob.”