Are you the 'coffer' or the 'coffee'?

Recently the Washington Post ran an item concerning a contest in which readers were called upon to supply alternative meanings for common words. As follows are the winning entries:

Coffee (n) – the person upon whom one coughs

Flabbergasted (adj) – appalled by how much weight one has gained. Especially appropriate this time of year

Abdicate (v) – give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. (see ‘this time of year’)

Esplanade (v) – to attempt an explanation while drunk

Willy-nilly (adj) – impotent

Negligent (adj) – answering the door when only wearing a filmy nightgown

Lymph (v) – to walk with a lisp

Gargoyle (n) – olive flavored mouthwash

Balderdash (n) – rapidly declining hairline

Testicle (n) – a humorous question on an exam

Pokemon (n) – a Rastafarian proctologist

Oyster (n) – a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Keeping in the spirit of the contest, I’ve coined a couple of my own. They are:

Ambivalence (n) – an emergency vehicle operated by EMTs who really don’t give a damn

Vulvo (n) – a very sexy new Swedish car model

Please feel free to include any of your own. I’d love to read them.