Listen -- do you want to know a secret?

Now that the arguably facile and materialistic musings of one Rhonda Byrne have been embraced by Oprah, you know that Byrne’s Secret truly has become a licence to print money.

The Secret, if you haven’t heard about it is a book, film, and DVD designed to enable all of us to have much more agreeable lives if only we would embrace the wisdom of such ancients as Aristotle. Now, that Aristotle was a really smart guy and if he had tapped into the Secret, then you know it must work. Talk about a testimonial. But, Ms. Byrne not to just rely on the musings of a lone ancient Greek also throws Plato, Isaac Newton, Martin Luther King and Tom Arnold into the mix. Oh, sorry, not Tom Arnold. I must have misread the testimonial list. I always get his name confused with that other Tom – you know, Edison.

Ms. Byrne (especially notable to me because she bears the same surname as my wife, who always ends up getting her name spelled B –‘RY’-ne on official documents) hails from Down Under. In 2004 she discovered the Secret, and in a trice others sought the wisdom she had discovered, and many people sent up the plaintive cry: “Help me, Rhonda! Help-help me Rhonda.

So, what exactly is the Secret? It’s sorta like this:

‘It is our Powerful Intention to create the most fertile community in the world for people to manifest their Intentions!
Your intentions may be about anything you desire.”

See, it’s revolutionary. In essence it’s based on visualizing something that you want; that you really-really want. Then you visualize it, and visualize it and visualize it until the cows come home. Say you want a BMW convertible. Well, visualize that Beemer ragtop until the cows come home. And, you’ll either get the BMW, or you’ll get cows. In either case you won’t lose – unless you get the cows and you are a) a vegan or, b) a member of PETA.

There’s a sort of quantum physics about the whole thing. I’m not quite sure how, since I know little about quantum physics, but evidently there is.

Anyway, Ms. Byrne is not without her critics. There are those who suggest her concept of
visualizing what we want is based on the crassest of materialistic quests. I say there is nothing wrong with that. But, I do suggest that Ms. Byrne’s prescription for success is not really anything new. Of course she says that herself, by her references to the ancients. But, I think you only need to go back a very few years to find the same thing.

Back in the 1920s there was a Frenchman by the name of Emile Coue who advised his followers (and they were legion in the days of bathtub gin and flappers) to look in the mirror each morning and repeat this simple mantra: “Every day, in every way I am getting better and better.” I don’t know if it worked, but as long as folk fell into line, M. Coue got better and better and richer and richer.

A few years later a pastor by the name of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale presented a concept called the Power of Positive Thinking. Dr. Peale said that the key to success in life, at all levels, including the spiritual, was to look at life optimistically. Frankly, I agree. Negative thinking begets negativity.

And, I agree with Ms. Byrne in that regard. Anything that calls for a positive approach to life is a good thing.

But, I must also suggest that, for heaven’s sake, there is nothing new or unique about what she is suggesting and making a great deal of money from, and getting to kiss the Oprah ring as a result. Nothing new or revolutionary.

Damn it all. I wish I’d thought of it first.

Now, you have to promise me you won't tell a soul!

I found during my stint at addictions counselling that the rehab business is filled with cute – sometimes trite, sometimes clichéd and sometimes relatively wise – slogans, sayings and aphorisms.

“You’re only as sick as your secrets,” is a prominent one of those. And, in that, there is a certain wisdom. The wisdom involves denial, and if you are denying to yourself and others a behaviour, then you will not get well until you face your reality. Are you knocking off two quarts a day? Have you sold the family farm to finance a crack addiction? Are you screwing whoever has a pulse even though you are married or in a relationship? Well then, pal, you have some pretty heavy-duty secrets to address.

But, hey, we all have secrets. Life revolves around secrets. Gossip mags would do no business if they weren’t revealing so-called secrets; politicians would be in unemployment lines if they revealed all that they know; newspaper people know stuff about prominent individuals that, for fear of libel suits, they could never reveal (believe me in this. I know of cases like, for example, the British Columbia politician from years past who was known to the hookers he frequented as ‘Golden Shower Bob’); and far more marriages would head to the divorce courts if all husbands and wives revealed to their spouses all of their thoughts and monkey-business.

Of course then there is the matter of keeping secrets. Somebody reveals an item to you “in confidence.” Well, of course, it is not going to stay in confidence. It is going to be passed on at the earliest possible instant. In fact, if you’re a normal human being, you probably can’t wait to reveal it to “somebody you trust won’t tell a soul,” which they will do as soon as they get the chance. Why not? I mean, the first person to break the code of secrecy was the one who told you in the first place.

We like knowing ‘secrets’. To know a secret is to be empowered. You know something somebody else doesn’t and it’s at your discretion to reveal it – or not. But, you will in all likelihood.

Indeed even our legal codes revolve around secrets. Somebody might confess to their doctor, lawyer, therapist or priest a particular thing that might not bode well for them in a court of law. As we know from L&O reruns, it’s pretty difficult for prosecutors to get their hands on such information. They can if the confession involves a crime, but access is still very difficult. Meanwhile, doctors and shrinks are bound by professional codes of confidentiality. Mighty good thing. Can you imagine the stuff these people know? If they weren’t so bound, nobody would ever tell them anything.

Our secrets fall into various categories in terms of seriousness. They include:

Harmless secrets: Nothing spectacular here. Sort of guilty pleasures. Maybe you take some kind of kinky pleasure in the lingerie ads of the Sears catalogue, or maybe you secretly listen to hip-hop when the kids are at school.

Secrets that you will only share with the privileged: Your spouse knows many things about you that you would not like revealed to the general public unless you’re some sort of a sleaze. This is where doctors and therapists can come into the picture, too. In such cases, you may hold certain items back from you spouse that you might tell a shrink. TMI situations come into this, too. People will glibly reveal some bit of esoterica about themselves (especially if they have been tippling a little too extensively), and then utterly regret what they told another.

Secrets you don’t want revealed: These include such items as childhood sexual abuse, infidelity, breaches of the law, substance abuse, spousal abuse, incidents of driving while intoxicated, inappropriate sexual overtures to others. The ‘elephant in the room’ sort of secret falls into this category.

Secrets you have difficulty admitting to yourself and would be mortified if somebody else were to ever find out: Surprisingly enough, or maybe not surprisingly, we all have these. These are found in our innermost thoughts (and agonies). Such secrets are highly guilt-inducing and will sometimes prompt expressions of disgust or even behaviors in which others are assailed for beliefs that the assailant actually holds. Here you get gay-bashing by the closet gay-in-denial, anti-pornography crusades by the porno-addicted; and racist or sexist jokes (“Hey, it was only meant to be funny; I don’t really believe that”) by people who ‘really do believe that.’ Such secrets can also involve sexual feelings or attitudes that might be anathema to others, so those who hold on to such secrets are often in a deep moral struggle.

And, you know what? I have lots of personal secrets that I am not prepared to share. Bet you do, too. But, I’m not about to ask, even though I’m dying to know.