Behold the darling buds of May

“Ne’er cast a clout till May be out.”

Which means, don’t be doffing your jackets, long trousers, sweaters and assuredly not knickers – Britney!! – until we attain the first balmy day of June.

The only problem with that admonition is nobody up in this chilly part of the world can follow the wisdom of that other line of favorite doggerel for the beginning of this fine month:

“Hooray-hooray, it’s the first of May – outdoor screwing starts today!”

Actually, I’ve seen versions that utilize the more basic copulatory expression, but I was being polite here.

But, if the first of May is OK for the indulging in of alfresco copulation, how will we not run into conflict with the first bit of verse? Perhaps I’ll just leave you to explore the possibilities at your leisure – but don’t be shy about suggesting your solutions. You might just be helpful to all the red-blooded out there.

Anyway, after a long and arduous winter, we have finally attained May. May is, for me, a wonderful month. There I am at upper right reveling in the glorious May of last year. I am convincing myself that this one will be just as wonderful. While February is the liver of months, May is the rare, marbled prime rib with tiny little springtime potatoes on the side.

May is the gateway. May means that blessed summer will soon be upon us. Even if the air remains chilly at the month’s beginning, it will get warmer by the end. The “darling buds of May” are in fine fettle; the swallows have returned, and hope once again returns to a world ravaged by the darkness and frigidity of winter. April still fluctuates, but May brings genuine hope.

In many parts of the world May Day is held to celebrate the genuine arrival of spring, and for a girl to be crowned “Queen of the May” indicates that she is the most nubile creature of the village and indeed will soon be married and produce offspring galore as a symbol of fertility. The symbolism of the Maypole is not something I need even bother elaborating upon. But, after May, it comes as no surprise that June is the month of marriages.

So, for anyone randy of persuasion, this is indeed your month for self-expression. For others, it is the month in which you can gaze out the front window and quietly muse: “Goddamn lawn needs cutting again. I just mowed the *%#@ thing four days ago!”