I told you, I just said "No!"

Human sexuality has become entirely too complicated for my liking. While it is well we have grown sufficiently in tolerance that we accept those of other persuasions and other predilections. So, we make space for heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, transsexuals, and all the people who like to indulge in acts that range from the charming and sensual, to the bizarre, to the downright icky. That's OK, though. Consenting adults and all that. I know I have no concerns with virtually anything done by consenting adults, as long as it makes them happy and hauls their ashes.

But, according to British psychosexual studies, there is a group that maybe some of us were not aware of, and those who devote their lives (and governmental grants) to making findings, feel it is time that we accommodated those of no sexual preferences whatsoever. That is, the group within the general population that has absolutely and utterly no interest whatsoever, regardless of the circumstances, in sex. Yes, it would be a cheap shot to suggest I once dated this person, but what the heck. But, seriously, they have found a group in society that has never had sex, has never hankered after sexual congress, and has not only virtually, but literally no libido whatsoever. Those same scientists (who I suspect look remarkably like the science nerd on The Simpsons) are so involved in this study that they believe it is only fair that these people, like homosexuals, heterosexuals, metrosexuals, transsexuals, etc. deserve their own category -- nonsexuals.
How weird is that?, as Einstein was often purported to have uttered. And, just how many people are we talking about who have never had an attack of the horny vapors. Evidently somewhere in the realm of 1.05 percent of the population. Not exactly stunning numbers, but if you multiply by populations of assorted place, it does make for a goodly, if not necessarily enchanting, crowd. For example, the US has a population of 295 million, and that means that there are around 3 million folks who are 'not' going to get too friendly with your spouse late in the evening at a party, if male, they are 'not' going to think all the girls in the bar are looking better at closing time. In fact, they are not going to care what the girls (or the boys) look like. They're just not interested.
I suppose there are advantages to being in that uncharmed 1.05 percent. You never have to worry about looking your best, since you are not trying to attract anyone. You never have to wonder, if single, who you are going to be with on a Saturday night. You never have to worry about unwanted pregnancy, STD transmission, or having to launder the sheets 'yet again this week.' One woman in Edmonton was reported to have said she has thoroughly enjoyed never having been aroused by anybody at any time, because this has left her life so uncomplicated and enabled her to get on with important things. What important things? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I just cheapened myself by writing that.
All I can say in conclusion is chacun a son gout, I suppose. But, I must also be thankful that I am in the 99.95 per cent group, despite the number of complications in the old 'coupling' field I've had to deal with in my life.

So, bearing that in mind, and knowing that May 1 is on the immediate horizon, I leave you all with an authentic bit of Canadian doggerel:

Hooray-hooray. It's the first of May. Outdoor screwing starts today!